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Dear PapaBear,

I never would have thought I would have actually gotten the time to write you, however I read every one of your letters.... But as of right now, I'm feeling more confused than I ever have in my life.

I have always identified myself as bisexual, however I have always had a preference for men.... There's only been one woman in my life who I've ever shared an interest with and that is because she can read me like a book and is currently my best friend.

Now I've been in this on and off relationship with another man for 5 years long distance. Lately, we've just been fighting more and more over the most petty things and I feel like our love is falling apart. It's literally one of the most painful things in the world because we've always thought we would share a future together. And we can still see it, but lately I feel as if I'm the only one who's put effort into the relationship...And me bringing this up only brings more fighting to begin with, but if I let it go, he thinks I don't care any more...which naturally LEADS TO MORE FIGHTING.

Now putting all of this aside, last night ... I had the opportunity to actually sit down with my best friend. She is in an abusive relationship and we've both come to the conclusion that her boyfriend is an absolute scumbag. I don't want to get into too much detail because that's not doing anyone any good, but long story short, their lives are intertwined because of her college life+family life+bills which her family is trying to catch up on ... yadda yadda ... AKA it's just a terrible situation.

I'd go into more detail with her boyfriend, but I feel like this would drag on this letter much more than it needs to.

Last night, she wound up breaking down after she realized what an asshole her boyfriend's been lately and she cried into my chest...After about 30 minutes of talking, I wound up kissing her on the cheek before dropping her off at her house, which she didn't oppose at the time.

My question is ... what should I do? I am still madly in love with my "boyfriend" (he doesn't want to identify himself as this, but trust me ... he knows he's my boyfriend, since he's my ex and we're already confirmed to seeing each other in a matter of months.... But I've been in love with my best friend since High School and after what happened last night, I haven't been able to drop it...

I just feel ... stuck.

Perplexed Vaporeon

* * *

Dear Perplexed,

Since you have read a lot of my letters, you know my position on LDRs. You mention you are making plans to see your boyfriend, and that’s good. I don’t know whether this will be your first IRL meeting, but it’s clear to me that your relationship needs some maintenance. Oftentimes, when people in a relationship are under stress, it can cause frayed nerves, and tempers flare. My guess is that this is what is happening between you and your bf. You see, you’ve been “together” for five years and I would bet that you are both getting frustrated by your inability to be physically closer, even to consummate your relationship. Your bf is denying that the two of you are boyfriends, and I can see why: he probably looks at it the way I do in that LDRs are not true relationships; they are a bizarre anomaly of a modern world that creates the illusion of intimacy through technology.

What you need to do is actually BE with your boyfriend. If I may be so crude, sounds to Old Bear like the two of you need a good mutual boffing. If you have not made love yet (and I don’t mean role play online), you will be quite amazed how the flood of endorphins will soothe both of you and make you much happier. A physical relationship is extremely important in any healthy coupling. So, go boff your bf, and then spend some time with him doing things that are fun. Really share your time together. Don’t even talk about the troubles you’ve been having; focus on sharing a part of your lives together. Then, after you have both been sufficiently primed, you can talk for a bit about more serious stuff. This will do wonders for both of you.

Now, as for your dear female friend. You are a wonderful person for being there in her time of need and giving her comfort. She has a lot to work out, and I would say that making “a move” on her and upping the ante on your relationship would really cause a lot of damage and is not a wise choice, for her or for you. For her because she already has enough on her plate trying to straighten out what is going on with her boyfriend, family, finances, etc. She doesn’t need a lover, she needs a friend, so be that friend. Also, as you said yourself, while you are bi, you prefer men, and so even if you established a closer relationship she would have to be able to deal with the fact that, at least sometimes, you’re probably going to want to play around with a male or two (I'm not saying that bi people are incapable of monogamy, but I am saying that, given what you told me, your yearning for a man will likely affect your relationship with a female because you prefer men). Can she deal with that? That’s a big question, and one that could also cause her more grief than she needs right now.

For you, it’s because what I’m seeing here is another case of transference (I’ve written about this before). You’re probably transferring your need for some physical intimacy and tenderness that you are currently unable to get from your bf onto her. Not to say that you don’t truly care for her, and, since you are bi, can’t have an intimate relationship with her, but is that really what you want? Can you imagine yourself with this girl in a committed relationship? You don’t sound very sure of this, yet you do indicate a longing to plan for a future with your boyfriend.

My recommendation would be to try and repair and heal your relationship with your boyfriend first before possibly considering a relationship with your girl buddy. Be there for her as a friend as you have been, and never underestimate the value of a good friendship; they are priceless and rare and to be cherished. But don’t complicate your gf’s life right now by adding yourself in as a love interest. That, I predict, would cause you and her both a lot of stress and grief, at least at this point.

