Animals escape zoos, migrate to Missouri this December!
This release was provided by F3con staff, and has not been independently confirmed.
There was a jailbreak of epic proportions at zoos worldwide last week. According to sources across the globe, numerous animals discovered a way out, and wasted no time making their escapes. "I was in the office keeping an eye on the enclosure cameras, and all I remember is seeing the antelopes, tigers, and otters just stand up on their hind legs and start walking, like they were born to do it. Well, before I fainted, anyway. When I woke up, all the cages were empty.", said F. Uzi Lagik, of the Downtown Zoo.
While there is no word on how exactly these creatures managed this incredible feat, there have been sightings of animals calmly walking the streets in many municipalities. Scientists are baffled with the peaceful and friendly behavior of even the most aggressive species since their escape. There have been no attacks, and even when approached, they exhibit friendly curiosity, waving, and happy noises. Reports are coming in from all over of even the most dangerous animals giving warm hugs to passersby. "It was so awesome! I got to hug a real dinosaur!" boasted Bonnie, 6yo, of Flufburg. Some individuals have even said they have heard the animals speak, but we all know that's the stuff of Saturday-morning cartoons.
These impossible creatures have taken the world's imagination by storm. Stories, drawings, and art of all varieties are being produced in large quantities wherever a group of anthropomorphic* animals has been spotted. It would also seem that welcoming them gladly into the community is the best thing to do when encountering a furry biped, as businesses near such gatherings have reported a significant boost in income and the acquisition of lifelong support when they are friendly to the creatures. These funny animals also seem almost universally fond of cookies, bottled water, and having their pictures taken.
Researchers are tracking the movement of these animals, and it appears that they are moving towards the center of the United States. Biologists have positively identified Hazard, Calamity Cougar, and Okidoki Coyote as part of the migration. When interviewed, Dr. Aconic of W.O.O.F.# said; "Judging by their trajectory, the animals will all converge on Springfield, MO, on December 14th-16th, at the Howard Jonson Inn & Convention Center."
The public is advised to joyously welcome these amazing animals whenever and wherever they are found. The authorities are urging residents to follow the news on this amazing occurrence, meet the furries, and have fun.
For the latest updates on this phenomenon, visit http://F3con.com.
*Anthropomorphic: Bearing human-like characteristics, such as the ability to walk, talk, or express human emotion.
#Wildlife Observation & Occupational Fellowship