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I'm very new to all this. But I think my fursona should look something like this.
So any tips hints or advices? Be nice please. Or I'll pluck your eyes out :-P.
submitted by T0yb0y0069[link] [19 comments]
Categories: News
He Feels His Mental Health Issues Are Keeping Him from Living a Good Life
First off... I love what you do, helping others. Keep doing what you're doing and I'll keep reading.
Now, to the real reason I'm typing this up. Asking for help. There are so many things wrong with me right now I can't even begin to pick just one. Let's see... Father hung himself a month ago, I suffer from bipolar disorder and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). My father was an alcoholic. I'm addicted to video games (Though that's going away), and the reason I'm writing you.
See, I'm 21 years old, however mentally, I'm only 18 and... Well... I just can't get started with my life. I haven't been able to get a job (or I just can't hold one if I am lucky enough to get one). So both job and college are out of the question. I want to go into college though for Information Technology, but, again, can't get a job and I don't want to be in student debt until I'm in my 40s or 50s (My mom finally paid off hers). I'm living with my mother, and I'm beginning to feel like a burden on her. I'm asking her for money left and right, and owe 2 hospital bills equaling $2,400 for going into Behavioral Health for attempting suicide. Even now, as I write this, it makes me want to cry for all the reasons that my mother were to have if she hated me (which I know she doesn't).
I can't get a girlfriend... That requires a job so mom doesn't have to go on my dates with me. I don't want to have to apply for disability for my mental issues but... It seems like I have to go that way. All my friends are happy, everyone's got a girlfriend (my best friend even got his pregnant). Every day, I keep wondering where my sweet princess is. I've tried going gay, just so maybe somebody could love me, but I've had to break a lot of boys hearts by saying I'm not gay. I just want to DO something with my life, I don't want to be just another statistic. I catch everyone saying "You're young, you should be enjoying your life." Well let me tell you something Papa Bear, I'm not... The only time I somewhat do is when I'm playing my video games, and when I play online, I'm not even that good... My K/D ration on Call of Duty is TERRIBLE! (That probably was over your head). Anyway just PLEASE help me! I can't stand it anymore!
Sincerely,
Nightmare (Pennsylvania)
* * *
Dear Nightmare,
My deepest sympathies for the loss of your father. It surely makes everything else you are going through seem even worse than it would under less unfortunate circumstances. I am sorry for your loss. Yet, you mention his tragic passing so briefly, I have to think you are trying to minimize thinking about it. He was an alcoholic, too, which likely was a symptom of other things troubling him. It could also explain or contribute to your IED. If you are subliminalizing it, that pain has to come out somehow, and a violent emotional eruption like you see with IED would be one way. If the IED diagnosis occurred after your father's death, that could be your explanation.
Next word of advice to you: lose the name. Pick something more cheerful than “Nightmare” and you’ll be surprised how it can affect you.
Another thing that strikes me is that there really isn’t much difference, mentally, between a 21 year old and an 18 year old. Not sure who told you you were like an 18 year old, but that’s a silly thing to say. Unless you mean regarding education, such as you are 21 and should be at a college level but you’re still at the high school level. That might be so. Your IED and bipolar disorder might be holding you back.
But that doesn’t mean college is not an option for you. In fact, did you know you could be eligible for a scholarship based on mental hardships? Go to the National Alliance on Mental Health website and you can find all sorts of information to help you, from legal rights to best colleges to select based on their access to mental health for students. Search for possible scholarships on FastWeb and GoCollege, and you might be surprised by what you find. You can enter all kinds of variables to discover interesting scholarships; it’s not all about just academics or athletic ability. Some bizarre scholarships include some for people who are really into potatoes and asparagus, a scholarship for people who work at delis, and one for people who are interested in lawn sprinkler systems. You can find almost anything if you look hard enough. I also advise those interested in college to consider attending a community college for the first two years. The reasons being: 1) it saves you a TON of money, and 2) you’ll get smaller classrooms and better professor-to-student ratios. Then, transfer your credits to a university for your junior year. (Actually, there are many interesting careers you can get into with a 2 year degree that earn good money, such as paralegal or LPN). It helps, too, to find out what universities have cooperative agreements with which community colleges so you can transfer all or most of your credits. Finally, you can also explore work-study programs.
