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A Triple Whammy: Confessions to Family, Mate, and at Work
Hey Papabear,
So before I ask my question, a little background. I’ve been a furry for the majority of my life, an AB/DL [Papabear says, FYI, that AB/DL = Adult Baby/Diaper Lover] since forever, a sissyfur for the past few years, and a girly boy forever. I am also currently 18.
So now for the questions:
Question one, I have a boyfriend the same age as me, and I love him more than life itself. Id take a bullet for him without hesitation. We want to eventually move in together and live together for the rest of our lives. But there are a few small problems. He isn’t a furry and doesn’t know I am. He also doesn’t know I’m AB/DL, or that I’m a sissy cross dresser. He does know that I have nocturnal incontinence, and he’s taken it in stride since its a medical problem. I know that it’s not healthy for there to be secrets in a relationship, so I want to know how I should let him know. Or maybe if I should just try to continue to keep it a secret. I’ve thought about just leaving those parts of me behind in order to avoid confrontation, but they are integral parts of my personalities. What’s your take on the situation?
Now, question two, the only person I’ve come out to is my boyfriend and my friends on the Internet. Nobody else knows, especially not my family. Now I’m sure you get coming out questions a lot, and I don’t know how unique my situation is, but I’m going to ask anyways. My family, with the exception of my abusive, drunkard, b*st*rd father, is extremely religious. Like, the kind that believes that if you’re anything but a Christian you’re going to hell, even if you’re the world’s most giving and loving person. They’ve even said on several occasions that they believe that there is a special place in hell for homosexuals. Now, I’ve read the Bible and I know that all that they say isn’t true, and that all the stuff that they say is completely opposite of what the Bible actually says, but thus is the ignorance of religious bigotry. I couldn’t explain to them their flawed logic if I tried. But despite all that, I still love my mom and the rest of my family, with the exception of my dad. I’m just not sure if I should come out to them, and if I should, I’m not sure when. My current plan is wait till I’ve moved out so that they cant kick me out before I’m ready, but I don’t know if there’s a technique to telling them that you could show me, because this secret has been pressing on my heart for a while now.
Sincerely,
Kale Snowtail
P.S. Do you think I should come out at work? I’m a salesperson at [a large retail store—censored by PB to prevent litigation] and I’m not the only homosexual there, but I’m still nervous.
* * *
Hi, Kale,
Let’s do this from easiest to hardest, shall we?
1) Papabear’s first instinct is to say do NOT tell your bosses and coworkers. They are just part of your work-a-day life and don’t need to know about your personal life, as long as it doesn’t affect your job. Too often, even if there is an official policy not to, there will be discrimination against you. In some states (e.g., my former home of Michigan), it is even perfectly legal to fire a gay person. The one qualifier is you mention that you know others at the store are gay. Is that just because you know them personally (or they light up your gaydar?) or have they actually told management? I’m guessing, though, that if they told management and didn’t get fired, then you wouldn’t be asking me about it. Perhaps you should talk to your coworkers one-on-one and get their input.
2) You DO need to tell your mate about this. If the two of you are in love and going to live together, you need to be yourself 100% completely, and he deserves to know who you are completely. Hiding who you are from the one to whom you have given your heart will inevitably blow up in your face and destroy your relationship. So, tell him. How do you tell him? Well, how did he find out about your nighttime incontinence? It was unavoidable, wasn’t it. In a similar way, your other idiosyncracies will come out, whether you hide them or not, and it’s better you tell them up front rather than your mate finding out accidentally. Papabear had a similar situation. My mate is not a furry, but I knew that to have a relationship with him, I would have to be myself. So, one night I told him and he was amazingly understanding and receptive—because why? Because he loves me for me.
3) Family is a bit more difficult. Your father sounds too far gone to be receptive to such confessions, and the rest of your family is narrow-mindedly religious in a bad way. Even if there were a member or two in your clan you felt comfortable telling, chances are someone would blab and tell those who are less understanding and then the family would turn against you. This is particularly bad when one lives with and depends upon the family for food and shelter. That is when you DEFINITELY don’t tell them because you could find yourself out on the street with no visible means of support. So, if you do eventually tell them, make certain you can support yourself and have a place to live, just in case. At that point, you might want to approach them about it. God willing, you will be pleasantly surprised. Sometimes children underestimate their family’s ability to be loving and understanding. Sometimes not. You are the best judge of that.
In all cases, the best way to tell the people you care about concerning who you are is to make sure you are in a room with no distractions, and no one is feeling rushed to go somewhere else, such as work or the bathroom, pour a cool drink (or warm, depending on the weather), sit with them face to face, look them in the eye, and just tell them.