Try that first, and get back to me if you have more questions.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear

I better see all the redditors.

submitted by way2highforthisshit
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submitted by dale_glass
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Author: GreenReaper

Been in the fandom for over 12 years, my site of choice was MSN Chat. I feel like furry has evolved exponentially since then. My question is, how long are you in the fandom, or how old are you, before you're considered a greymuzzle?

submitted by lokilullaby
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Author: Hi Papabear, I’m a college student who’s going to join the new environment and feel the experience of first year in college this October. I’m also a traditional artist who has a deep passion on Furry. I’m going to open a small commission on my FurAffinity account, starting with a small one I made […]

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/265/e/c/phoxxy_sketch_by_phoxxy232-d6nduso.jpg

I got this sketch from someone I met via Second-Life who basically saw my Avatar in the game and say "I really wanna draw you" The sketching was done, then I passed it to a friend of mine to color, I love the way the color came out. Below I'll post the sketch version with a link to the person who drew it, they are super awesome and did this free of charge for me! .^

http://d.facdn.net/art/phoxxy/1379651469.phoxxy_phoxxyfemsketch.jpg

Artist's FA: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/dontamure

submitted by Phoxxy
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Figured I'd share this :P

Tumblr link where you can read about it It contains Music, info, and drawings, for now, Mainly of the character Damaris.(Note that yes, there are a few NSFW things pertaining to certain characters): http://damariskitten.tumblr.com/

submitted by DamarisKitten
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submitted by DonnytheGoat
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submitted by WhyNoKinTheFu
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I was browsing WTF fursuits on tumbler, trying to figure out what NOT to do, when I see my suit. I have very mixed feelings about this. I agree that it's not spectacular. But it's the best I can do. I ripped it up and redid it completely last week, with professional eyes that I bought online. I am supposed to get a nose and a lower jaw in soon.

BEFORE : http://imgur.com/oFKkGjm AFTER : http://imgur.com/0w2z99E (Havent gotten time to make ears yet, so she looks kinda duckish :P)

submitted by FERRET_TESTICLES
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Hello everyone! I have had a question about what people do. I know art is a huge part of it, and I honestly... Really want to join! But I'm absolutely terrible at drawing. I'm an okay writer, and I guess I could role play online or something, but is there anything else?

submitted by TripleG100
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I know we're ALL tired of "The Fox." But I was checking in to some of the other videos about Ylvis, mostly some of the other interviews they've done - and they totally know about us. O.o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zc5gNyu30o&t=1m4s

It's just an itty bitty little reference, but I thought it was cool. Sorry if it's already been posted.

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submitted by Phasper
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Hi Papabear,

I'm a college student who's going to join the new environment and feel the experience of first year in college this October. I'm also a traditional artist who has a deep passion on Furry. I'm going to open a small commission on my FurAffinity account, starting with a small one I made for testing on Facebook. Turned out, I was wrong to advertise my commission offer on FB. Many haters who don't like Furry or my draws said lots of bad things to me and even report me because they think our furries are sick. 

I was so disappointed and sad because of being treated and thought like that, so I have closed it and blocked all those haters. The thing is, there are many more who have my account have been trying to say bad things to me and my girlfriends through messages, making us feel depressed. I just want to ask you this: Is there any way I can do to make them stop looking at me as some kind of sick beastiality bastard and make them leave us alone? I'm going to college next month, but these days me and my girlfriend can't talk privately on Facebook due to their harassment on our Walls. It's too late to wish to go back to the time I posted the advertisement now, so please, Papabear, please help me find a way to end this. I don't want to end up with her closing our accounts at all.

Love, 
James

* * *

Aww, James,

Papabear shares your weariness over all the haters out there and gives you a big bear hug ... (((((HUUUGGG)))))

There are a couple things you can do, if you haven’t done so already. One being to report these people to the FB admins for harassing you. Another is to close your account and open a new one under a different name and start over. A third is to leave Facebook completely and do your commission work and socializing through other, preferably furry sites. I know that FB has become a huge force in social media, but they are not the only way to socialize and to get the word out about your art, not by any means. There are a plethora of furry social sites where you can hang out with your friends and sell your art, as you likely know.

The above, of course, are all avoidance strategies. Sadly, you cannot make haters stop hating. There is a large (exasperatingly large) segment of human society that hates all people who are not like them. They judge you for being different.  They accuse you of being evil or sinners or perverts or communists or fascists or whatever words come to mind that they feel will hurt you.

Why do they do this? Because they fear what is different. Because they don’t want their own beliefs challenged because it might force them to rethink their philosophy of life or their religion. Mostly, though, it is because they have a deep-seated lack of self-worth and tearing down other people makes them feel better about themselves. “Oh, I’m not so bad because I’m not a freak like those furverts.”

If you are really really really patient, sometimes you can reeducate people like this to not be haters. But it takes a LOT of time and effort just to convert one, let alone the slew of haters that fill this planet. Most people don’t have that much time or energy to spare.

So, the best response is no response at all. You can either completely ignore them, knowing that their opinions have no value because the source is corrupt and because you have a solid sense of your own self-worth, OR you can try to avoid them completely, as I outlined above.

Sorry you are learning this lesson about human beings, but you have to learn sometime. Buck up and be proud of who you are. Don’t get depressed about yourself for being hated on; instead, pity the haters. Their lives are the ones that are pathetic.

More hugs,

Papabear 

What's this? Another great ep! Just a warning, this one is pretty offensive, just keep in mind we're screwing around. We talk about titpunching, Alkali as the new King of the Jews, and more nonsense! And don't forget to register for our con! It'll be awesome! - http://fursquared.com Ep. 82 - Titpunch! The Movie - What's this? Another great ep! Just a warning, this one is pretty offensive, just keep in mind ...

What's this? Another great ep! Just a warning, this one is pretty offensive, just keep in mind we're screwing around. We talk about titpunching, Alkali as the new King of the Jews, and more nonsense! And don't forget to register for our con! It'll be awesome! - http://fursquared.com Ep. 82 - Titpunch! The Movie - What's this? Another great ep! Just a warning, this one is pretty offensive, just keep in mind ...