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Nomadic Life in a Military Family Is Contributing to Anxiety Issues

Ask Papabear - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 12:34
Dear Papa Bear, 

This isn't the first time I've written to you. Your advice really does help. I find myself wanting to write to you with every problem but that would be a bit annoying. 

So, My dad is in the army. I'm 17, so I still have a few more years to deal with all the moving because I want to wait until I'm financially stable before I move out or even go to college. My question relates to this big time, though. I already mentioned I'm 17, but I've moved a total of 33 times in my life, in state and outside of state from all over the USA. It's a lot for a kid to move, and you could probably imagine the pain I've gone through having to leave my friends each time, if not having to experience it yourself. 

I don't have trouble communicating when people talk to me, and I seem like a social butterfly around my friends. Making friends isn't a problem for me, either. But take those friends away, and boom, you have a depressed teen with extremely bad anxiety issues. I've written to you before about depression and your advice helped me cope with it, but this one is about the anxiety. 

My social anxiety is really really bad. I have trouble being alone in a large crowd while my friend takes a bathroom break for 5 minutes. My stomach feels like it's being tied into several knots, even knots on top of those knots, and I feel really shaky. Sometimes, I'll even break down in a large crowd. I can't go anywhere without someone I know and trust, and because I move a lot, it's really hard to find people I can trust. 

Well, recently, my dad got stationed in Mississippi. Before this, I've been in Puerto Rico, and the Mormon states in the Northwest, which is where I grew up for 14 years in many different parts of it, so you can imagine the huge change from a completely different culture and completely different views to down here where everyone is.....different. There really isn't any other word I could use to describe it here. I have been having major trouble making friends here, especially with the majority of the population of this town belonging to gangs.

As I mentioned previously, I am 17, meaning I'll be 18 soon and I'll have 2-4 more years until I go off to college. Between this time, I have to get a job. My social anxiety is the problem. I really don't know how to deal with it appropriately.

If I listen to music or make some kind of a beat on the spot, it works just fine for me and I'll feel fine, but that isn't something I can do in any random place. If I happen to get an office job, I can’t simply put in headphones during a meeting, it's rude and I could get in trouble for it. Another way I deal with this is bringing a plushie with me where I go. The people here though seem to frown upon a nearly-adult male bringing a plushie with them to Walmart or a restaurant. 

With no job, I rely on the small things I do in the fandom to get money, like art and selling some music, as well as my allowance from my family, which is only $10 every other week and I have to pay for my own lunches from the store. My parents refuse to put me in therapy or get me medication to help with my anxiety, and I don't have the money to pay for therapy myself. 

So do you have any advice on how to deal with horrible social anxiety appropriately in everyday life? It would really help me get my life back on track and could probably mean the difference between a mansion and my parents' basement. 

Thanks, 
An average robot dragon

* * *

Dear Robot Dragon,

I’m gratified that my advice has been helpful in the past, thank you.

Yes, there are things you can do to ease your issues with anxiety. One of the problems you’re having is that you move around so much and your life is unstable as a result. I moved a couple times as a kid and young adult, but certainly nowhere near 33 times! Just the couple times I did move were very hard for me; I didn’t make friends as easily as you do, so at least you have that going on in your favor. The solution would be to find a way to settle down in one place for a while, but, unfortunately, that won’t happen as long as you’re dependent on your family and military father. Let’s explore some possibilities.

I would recommend that, instead of trying to find work with a high school diploma and earning enough money to go to college (extremely hard to do with the current cost of education), you should explore options for scholarships, grants, and loans for children of the military. Go to http://www.finaid.org/military/veterans.phtml to learn more. There’s a good chance that you can get a lot of your higher education paid for through military or other government programs. To keep costs low, I always recommend that, whenever possible, you spend your first two years at a community college and then transfer those credits to a four-year school. Talk to a college advisor about reciprocal agreements that often exist between community colleges and four-year schools with which they partner. 

This is a much surer way of getting a college education than trying to pay for it with a low-wage job. Going to college will also stabilize your life, especially if you live on campus. You’ll develop a routine that will continue for two or more years, make friends, and feel like you have a more “normal” life.

Next, modify your diet. Believe it or not, certain foods can cause you to be more mellow, and other foods can make you more anxious (caffeine being the obvious one). Some foods that make you more like a cool bear include:

  • Foods with tryptophan: turkey, chicken, sesame seeds, nuts, milk, cheese, soy, oats, bananas, and oats (oatmeal in the morning with bananas and milk, very soothing to start your day)
  • Foods rich in B vitamins: nuts (again), chicken (again), leafy veggies, beef, pork, eggs, and citrus fruits
  • Whole grain breads and brown rice for complex carbs (avoid processed flours; also avoid wheat—even whole grain wheat bread—because modern agriculture has really screwed up this particular grain making it high in LDL carbs and sugar; it is no longer the wheat your grandparents ate)
  • Fish high in Omega-3 fatty acids, including this bear’s favorite, salmon, as well as tuna (look for the dolphin safe label), mackerel, sardines (King Oscar is the yummiest), herring, anchovies, and lake trout
  • Foods high in dopamine, including (some repeats) nuts, eggs, fish, meats, cheese, soy, yogurt, and lentils. 