About your hospital bills. Have you tried calling the hospital and arranging some sort of payment plan or, even better, seeing if you can get them to knock down the price given your economic issues? You’re 21 and unemployed and suffering from mental illness; there are things you can do. Start with the hospital you went to. Most good hospitals have a financial aid office—almost like a college! Contact them and discuss the issue calmly with the representative there. Don’t give them bullshit, but tell them exactly what is going on with you financially and they will work with you. You can also consult a regular debt counselor if the debt is too overwhelming for you.
About your mental illnesses—I don’t have to tell you that you should be on medications and/or receiving other treatment for your disorders, especially since you have attempted suicide at least once already. You are very vulnerable right now and need help. Have you tried group therapy? You need to know you're not alone and that you can lean on people for help. Because of your illness and circumstances, you could be eligible for Medicaid, and I would explore that immediately in order to get your bills covered. For eligibility requirements and information in Pennsylvania, go here.
Do not worry about finding a girlfriend (or boyfriend) until you get your mental health and income issues settled. That’s enough for anyone at any one time. Of course, if you just happen to meet someone and fall in love without even looking, then bless you and go for it. But I wouldn’t spend a lot of time and energy on it until the other issues are in better shape. Don’t worry about what your friends all have (and getting a girlfriend pregnant is not necessarily a good thing); this isn’t a competition; this is your life. Envy will just make you feel worse, so don’t worry about what they are doing with their lives. Just worry about your own life. Oh, and don’t worry about the Kill/Death ratio, okay? If playing a video game helps you relax a bit, fine. Just don’t spend too much time playing them.
The good news for you is that all of your problems can be solved, if you are willing to work on them. I hope that what I have written here will nudge you in the right direction.
And don’t forget to change your name. Creating a positive environment is a big part of the battle. Complementary to this would be to play happy music, decorate with cheerful colors, and look for the little joys in life that are around you.
You can do it. You just need a bit of a kick in the butt! *Bear boots yer butt*
HUGS,
Papabear
Now, to the real reason I'm typing this up. Asking for help. There are so many things wrong with me right now I can't even begin to pick just one. Let's see... Father hung himself a month ago, I suffer from bipolar disorder and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). My father was an alcoholic. I'm addicted to video games (Though that's going away), and the reason I'm writing you.
See, I'm 21 years old, however mentally, I'm only 18 and... Well... I just can't get started with my life. I haven't been able to get a job (or I just can't hold one if I am lucky enough to get one). So both job and college are out of the question. I want to go into college though for Information Technology, but, again, can't get a job and I don't want to be in student debt until I'm in my 40s or 50s (My mom finally paid off hers). I'm living with my mother, and I'm beginning to feel like a burden on her. I'm asking her for money left and right, and owe 2 hospital bills equaling $2,400 for going into Behavioral Health for attempting suicide. Even now, as I write this, it makes me want to cry for all the reasons that my mother were to have if she hated me (which I know she doesn't).
I can't get a girlfriend... That requires a job so mom doesn't have to go on my dates with me. I don't want to have to apply for disability for my mental issues but... It seems like I have to go that way. All my friends are happy, everyone's got a girlfriend (my best friend even got his pregnant). Every day, I keep wondering where my sweet princess is. I've tried going gay, just so maybe somebody could love me, but I've had to break a lot of boys hearts by saying I'm not gay. I just want to DO something with my life, I don't want to be just another statistic. I catch everyone saying "You're young, you should be enjoying your life." Well let me tell you something Papa Bear, I'm not... The only time I somewhat do is when I'm playing my video games, and when I play online, I'm not even that good... My K/D ration on Call of Duty is TERRIBLE! (That probably was over your head). Anyway just PLEASE help me! I can't stand it anymore!
Sincerely,
Nightmare (Pennsylvania)
* * *
Dear Nightmare,
My deepest sympathies for the loss of your father. It surely makes everything else you are going through seem even worse than it would under less unfortunate circumstances. I am sorry for your loss. Yet, you mention his tragic passing so briefly, I have to think you are trying to minimize thinking about it. He was an alcoholic, too, which likely was a symptom of other things troubling him. It could also explain or contribute to your IED. If you are subliminalizing it, that pain has to come out somehow, and a violent emotional eruption like you see with IED would be one way. If the IED diagnosis occurred after your father's death, that could be your explanation.
Next word of advice to you: lose the name. Pick something more cheerful than “Nightmare” and you’ll be surprised how it can affect you.
Another thing that strikes me is that there really isn’t much difference, mentally, between a 21 year old and an 18 year old. Not sure who told you you were like an 18 year old, but that’s a silly thing to say. Unless you mean regarding education, such as you are 21 and should be at a college level but you’re still at the high school level. That might be so. Your IED and bipolar disorder might be holding you back.
But that doesn’t mean college is not an option for you. In fact, did you know you could be eligible for a scholarship based on mental hardships? Go to the National Alliance on Mental Health website and you can find all sorts of information to help you, from legal rights to best colleges to select based on their access to mental health for students. Search for possible scholarships on FastWeb and GoCollege, and you might be surprised by what you find. You can enter all kinds of variables to discover interesting scholarships; it’s not all about just academics or athletic ability. Some bizarre scholarships include some for people who are really into potatoes and asparagus, a scholarship for people who work at delis, and one for people who are interested in lawn sprinkler systems. You can find almost anything if you look hard enough. I also advise those interested in college to consider attending a community college for the first two years. The reasons being: 1) it saves you a TON of money, and 2) you’ll get smaller classrooms and better professor-to-student ratios. Then, transfer your credits to a university for your junior year. (Actually, there are many interesting careers you can get into with a 2 year degree that earn good money, such as paralegal or LPN). It helps, too, to find out what universities have cooperative agreements with which community colleges so you can transfer all or most of your credits. Finally, you can also explore work-study programs.
About your hospital bills. Have you tried calling the hospital and arranging some sort of payment plan or, even better, seeing if you can get them to knock down the price given your economic issues? You’re 21 and unemployed and suffering from mental illness; there are things you can do. Start with the hospital you went to. Most good hospitals have a financial aid office—almost like a college! Contact them and discuss the issue calmly with the representative there. Don’t give them bullshit, but tell them exactly what is going on with you financially and they will work with you. You can also consult a regular debt counselor if the debt is too overwhelming for you.
About your mental illnesses—I don’t have to tell you that you should be on medications and/or receiving other treatment for your disorders, especially since you have attempted suicide at least once already. You are very vulnerable right now and need help. Have you tried group therapy? You need to know you're not alone and that you can lean on people for help. Because of your illness and circumstances, you could be eligible for Medicaid, and I would explore that immediately in order to get your bills covered. For eligibility requirements and information in Pennsylvania, go here.
Do not worry about finding a girlfriend (or boyfriend) until you get your mental health and income issues settled. That’s enough for anyone at any one time. Of course, if you just happen to meet someone and fall in love without even looking, then bless you and go for it. But I wouldn’t spend a lot of time and energy on it until the other issues are in better shape. Don’t worry about what your friends all have (and getting a girlfriend pregnant is not necessarily a good thing); this isn’t a competition; this is your life. Envy will just make you feel worse, so don’t worry about what they are doing with their lives. Just worry about your own life. Oh, and don’t worry about the Kill/Death ratio, okay? If playing a video game helps you relax a bit, fine. Just don’t spend too much time playing them.
The good news for you is that all of your problems can be solved, if you are willing to work on them. I hope that what I have written here will nudge you in the right direction.
And don’t forget to change your name. Creating a positive environment is a big part of the battle. Complementary to this would be to play happy music, decorate with cheerful colors, and look for the little joys in life that are around you.
You can do it. You just need a bit of a kick in the butt! *Bear boots yer butt*
HUGS,
Papabear
Just out of pure curiosity, what are your views on the whole predator/prey thing? [Discussion]
Just out of pure curiosity, what are your views on the whole predator/prey thing? I mean within a society whereby everyone is a furry character, what would happen to those whose species would prey on others? Opinions anyone?
submitted by jragon14[link] [31 comments]
Categories: News
Everything through paypal?
I do not have paypal and see some amazing artists on here that I would love to have commission my fursona. Are artists only willing to do fursonas if you have a paypal? Or would there be other forms of payment?
submitted by wolfguardian72[link] [10 comments]
Categories: News
Cool and Wet with Bird and Coon
Boom! Studios’ Kaboom! imprint have previously presented several graphic novels for Adventure Time with Finn and Jake, but now they present the very first full-length original graphic novel (OGN) from the popular TV series The Regular Show with everyone’s favorite dopey coon and bluejay, Rigby and Mordecai. And the timing is perfect: “The summer is turning into a roast-fest and Mordecai and Rigby are desperate to find a way to cool down. But when a mystery pool suddenly appears and offers a chance to beat the heat, it’s only a matter of time before these two best bros find themselves in totally water-logged trouble.” Written by Rachel Connor (Ed, Edd N Eddy) and illustrated in full color by Tessa Stone (Bravest Warriors), Regular Show Volume 1: Hydration is available now. Find out more at Boom’s web site.
image c. 2014 Kaboom!
