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Dear Papabear, 

I am struggling... really struggling, I have a chronic disability known as EDS (Ehlers–Danlos syndrome). It’s starting to effect my everyday life as well as with my social and family life. I live with my parents and they know all about my problem (my mother being my primary caregiver).

I have been finding I have been getting chronic pain all they way up and down my spine and right shoulder.  It is getting harder and harder to walk and do my job (I take commissions and such for anthro art).  I tell my mother about my pain and she just shoos me off like it’s nothing; no sympathy no help. it is starting to highly frustrate me and my everyday life, resulting in me getting angry and frustrated more and more with my family. I don’t know if this is part of growing up (being in my mid teens) or it is because my parents are being complete douches (please excuse my French).

Can you please tell me how to explain what I am going through to them, the pain is terrible and is frustrating me. My mum just doesn’t listen when I tell her, she is constantly making me go around and get stuff for her (like food, the phone etc.). She just doesn’t understand the pain I am going though.

Thank you so much for your help, Papabear.

from
a struggling ferret

* * *

Dear Struggling,

First, a note to my readers for explanation. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a serious condition affecting connective tissues because the body cannot produce stable collagen. The most common symptoms include joint pain, loose/unstable/hypermobile joints, hyperextensibility of the skin (resulting in skin that is more easily bruised or torn), pseudotumor formation around resulting scars, spinal and other skeletal pain. There are several types of EDS, most are not life threatening but Vascular Type EDS can shorten one’s lifespan by damaging valves such as those in the heart.

There really is no treatment currently for EDS. The main precaution doctors give is to avoid getting too much sun and limit physical activity because the most problematic problem with EDS patients is how easily their skin and joints are injured, which can lead to more serious problems such as infection, damaged joints, and early onset arthritis.

Assuming you are not overreacting about how your parents treat you and they really aren't being that dismissive of you or making you do too much, and if your parents are putting you at risk for injury, then, given your condition, Papabear would say this borders on, and perhaps IS, child abuse. Have you, thus far, been physically injured because of what your family has asked you to do in terms of chores and errands? Do you feel their actions might cause you serious injury? Then this is serious.

If, on the other paw, you don’t feel as if you are in any physical danger (whew!), you might be a victim of emotional abuse. The website www.ChildHelp.org defines emotional abuse, in part, as thus:  “Telling a child in a variety of ways that he or she is unwanted, having a lack of attachment, showing no interest, not initiating or returning affection, and/or not listening to the child.  Not validating feelings.  Breaking promises. Cutting the child off while he or she is speaking. Pretending to hear concerns, but then disregard them.” More definitions are outlined here: http://www.childhelp.org/page/-/pdfs/Child-Abuse-Definitions.pdf.

Depending on how badly you feel you are being treated, you can try a couple of things: 1) go back to your doctor and have him or her explain to your parents that you are suffering a serious chronic condition and that they need to understand that you can’t do the same things that other children might easily do for their parents; it could simply be that your parents are in denial about your illness and they need someone to give them a wake-up call; 2) if that is not feasible for some reason, you might try to find a mediator, someone you trust and who your parents also respect, such as a trusted uncle or grandmother. Tell him or her what is going on, how you feel, and see if they will talk to your parents about it. If this doesn’t help, you might consider 3) contacting a child abuse hotline and asking a professional for some guidance on the matter. Remember, Papabear is not a professional counselor and cannot give you authoritative advice on this matter, so it might be time to seek some help from someone really trained in recognizing child abuse and giving you some needed guidance.

You need to get your parents to listen to you and take you seriously. Papabear hopes that a mediator of some sort will do the trick and that your parents might better understand your special needs and be more sympathetic to you. EDS might not be as grim a disease as, say, cancer, but it is a very real and painful condition and they need to get that into their heads.

Hugs,

Papabear

Inspired from the art work of alectorfencer comes another Foxamoore & Colson music number. The art work can be see HERE and shows some fox (wolf?) being swept into the clouds full of stars. The picture is very inspiring when you look into it. The music number is once again very amazing, however I feel Colson needs to get into so more music pop numbers. To me and about half the world, we pick up main stream music and make it popular because of its beat and/or words in the song. Poems are nice to sing, however they lack repeated verses that make a catchy beat or memory for the song later. Much like “It’s Friday, Friday” song I really wish to hear Colson get something more catchy together. Foxamoore’s pieces are truly wow and mixing this with Colson always scores well on my chart. Anyways listen to the song, fav and comment all you wish, they are ALL talented and need your support.