I hope this helps,
Hugs,
Papabear
So before I ask my question, a little background. I’ve been a furry for the majority of my life, an AB/DL [Papabear says, FYI, that AB/DL = Adult Baby/Diaper Lover] since forever, a sissyfur for the past few years, and a girly boy forever. I am also currently 18.
So now for the questions:
Question one, I have a boyfriend the same age as me, and I love him more than life itself. Id take a bullet for him without hesitation. We want to eventually move in together and live together for the rest of our lives. But there are a few small problems. He isn’t a furry and doesn’t know I am. He also doesn’t know I’m AB/DL, or that I’m a sissy cross dresser. He does know that I have nocturnal incontinence, and he’s taken it in stride since its a medical problem. I know that it’s not healthy for there to be secrets in a relationship, so I want to know how I should let him know. Or maybe if I should just try to continue to keep it a secret. I’ve thought about just leaving those parts of me behind in order to avoid confrontation, but they are integral parts of my personalities. What’s your take on the situation?
Now, question two, the only person I’ve come out to is my boyfriend and my friends on the Internet. Nobody else knows, especially not my family. Now I’m sure you get coming out questions a lot, and I don’t know how unique my situation is, but I’m going to ask anyways. My family, with the exception of my abusive, drunkard, b*st*rd father, is extremely religious. Like, the kind that believes that if you’re anything but a Christian you’re going to hell, even if you’re the world’s most giving and loving person. They’ve even said on several occasions that they believe that there is a special place in hell for homosexuals. Now, I’ve read the Bible and I know that all that they say isn’t true, and that all the stuff that they say is completely opposite of what the Bible actually says, but thus is the ignorance of religious bigotry. I couldn’t explain to them their flawed logic if I tried. But despite all that, I still love my mom and the rest of my family, with the exception of my dad. I’m just not sure if I should come out to them, and if I should, I’m not sure when. My current plan is wait till I’ve moved out so that they cant kick me out before I’m ready, but I don’t know if there’s a technique to telling them that you could show me, because this secret has been pressing on my heart for a while now.
Sincerely,
Kale Snowtail
P.S. Do you think I should come out at work? I’m a salesperson at [a large retail store—censored by PB to prevent litigation] and I’m not the only homosexual there, but I’m still nervous.
* * *
Hi, Kale,
Let’s do this from easiest to hardest, shall we?
1) Papabear’s first instinct is to say do NOT tell your bosses and coworkers. They are just part of your work-a-day life and don’t need to know about your personal life, as long as it doesn’t affect your job. Too often, even if there is an official policy not to, there will be discrimination against you. In some states (e.g., my former home of Michigan), it is even perfectly legal to fire a gay person. The one qualifier is you mention that you know others at the store are gay. Is that just because you know them personally (or they light up your gaydar?) or have they actually told management? I’m guessing, though, that if they told management and didn’t get fired, then you wouldn’t be asking me about it. Perhaps you should talk to your coworkers one-on-one and get their input.
2) You DO need to tell your mate about this. If the two of you are in love and going to live together, you need to be yourself 100% completely, and he deserves to know who you are completely. Hiding who you are from the one to whom you have given your heart will inevitably blow up in your face and destroy your relationship. So, tell him. How do you tell him? Well, how did he find out about your nighttime incontinence? It was unavoidable, wasn’t it. In a similar way, your other idiosyncracies will come out, whether you hide them or not, and it’s better you tell them up front rather than your mate finding out accidentally. Papabear had a similar situation. My mate is not a furry, but I knew that to have a relationship with him, I would have to be myself. So, one night I told him and he was amazingly understanding and receptive—because why? Because he loves me for me.
3) Family is a bit more difficult. Your father sounds too far gone to be receptive to such confessions, and the rest of your family is narrow-mindedly religious in a bad way. Even if there were a member or two in your clan you felt comfortable telling, chances are someone would blab and tell those who are less understanding and then the family would turn against you. This is particularly bad when one lives with and depends upon the family for food and shelter. That is when you DEFINITELY don’t tell them because you could find yourself out on the street with no visible means of support. So, if you do eventually tell them, make certain you can support yourself and have a place to live, just in case. At that point, you might want to approach them about it. God willing, you will be pleasantly surprised. Sometimes children underestimate their family’s ability to be loving and understanding. Sometimes not. You are the best judge of that.
In all cases, the best way to tell the people you care about concerning who you are is to make sure you are in a room with no distractions, and no one is feeling rushed to go somewhere else, such as work or the bathroom, pour a cool drink (or warm, depending on the weather), sit with them face to face, look them in the eye, and just tell them.
I hope this helps,
Hugs,
Papabear
I redid this furry character into a wallpaper for some here on Reddit. Anyone know who the original creator is so I can send them a copy as well? Don't wanna get in trouble ya know.
Categories: News
Review: ‘Housepets! Can Be Real Ladykillers’ (Book 3), by Rick Griffin
Author: Fred Hooray! Rick Griffin leads off this third annual collection of his Ursa Major Award-winning Housepets! comic strip with a real title page. A snarky title page, but nevertheless a title page. For those who are not already reading Housepets!, the Monday-Wednesday-Friday-updating Internet full-color strip (and why not? It won Best Anthropomorphic Comic Strip [...]
Categories: News
And… yet more Sonic!
Hey, weren’t we just here? Well, yes, but that was mostly about Sonic the Hedgehog in comic book form. Now Udon Entertainment brings us The History of Sonic the Hedgehog, which is more about Sonic in the original games. Got it? Here, let Amazon tell you: “Celebrating over 20 years as SEGA’s official mascot, The History of Sonic the Hedgehog is the ultimate guide to SEGA’s spiky blue speedster! This hefty 300-page hardcover volume covers in detail every 2D and 3D Sonic game, plus spinoffs and crossovers. You’ll also find character profiles, promotional artwork, rare concept art, and a detailed look at the origins of the ‘Blue Blur’.” Edited by Marc Petronille and William Audureau, this large volume comes our way in early October.
image c. 2012 Udon Entertainment
Categories: News
036 - Mooselini - We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, fer...
We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, ferret Hitler, and furry historical figures.
Also, check out and share highlights at our YouTube channel, updating it all the time! http://www.youtube.com/user/DraggetShow
as always, you can leave your questions and comments on draggetshow@gmail.com, we love hearing from you!
036 - Mooselini - We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, fer...
Categories: Podcasts
036 - Mooselini - We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, fer...
We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, ferret Hitler, and furry historical figures.
Also, check out and share highlights at our YouTube channel, updating it all the time! http://www.youtube.com/user/DraggetShow
as always, you can leave your questions and comments on draggetshow@gmail.com, we love hearing from you!
036 - Mooselini - We talk about Alkali's technology rebelion, Mediocre Man, dieting, hipsters, the waffle iron, fer...
Categories: Podcasts
I did this at school while i was bored.
Just to let you know guys, i born and live in mexico, i know both spanish and english very well, so my english might be 80% accurate. And for that, most of the mexicans have no clue on what a "Furry" is, except if they're so much into the internet culture like me. Also, i am kinda new to reddit (this is my first submission to Reddit, but i joined a few weeks ago) so i am not sure if it goes to this subreddit or not.
And well, i forgot my sketchbook, and i had this folder, I used a black pencil for the sketch and the other stuff, i used white color for the white details.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8752343/
submitted by RegularTechnocrat[link] [15 comments]
Categories: News
Anyone know of a fitting picture for a lockscreen?
Preferably Android ICS, but anything similar or iPhone will probably work all the same. Anything female, or clean male. I have thousands of photos cycling through my background but I just now thought to put a static lockscreen photo that matches the 'theme' of a lockscreen. Can anyone help?
submitted by FireFoxMcCloud[link] [6 comments]
Categories: News
You find yourself in a parallel furry earth.(You're still human) What do you do?
Everything in this world is earth except that you switched places with the furry you there.
What is your next action?
submitted by VentKazemaru[link] [51 comments]
Categories: News
How would you guys feel about me doing another request thread?
I did one a little while ago and it was a lot of fun. I was thinking I could maybe do another one in a couple weeks after I finish my current requests (I'm trying to do 50 within two weeks!)
I just wanted to get your opinions before I do another one. I would take a little longer on the next one (last time I think I did about 30 in 2-3 days), so I would have time to make sure they came out better. So anyone who requested would have to be willing to wait a few days or a week for their request, although I'd still be doing them as fast as I could while still trying to make them look good.
So what do you guys think?
(My FA in case some of you don't know what my work looks like--> http://www.furaffinity.net/user/kaifennec/)
submitted by silverfennec[link] [20 comments]
Categories: News
Short film: ‘The Cats of Mars Meet the Toy Car’
Author: Fred The Cartoon Brew website has just posted this two-year-old eight-minute film by Swedish animator Jacob Stålhammar; written in 2004, painted in gouache on cardboard, and animated in limited animation to a public domain stock music score. Arguably less an animated cartoon than an animated children’s picture book. Still anthropomorphic. Find the full article [...]