Categories: News
Episode 77 – Representin’ The High Life - Hey everyone! - Before we get into it, we have some important news. Furballd will be taking a hiatus until the end of November so Ringo and Sepko can focus on their studies. We also want to use this time to try
Hey everyone!
Before we get into it, we have some important news. Furballd will be taking a hiatus until the end of November so Ringo and Sepko can focus on their studies. We also want to use this time to try and improve the podcast and come back stronger and better than ever. So if you have any suggestions or comments about how we do things, or have any topic or segment ideas, then we want to hear from you. You can send any ideas or suggestions to furballdletters@gmail.com or post on our Facebook or Twitter pages.
This week we talk about representation of women and different sexualities in video games. We start of by discussing the latest Anita Sarkeesian video, “Women As Background Decoration“, then move onto some studies in Queer representation that Ringo did during his degree.
In the news, we have date-rape detecting nail polish, the ACCC suing Valve over refund policies, and
Remember! We’ll be gone for a while, but back in November, hopefully better than ever.
Bye for now, but not forever!
This week’s song is “Devastation’s Duel” by Fishy and Sole Signal. You can find the song here on OCRemix.
Episode 77 – Representin’ The High Life - Hey everyone! - Before we get into it, we have some important news. Furballd will be taking a hiatus until the end of November so Ringo and Sepko can focus on their studies. We also want to use this time to try and improve the podcast and come back...
Categories: Podcasts
Emergency Badge Commissions
Hey, furries!
Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a bad situation at the moment and need to take some emergency commissions.
However, as my situation is one that makes it so that I cannot offer my usual faire of digital art, I am offering $15 Traditional Badges! There are some examples on my FA: http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/gypseecrush/ (The badges pictured are not traditional, but they are my most recent commissions)
The badges will be in colored pencil on cardstock, laminated, and with a badge clip, all shipped straight to you! I take payments through Paypal only.
I am able to do dragons, canines, felines, birds, ponies, nearly anything you’d like! Don’t be afraid to ask!
I have 6 open slots, so get one while you can!
Even if you cannot buy a badge, I would appreciate it if you would please pass this around a bit so that others can see this as well. Thank you!
~HodgePodge
submitted by GypseeCrush[link] [1 comment]
Categories: News
Did Blotch split up?
Has anybody heard anything about Blotch splitting up? Someone mentioned it in a thread I was reading and I wanted to know if there is any truth to it.
submitted by Rexy20[link] [3 comments]
Categories: News
Kill Bill-Sandy Cheeks Anthro Crossover
Categories: News
![The whack-a-mole of people's opinions, visualised [adapted from danjiisthmus]](http://a.thumbs.redditmedia.com/UT7fhuyKKNorg0tkM9WE3f6YLO5KssDIJvNTw4Y9ro4.jpg "The whack-a-mole of people's opinions, visualised [adapted from danjiisthmus]")
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/vOJZG1D.jpg){kind=link}
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/lszcnNO.png?1){kind=link}
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/y281iEg.png){kind=link}
After Taking Care of His Sick Mother for Eight Years, He Needs to Let Himself Live Again
Hey there big guy. How’s you?
Well, I figured that I should finally tighten up my belt and finally ask you for some advice.
I guess to give a brief description of the present situation. My mom has been extremely sick now for about 8 years, I have graduated from college this year and have a job.
Right around my birthday 8 years ago (I was about 16 at the time). My mom became gravely ill. At the time I believed it to only last a few weeks; weeks turned to months and months turned to years. I was home schooled since 6th grade so I was pretty much isolated except for my friends next door. For my last year of high school I was at a small Christian school and everyone pretty much isolated me there as the weirdo. Once college started I lost a really great friend, and over the years, I increasingly became tired and lonely. I had some romance but it was sadly short lived and nothing sexual. A couple dates during college mostly. My mom reached the peak of her illness when I was in my sophomore year of college when she tried to commit suicide several times and she almost died by her illness alone. I would get about 3 hours of sleep at night during that time when she would stay awake screaming in agony.
Now I've graduated and sadly still living with my parents. trying to save money. Right now I'm really trying to create a life for myself. Trying to find a relationship, I've experimented with being bisexual, but I simply could not commit myself to anything of that sort. Personally I think I'm just desperate for some loving contact. I don't really admit it but I loved it a lot. And it shocked me in a bad way.
I feel that I completely missed things that I could have been. Many of my friends seem to be successfully forming lives; they have nice memories through their teen years and college. I had to be a "hospice nurse for that time." I still go back and think of everything that happened, everything that I feel I have missed and I feel like I can't build anything. I like my job but when I get home, it’s back to work, seeing my mom again and such. I never realized that it would affect me so much. I thought by this time I would be just so hardened by it all and I would just brush it off as if it were nothing. I used to be a strong Christian, but now my faith is all but gone. I really want to try and become a great furry artist, but now I can barely finish any paintings and my skills continue to not improve. I want to put this all behind me, and become a new person. All I see myself as is that weirdo isolated freak... People imply it anyway. I just don't know how to take that first step, be an awesome new person that I feel is deep deep inside me, there is just so little hope left; it’s all been drained...
Can this not be published, I feel like this is really personal, I don't mention a lot to people how I feel. I keep it bottled inside. Sorry if it is extremely long lol and I think I made it one question lol.
That Odd Wolf
* * *
Dear Odd Wolf,
I'm sorry for this very sad tale. Could you help me a bit and explain to me what your mother's illness is?
Thank you for having the courage to write. I will ask you just once if you could have a little more courage to let me publish this letter and my reply on the website. No names or places will be used. With those out of the picture, I don't think anyone will know it's you. If you do not agree, we'll just keep it between us, but a big part of this column is helping others who may have similar situations to yours. There may be a number of people who have had to deal with something like this that you can help. Again, I understand if you don't wish me to publish it and I will honor your wishes.
Also, about your mother's illness, is it a condition that can't be treated by in-home care? There are more programs available to those of limited income to help with in-patient service, thanks to Obamacare. My husbear has benefited from such a service, for example.
Write back soon. If I hear from you tomorrow, I will reply by no later than tomorrow night.
Thank you,
Papabear
* * *
She had Lyme disease as well as a malaria like parasite, because of it I like to educate people on the disease and such but that's for another time. As far as I know it has been treated, but the after effects of the disease are still there...
As far as it goes, insurance companies will not help with these situations or the government especially. My dad does help out a ton, and hopefully we can rap this up, but like I said it's been 8 years idk how much damage the disease did on her brain. There just isn't enough research. I have a lot of science background in my profession, so I try to think of things that could help her. Same with my dad. We have seen countless doctors, she is seeing a new one soon for a surgical procedure hopefully it works. I think, that people need to be educated about this disease and how it destroys families, you can publish it. I thought it over.
Thanks for getting back to me quickly; thank you "lots of hugs."
* * *
Dear Odd Wolf,
Again, I am sorry to hear about your mother. As you no doubt know by now (just writing this for the benefit of my readers), Lyme disease, in addition to causing fever, joint swelling, pain, and other symptoms, can attack the nervous system. This can lead to a wide array of psychological problems (most people don’t know about this, and I never heard it from reporters in Michigan, where Lyme disease, spread by ticks that feed of deer in the state, is a growing problem), including panic and anxiety attacks, mood swings, learning disabilities, and depression (hence, your mom’s suicide attempts). Not only that, but she also has malaria, a disease that can relapse through your entire life. You don’t specify, but if she had cerebral malaria, that could also contribute to behavioral and cognitive disorders.
I feel bad for your mother, but it’s not fair to you that her illness has affected you so profoundly. You can be supportive and loving to an ailing parent without it destroying your life, too.
My first advice to you, therefore, is to get out of the house. I know you’re staying there to save money, but the price you’re paying is more significant than money: it is your health and your sanity. Without those, you are no good to your mother or to yourself.
I admire your desire to become a new person, get a fresh start. To do so, you have to change the environment you’re in. You are 23 and employed, so you can do that. You have to start making a break from your past. Stop fretting about all the things you missed out on because you were nursing your mother. Stop carrying baggage about being a “weirdo” just because you got teased in school. Make a break. The past is in the past and you can’t do anything to change it, so why try? Not that I’m trying to sound like a song from “Frozen,” but you have to let it go. That’s very true, even if it is a quote from an animated film.