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The July issue of Animation Magazine featured the 2012 Pitch Party, which has become an annual event.  The idea is simple: Entrants purchase a 1/16th-page ad in the magazine, and submit a one-panel “pitch” for a new animated TV series or feature. A panel of animation industry experts, the staff of Animation Magazine, and on-line readers each get a chance to pick their favorites.  Those industry folk this year included names from Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, PBS, and the Hub among others. And the top pick from both those bigwigs and the Animation staff was Jimmy Legs: The Down and Out Frog, created by Daniel Contois — the story of a cartoon frog living in America following a nuclear apocalypse. Oh what fun! And you can see the development of it at Dan’s web site.  But there were plenty of other entries of possible interest to furry fans, including Detective Cats (web site), Little Monsters (web site), Road Kill Heroes (web site), Swamp Stalkers (web site), Mad Cow (web site), Samurai Chinchilla (web site), and Bad Penguin (web site). And of course check out Animation’s web site to find out more about this year’s Pitch Party, and next year’s too.

image c. 2012 by Daniel Contois

 

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Author: E-Mail Hidden This week on KnotCast – Savrin, Shiva, and Fuzzwolf add to the Fifty Shades canon, talk about boring weeks, get a con report from Megaplex, and hear of someone sticking their dick in crazy. Fifty Shades generator Tails And Tactics Kickstarter – time limited Use our coupon code ‘knot’ at AdamEve.com for [...] KnotCast: Episode 188 – Serious Sht

Author: Fred Wired reports that Swiss scientists are trying to develop a sheep collar that will notify shepherds when wolves attack their sheep, and will release a chemical deterrent. read more Find the full article here: flayrah – furry food for thought Creative Commons: Full post may be available under a free license.

This week on KnotCast - Savrin, Shiva, and Fuzzwolf add to the Fifty Shades canon, talk about boring weeks, get a con report from Megaplex, and hear of someone sticking their dick in crazy. Fifty Shades generator http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/ Tails And Tactics Kickstarter - time limited http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1943120232/tail-and-tactics-trading-card-game-print-first-100 Use our coupon code 'knot' at AdamEve.com for a great deal! http://www.adameve.com/ Episode 188 - Serious Sht

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So here is the situation: My boyfriend currently lives with my mother and I. I'm about to move out for schooling, which means he needs to as well. He had plenty of funds saved up to start life on his own, but he got into a gnarly motorcycle accident and hospital bills killed his bank account. Because of this, he cannot come with me and will have to stay here in town, quite a ways away. Now there is not much I can do to help, BUT, I can draw. I'm doing a little advertising to hopefully get some quick commissions. But there's another catch: This morning, as I was getting out my tablet, the pen literally shattered. Like, it basically combusted, so I cannot do anything digital. SO. I am offering sketchbook page commissions. This means you'll get a full sketchbook page of sketches featuring your OC's, video game characters, whatever you please. I'll also color it for a few bucks extra. I am willing to mail them to you for no charge. I'm thinking $10 for a regular, 8x11 page, pay via PayPal.

For examples of my work, check out my Deviantart or my FurAffinity.

TL;DR: My boyfriend needs some emergency funds and I'm holding $10 sketchbook page commissions to help him out, since drawing is about the only thing I can do.

Thank you in advance, guys.

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I, uh... kinda have a... major fursuit fetish. This has caused me a fair amount of stress for a number of reasons. Negative reception from other furries, concern I'm never going to be able to find someone else I can explore it with, feeling neverous about potentially spending $1k+ on something I might not even like, promoting stereotypes (which I hate doing), general embarrassment, and a few other things. Does anyone have any advice on any of those?

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Dear Papabear,

With high school starting soon, I've slowly been drifting out of the social staleness I've adopted over the course of summer. I've started texting friends more often, being friendlier and generally preparing for the overbearing social situation of school. With me texting more, I came across the name of a crush that I have. His name is Matt. 