Besides caffeinated foods (coffee, non-herbal teas, chocolate, and sodas), avoid candy (the sugar rush and insulin high is followed by a big low. Also avoid booze, processed foods (hint: if it has more than three ingredients in it and most you can’t pronounce, it’s probably crappy for your body), and foods high in sugars (whether natural sugars, high-fructose corn syrup, or artificial sweeteners). Avoid food with aspartame artificial sweetener at all cost as it is a chemical that harms the nervous system (I don’t care what the FDA says).

Next, there are several calming activities you can pursue:

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Tai chi
  • Regular physical activity, especially aerobics

You’ve led a very topsy-turvy life, so, really, the single best thing you can do is find a way to stop moving around so much. You are putting up barriers for yourself that don’t need to be there. There are always ways around such things. At 17, you need to plan to get out into the world on your own and stabilize your life. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t show appreciation for your father, who is doing a brave thing through his military service while also supporting a family, but this is having a bad effect on you, and since your parents refuse to help you need to take matters into your own paws. Don’t be afraid to start taking command of your own destiny. You’re old enough to do it!

Good luck!

Papabear

Life is On

Furry.Today - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 10:30

It is a well know fact that racoons like a good party.

Categories: Videos

Q&A with master animator Michel Gagne, part 2. Another in a series for fans and Furries.

Dogpatch Press - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 10:15
Dogpatch Press interview series:  Artists, animation directors, DJ’s and event organizers, superfans, and more… Animator Michel Gagne talked about his movie, The Saga of Rex, in Part 1.  In Part 2, he says more about the movie and his overall career.  He also says that his 2004 Anthrocon Guest of Honor experience is the only Furry experience he’s had.  But […]
Categories: News

Beagle Cop - The Noise Complaint

Furry Reddit - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 08:32
Categories: News

He Feels That Gay Marriage “Distorts Its True Purpose”

Furry News Network - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 07:56
Author: Dear Papabear, I first of all thank you for reading my thoughts on this touchy subject. I know many people would call me “homophobe” and probably worse things, but here’s my question: Why is it ok to attack and try to destroy a way of thinking and life that was what this country was […]
Categories: News

Eurofurence : la convention qui rassemble ceux qui préfèrent être des animaux

Furries In The Media - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 04:11

original article (there is a video there that I can't seem  t post here)


The Eurofurence is the largest convention bringing together the "furries" of the planet.

Founded in 1995 by a Tes-Tui-H'ar it is held every summer in Germany. This is also seeking who this character I came across his Wiki page. But not all of us squattons Wikipedia. one of "furries" . We can learn that Tes-Tui-H'ar is a German cat. Difficult to find a picture but there is likely to be him back on it at the last edition:

Eurofuence

Eurofuence

In 2014 it was held in Berlin and was attended by over 2000 people! Finally people ... Participants are called "furries".

Clearly the "furries" are people who love to dress up as their favorite animal, and if they could, they would live and throughout the year. This would still be crazy enough to come across from time to time one or a furrie the street right? Happens sometimes but not sure this is a real furrie behind. How do I know ...

Arte wanted to know more about this convention and went to our delight, the latest edition. The chain said: "So of course we had our little a priori, and we find that there is still probably hobbies a bit more" normal ", but can also be a little more boring. We learned how hard it is to dance in wolf costume and why memento most common of such an agreement is the microbe. Our reporter met an open and welcoming community. "


Categories: News

Hiatus Reminder

Furballd - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 02:57

Hello lovely listeners!

This is just a reminder that Furballd is on hiatus while Ringo and Sepko finish this semester of university.  We don’t have an exact date just yet, but we should be back with another episode in late November or early December.  We are also working on making some improvements to our podcast format and the website, so if you have any suggestions or ideas then we would love to hear from you.

Remember that you can always email us at furballdletters@gmail.com or post on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/Furballd or our twitter account @Furballd.

Bye for now, but not forever!

Categories: Podcasts

A Boy Becomes A Man… And A Dragon?