Now, I’m not suggesting you abandon your mother (or father), but you can’t live this life all the time. One sentence you wrote really struck me: “I like my job but when I get home, it’s back to work, seeing my mom again....” Helping your mom has become more work than work itself. Not a good thing. So, move out, but not so far away that you can’t help when needed.
Have a talk with your dad and tell him how you feel. You’ve already pretty much lost out on childhood, God forbid you lose out on the prime of your life, as well. It’s simply not fair to you. If you haven’t already, you and your father should investigate all in-home care options. I find it incredible that you say no government assistance is available, especially if you are low income. In Michigan, check out the Department of Community Health. Read about the Healthy Michigan Plan to get more information on your mother’s eligibility. You could also benefit from a visit to the Mental Health America website.
Back to you. I like your idea of starting fresh and also experimenting. It seems your experiment with bisexuality did not succeed, which would lead me to conclude you’re more comfortable being straight, which is certainly fine. You note some other areas that have been damaged in your life, including your religious life and your artistic life. These are things you should readdress in order to reassert your individuality from your mother.
Starting over is a good idea. I wrote about this last year in this letter. Sometimes ceremony can give you a whole new outlook on life. It gives you that feeling that you really are reborn.
To sum up: 1) Do whatever you can to get your mom the care she needs without you having to live in her house all the time; 2) assert your independence, even if it means struggling a bit more financially, and move out of the house; 3) put the past in the past, and put aside that self-blame and self-doubt that makes you think you’re a “weirdo”; stop putting negative labels on yourself; and 4) assert yourself as reborn and look toward your future. Don’t feel guilty about doing these things. You’re still thinking about your mother, but you should have the courage to look after yourself, too. Only then will you find relief and happiness.
Good luck!
Papabear
Well, I figured that I should finally tighten up my belt and finally ask you for some advice.
I guess to give a brief description of the present situation. My mom has been extremely sick now for about 8 years, I have graduated from college this year and have a job.
Right around my birthday 8 years ago (I was about 16 at the time). My mom became gravely ill. At the time I believed it to only last a few weeks; weeks turned to months and months turned to years. I was home schooled since 6th grade so I was pretty much isolated except for my friends next door. For my last year of high school I was at a small Christian school and everyone pretty much isolated me there as the weirdo. Once college started I lost a really great friend, and over the years, I increasingly became tired and lonely. I had some romance but it was sadly short lived and nothing sexual. A couple dates during college mostly. My mom reached the peak of her illness when I was in my sophomore year of college when she tried to commit suicide several times and she almost died by her illness alone. I would get about 3 hours of sleep at night during that time when she would stay awake screaming in agony.
Now I've graduated and sadly still living with my parents. trying to save money. Right now I'm really trying to create a life for myself. Trying to find a relationship, I've experimented with being bisexual, but I simply could not commit myself to anything of that sort. Personally I think I'm just desperate for some loving contact. I don't really admit it but I loved it a lot. And it shocked me in a bad way.
I feel that I completely missed things that I could have been. Many of my friends seem to be successfully forming lives; they have nice memories through their teen years and college. I had to be a "hospice nurse for that time." I still go back and think of everything that happened, everything that I feel I have missed and I feel like I can't build anything. I like my job but when I get home, it’s back to work, seeing my mom again and such. I never realized that it would affect me so much. I thought by this time I would be just so hardened by it all and I would just brush it off as if it were nothing. I used to be a strong Christian, but now my faith is all but gone. I really want to try and become a great furry artist, but now I can barely finish any paintings and my skills continue to not improve. I want to put this all behind me, and become a new person. All I see myself as is that weirdo isolated freak... People imply it anyway. I just don't know how to take that first step, be an awesome new person that I feel is deep deep inside me, there is just so little hope left; it’s all been drained...
Can this not be published, I feel like this is really personal, I don't mention a lot to people how I feel. I keep it bottled inside. Sorry if it is extremely long lol and I think I made it one question lol.
That Odd Wolf
* * *
Dear Odd Wolf,
I'm sorry for this very sad tale. Could you help me a bit and explain to me what your mother's illness is?
Thank you for having the courage to write. I will ask you just once if you could have a little more courage to let me publish this letter and my reply on the website. No names or places will be used. With those out of the picture, I don't think anyone will know it's you. If you do not agree, we'll just keep it between us, but a big part of this column is helping others who may have similar situations to yours. There may be a number of people who have had to deal with something like this that you can help. Again, I understand if you don't wish me to publish it and I will honor your wishes.
Also, about your mother's illness, is it a condition that can't be treated by in-home care? There are more programs available to those of limited income to help with in-patient service, thanks to Obamacare. My husbear has benefited from such a service, for example.
Write back soon. If I hear from you tomorrow, I will reply by no later than tomorrow night.
Thank you,
Papabear
* * *
She had Lyme disease as well as a malaria like parasite, because of it I like to educate people on the disease and such but that's for another time. As far as I know it has been treated, but the after effects of the disease are still there...
As far as it goes, insurance companies will not help with these situations or the government especially. My dad does help out a ton, and hopefully we can rap this up, but like I said it's been 8 years idk how much damage the disease did on her brain. There just isn't enough research. I have a lot of science background in my profession, so I try to think of things that could help her. Same with my dad. We have seen countless doctors, she is seeing a new one soon for a surgical procedure hopefully it works. I think, that people need to be educated about this disease and how it destroys families, you can publish it. I thought it over.
Thanks for getting back to me quickly; thank you "lots of hugs."
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Dear Odd Wolf,
Again, I am sorry to hear about your mother. As you no doubt know by now (just writing this for the benefit of my readers), Lyme disease, in addition to causing fever, joint swelling, pain, and other symptoms, can attack the nervous system. This can lead to a wide array of psychological problems (most people don’t know about this, and I never heard it from reporters in Michigan, where Lyme disease, spread by ticks that feed of deer in the state, is a growing problem), including panic and anxiety attacks, mood swings, learning disabilities, and depression (hence, your mom’s suicide attempts). Not only that, but she also has malaria, a disease that can relapse through your entire life. You don’t specify, but if she had cerebral malaria, that could also contribute to behavioral and cognitive disorders.
I feel bad for your mother, but it’s not fair to you that her illness has affected you so profoundly. You can be supportive and loving to an ailing parent without it destroying your life, too.
My first advice to you, therefore, is to get out of the house. I know you’re staying there to save money, but the price you’re paying is more significant than money: it is your health and your sanity. Without those, you are no good to your mother or to yourself.
I admire your desire to become a new person, get a fresh start. To do so, you have to change the environment you’re in. You are 23 and employed, so you can do that. You have to start making a break from your past. Stop fretting about all the things you missed out on because you were nursing your mother. Stop carrying baggage about being a “weirdo” just because you got teased in school. Make a break. The past is in the past and you can’t do anything to change it, so why try? Not that I’m trying to sound like a song from “Frozen,” but you have to let it go. That’s very true, even if it is a quote from an animated film.
Now, I’m not suggesting you abandon your mother (or father), but you can’t live this life all the time. One sentence you wrote really struck me: “I like my job but when I get home, it’s back to work, seeing my mom again....” Helping your mom has become more work than work itself. Not a good thing. So, move out, but not so far away that you can’t help when needed.
Have a talk with your dad and tell him how you feel. You’ve already pretty much lost out on childhood, God forbid you lose out on the prime of your life, as well. It’s simply not fair to you. If you haven’t already, you and your father should investigate all in-home care options. I find it incredible that you say no government assistance is available, especially if you are low income. In Michigan, check out the Department of Community Health. Read about the Healthy Michigan Plan to get more information on your mother’s eligibility. You could also benefit from a visit to the Mental Health America website.
Back to you. I like your idea of starting fresh and also experimenting. It seems your experiment with bisexuality did not succeed, which would lead me to conclude you’re more comfortable being straight, which is certainly fine. You note some other areas that have been damaged in your life, including your religious life and your artistic life. These are things you should readdress in order to reassert your individuality from your mother.
Starting over is a good idea. I wrote about this last year in this letter. Sometimes ceremony can give you a whole new outlook on life. It gives you that feeling that you really are reborn.
To sum up: 1) Do whatever you can to get your mom the care she needs without you having to live in her house all the time; 2) assert your independence, even if it means struggling a bit more financially, and move out of the house; 3) put the past in the past, and put aside that self-blame and self-doubt that makes you think you’re a “weirdo”; stop putting negative labels on yourself; and 4) assert yourself as reborn and look toward your future. Don’t feel guilty about doing these things. You’re still thinking about your mother, but you should have the courage to look after yourself, too. Only then will you find relief and happiness.
Good luck!
Papabear