Categories: News
M.C.A. Hogarth’s ‘Black Blossom’ tops $4600 on Kickstarter
Author: Micah M.C.A. Hogarth is raising money on Kickstarter for print, e-book and audiobook editions of her fantasy of manners serial Black Blossom, sequel to The Aphorisms of Kherishdar and The Admonishments of Kherishdar (review), featuring the Ai-Naidar – a race of feline aliens. Money raised is to go towards “cover art, layout; all the [...]
Categories: News
Love Alone Does Not a Good Relationship Make
Hello Papa
First time writing to you. My question is a difficult one to ask but I will try. I love my mate with all my heart but we’re so different. I’m calm, laid back, and have no problems with just living my life with what comes my way. He is very angry all the time, thinks life is just crap, hates to do the things I want to do. We argue a lot and its been pretty rough for me to be with him. He is very negative. Most our fights are because I say something he doesn’t like. I find it hard to be myself around him. I feel as if because I’m changing for him I’m losing a lot if not all of my friends. No one likes him because he’s so angry and rough. I’ve known him for 4 years now and I’ve been dating him for 1 year in September. I would rather work out my problems with him but he is really stubborn about everything. Though compared to when I first met him he is 300% better. He used to yell at me for not being next to him when he woke up. Needless to say it’s been a rough year with him. I love him and I wish no harm to come to him. My biggest fear is if we break up he will kill himself. That happened to me once before and I never want to go through it again, but should I break up with him?
--a fox
* * *
Dear Fox,
Papabear is sorry to hear that you had a previous mate who committed suicide, but you should not make your current decision based on that experience. Love is an illogical thing, to be sure, but how you can be in love with someone who is negative, controlling, mean, and makes you change who you are is beyond me.
You are just as important in this relationship as your mate, yet you are allowing yourself to be abused and unhappy, losing friends, and getting yelled at. You even say it has been a rough year. What, in the Great Spirit’s name, is the attraction here?
Papabear will tell you this from experience, too: just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should be with him or her. Case in point: my ex. I still love her, but when I discovered I was gay it was pretty darn clear that continuing the relationship would be impossible. That situation is not identical to yours, but you get the point.
You deserve to be happy, Fox, and staying with this guy is not going to make you happy. He is a black hole of negativity and he will suck you into it if you are not careful.
Bear Hugs,
Papabear
First time writing to you. My question is a difficult one to ask but I will try. I love my mate with all my heart but we’re so different. I’m calm, laid back, and have no problems with just living my life with what comes my way. He is very angry all the time, thinks life is just crap, hates to do the things I want to do. We argue a lot and its been pretty rough for me to be with him. He is very negative. Most our fights are because I say something he doesn’t like. I find it hard to be myself around him. I feel as if because I’m changing for him I’m losing a lot if not all of my friends. No one likes him because he’s so angry and rough. I’ve known him for 4 years now and I’ve been dating him for 1 year in September. I would rather work out my problems with him but he is really stubborn about everything. Though compared to when I first met him he is 300% better. He used to yell at me for not being next to him when he woke up. Needless to say it’s been a rough year with him. I love him and I wish no harm to come to him. My biggest fear is if we break up he will kill himself. That happened to me once before and I never want to go through it again, but should I break up with him?
--a fox
* * *
Dear Fox,
Papabear is sorry to hear that you had a previous mate who committed suicide, but you should not make your current decision based on that experience. Love is an illogical thing, to be sure, but how you can be in love with someone who is negative, controlling, mean, and makes you change who you are is beyond me.
You are just as important in this relationship as your mate, yet you are allowing yourself to be abused and unhappy, losing friends, and getting yelled at. You even say it has been a rough year. What, in the Great Spirit’s name, is the attraction here?
Papabear will tell you this from experience, too: just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should be with him or her. Case in point: my ex. I still love her, but when I discovered I was gay it was pretty darn clear that continuing the relationship would be impossible. That situation is not identical to yours, but you get the point.
You deserve to be happy, Fox, and staying with this guy is not going to make you happy. He is a black hole of negativity and he will suck you into it if you are not careful.
Bear Hugs,
Papabear
I need something to draw
Edit: I'm done for now. :> Thanks for all the requests and stuff! Here's all of them and some other stuff in the same pile: http://nidil.tumblr.com/post/30531826195/more-requests-and-stuff
I'm somehow completely out of ideas.
Post your characters maybe? Or give other ideas, idk, help ;v;
submitted by Tsum[link] [35 comments]
Categories: News