In-Fur-Nation - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 01:49

He Walks With Dragons is the first book in a new fantasy series of the same name by author and poet Stanley S. Thornton. As he points out, unlike your average fantasy series this does not take place in a fantasy land — it imagines dragons in our actual world, influencing human history and human evolution. “Draig, a boy on the verge of his manhood, is summoned to the majestic mountain by the Great Ones. There he finds out he is about to transcend the ages and risk his life to prevent the destruction of mankind. Born into the naïve innocence of ancient man, Draig lives a simple pastoral existence in a quiet, small village. But one day he is flung on a magical journey into a forbidden new world. There Draconos, a dragon, befriends the boy, training him in the art of warfare. From this day forward, the young boy finds himself in awe at the wonders the world holds for him. Not only has Draig become a man, but he is living like a dragon and learning their mystical powers… And when the time comes, will Draig be willing to lay down his life for the sake of saving the dragons? And when the dragons are gone, where will he go?” He Walks With Dragons and The Staff And The Orb, the 2nd book in the planned 4-book series, are available now. Visit the author’s web site to find out more about the series and when the next books are coming.

image c. 2014 Mystic Dragon Publishing

image c. 2014 Mystic Dragon Publishing

Categories: News

Anyone here know any custom fursuit bandanna makers?

Furry Reddit - Mon 6 Oct 2014 - 01:16

I'm currently in queue for a suit and would love to find a maker for this! Thank you!

submitted by mwishosimba
[link] [2 comments]
Categories: News

Any good clean wallpapers?

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 23:47

1920x1080 would be nice

submitted by DexFenik
[link] [1 comment]
Categories: News

Never Defeated~ [M]

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 23:17
Categories: News

Social stigma with furry/anthro art?

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 22:26

I know this has been brought up many times in the past, but I got thinking again about it. I'm sure many artists can relate, but I feel that the genre of anthro animal art within the last 10 years has been built up as taboo in our society. Unfortunately, what was once regarded as simple cartoon anthro art is now heavily defined as "furry" as the fandom is busting into the mainstream. There's a huge double standard when franchises like TMNT are full anthro humanoids, are widely well received, and mainstream as it gets. Trying to explain this to the haters doesn't always sink in. The severe knee-jerk reaction and hostility to anthro art just blows my mind. Yet, there are millions of people that enjoy these types of characters (Bugs Bunny, Sonic, Mickey Mouse, Rocket Raccoon) yet don't even have a clue about the term "furry."

I've been in a place where I've felt embarrassed about what I draw, and am reluctant to show it around to even family members (and it's not even sexual). I feel like the more I continually draw this style of art, the more my friends around me are whispering assumptions and stereotypes. It's so sad that when some people look at art, "if it was just human", it'd be so much more popular and well received.

Thoughts?

submitted by fxscreamer
[link] [21 comments]
Categories: News

The Furry Wrangler by Padunk

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 22:26
Categories: News

R.I.P. Saturday mornings

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 21:18
Categories: News

S4 Episode 1 – Outsiders Ask Questions - Roo and Tugs are back to kick off season 4! Joining us to celebrate are Plain Jane, her percious ratty, and Alex Kirry (host of local radio station KSL's Nightside Project). Alex asks everyone all kinds of question

Fur What It's Worth - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 21:12
Roo and Tugs are back to kick off season 4! Joining us to celebrate are Plain Jane, her percious ratty, and Alex Kirry (host of local radio station KSL's Nightside Project). Alex asks everyone all kinds of questions about the Furry Fandom from an outsider's perspective, with hilarious results. Afterward, we play THE GAME! This is a great episode words don't do justice to so hit the play button already! If you're still reading.....we also have Margaret Cho and Jim Short share some of their feelings on the recent passing of Robin Williams.



NOW LISTEN!

NOTE: We would like to thank Margaret Cho and Jim Short for allowing us to share part of their episode detailing their feelings on Robin's passing. If you would like to hear the rest of it, or are interested in their awesome podcast, check out the Monsters of Talk Website!

Special Thanks

Plane Jane & Her Ratty
Alex Kirry
Koakai, for the ident

Music and Breaks

Opening theme: Fredrik Miller– Cloud Fields (Radio Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. Used with permission.  (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Space News Music: Fredrik Miller – Orbit. USA: Bandcamp, 2013. Used with permission. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Closing: Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. Used with permission. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)

Next episode: We are planning treats for you, so stick around and check back by October 10 for our next topic! S4 Episode 1 – Outsiders Ask Questions - Roo and Tugs are back to kick off season 4! Joining us to celebrate are Plain Jane, her percious ratty, and Alex Kirry (host of local radio station KSL's Nightside Project). Alex asks everyone all kinds of question
Categories: Podcasts

Masada and a Kitty

Furry Reddit - Sun 5 Oct 2014 - 19:45
Categories: News