Might seem simple to most people. Text him, develop a relationship. I wish it was that easy. Wanna make the situation a little more complicated. My name is James.

Want to make it even more complicated? I've yet to come out to my parents and dating another guy while my parents still think I'm straight is a rather hairy situation. I've told a few close friends and they've been supportive. 

One of my main problems is doubting if I actually have an interest in males. I keep telling myself that it could be hormones or teenager impulse or something else associated with teenship that I could blame this one, and I keep imagining a scene where I'm in my boyfriend’s embrace and I realize I'm not gay. That would be one of the worst scenes I could imagine. A simple "Just Kidding" wouldn't defuse that situation.

What should I do? Thank you Papabear.
~James

* * *

Dear James,

You don’t disclose how old you are, but I will assume that you are a young male probably in your late teens or thereabout.  That is a tough time for everyone when you really begin to solidify who you are, and part of that discovery is your sexuality.

First of all, you must rid yourself of the notion that sexuality is black and white, hetero vs. homo. Human sexuality is far more complex than that, with most people falling somewhere in between. It is, actually, quite normal for men who later settle into a heterosexual relationship to have experimented in some fashion with a homosexual one. In fact, the famous Kinsey Report makes note that somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of males have, at some point in their life, had a homosexual experience of some kind. This did not mean that they were strictly homosexual, just that they had an erotic experience with another man. Sometimes this was an isolated occurrence, sometimes not. 

If it weren’t for the pressures that society puts upon us to be straight, such freedom of sexual expression would be much more common and we would be less neurotic about it. As the Report notes: 

If homosexual activity persists on as large a scale as it does, in the face of the very considerable public sentiment against it and in spite of the severity of the penalties that our Anglo-American culture has placed upon it through the centuries, there seems some reason for believing that such activity would appear in the histories of a much larger portion of the population if there were no social restraints. The very general occurrence of the homosexual in ancient Greece ... and its wide occurrence today in some cultures in which such activity is not as taboo as it is in our own, suggests that the capacity of an individual to respond erotically to any sort of stimulus, whether it is provided by another person of the same or of the opposite sex, is basic in the species [emphasis mine].

Alfred Kinsey developed what is called the Kinsey Scale to illustrate sexuality in a spectrum, as follows:

0:  Exclusively heterosexual
1:  Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2: Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3: Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4: Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5: Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6: Exclusively homosexual
X: Nonsexual

Later, a psychiatrist named Fritz Klein continued this work and developed the more elaborate Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, an explanation of which can be found here: http://www.bisexual.org/kleingrid.html.

ANYWAY, the reason I note all of the above is to validate your inner questioning about your sexuality. Some people are lucky and realize for certain that they are gay or straight at an early age and can proceed with their lives accordingly. Others, like you and me, struggle more with this identification for a longer period of time before we figure it out.

Papabear’s advice to you, James, is that you do not enter into a serious, sexual relationship with Matt until you have resolved this question within you one way or another because it is unfair to both Matt and you. Stay friends, but refrain from sex until you are sure what you want. Once you do figure it out, though, don’t be surprised if your sexuality lies somewhere in the grey area between gay and straight and that you do, indeed, want to explore a romantic relationship with Matt. Along the way, be sure that Matt understands what you are doing and what your motivation is by communicating with him.

In a world where there is so much hate, prejudice, and misunderstanding, it is sad that we still fear loving other people just because they do not fit societal norms. We have progressed somewhat in the areas of race and religion here in America (although there is still a lot of prejudice here), but we have a long way to go when it comes to homosexuality. Wouldn’t it be great if we could love someone just for the spirit that resides inside them, regardless of what is on the outside? Then, you could love Matt openly, James, without these types of worries because you love the person that is Matt, regardless of whether or not he has a penis, not fretting about your own sexual orientation because it would be a nonissue.

But we live in a world where we are hung up about sex. You and Matt live in that world, too, and it is rife with land mines that could explode if you are not careful. Take some time, James, to figure out where to tread, and once you do, I hope you will take Matt’s paw in yours and walk together.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear