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Dear Papa Bear,

One of my dreams is to be fearless. I want to understand the difference between rational and irrational fears, and the extent to which I should fear them.

Let me explain.

I want to rid myself of any irrational fear, and learn to not overreact to rational fears. Over time, I've discovered that my number one biggest fear is losing my friends. I don't know if it's co-dependence, or just obsession, but I love my friends more than life itself. I've told them before that I'd give it all if I had to, to make sure they are safe. Now, one of my friends, 2 Gryphon, has told me that I AM obsessing too much, and that a friend is simply someone I get along with and can share common interests, and someone I enjoy being around. In fact, he made the comment that what I'm looking for is actually a mate. This is not true because I'm asexual, and just not interested. But it got me thinking.

Am I putting so much devotion into my friends, that the relationship I have is more of a marriage than a friendship? Am I placing my friends so high on my list, that they may feel uncomfortable sometimes?
And that question, on top of the original fear, is what led me here.

All of my friends are used to how I act around them, and they know all my little quirks. If I just change that, and become a more casual and simple guy, will they still like me? That sounds stupid to ask, and I know if they don't, then they weren't good friends and all that, but they are. The person I call a friend is always someone I can put my faith in, otherwise I wouldn't be willing to give it all. So I know my friends wouldn't abandon me, but then why do I fear the change? Am I just too used to how things are already? I want to be a better friend, and I think 2 has the right idea, because he's never told me anything that turned out wrong in the past. 

The thing is, I fear losing my friends, but I also fear losing who I am. I am a person who makes friends out of people he can truly invest it, and I spend all my time seeing how they're doing, or if they want to hang out, or what I can do to help out in this, that, or the other. If I slow down, just talk to them about common interests, and every now and then, ask how their day's going, how do I maintain that deep connection? If I can't, then how do I know who to befriend in the future?

I fear losing my friends more than hell itself, and I fear losing who I am in trying to be a better friend the way 2 explained it. I don't know what to do, or even if this is comprehensible to the human mind...excuse me, bear mind.

Sincerely,
Soren

* * *

Hi, Soren,

It's really impossible for me to generalize how all of your friends will react because each one of them is an individual and will react to things that you do or say on an individual basis.

First, when it comes to mates: it's not always about sex (even though that is usually an important component). You can have a mate and, if you're both asexual, for example, be perfectly happy together without sex. This can happen in other cases, as well, such as when people are quite old and really not that interested in sex, or when one or both is ill and incapable of sex. The point is, they can have a close and loving relationship without it.

Friendships, too, come in degrees. I've had friendships with people with whom I've been pretty casual and noncommittal all the way up to Friends with Benefits. Even then, just because I've had sex with them, doesn't mean I want a partnered relationship.

Treat each relationship as unique and special. Some friendships will grow and blossom, others will whither with time over the years, you'll lose friends, but also make new ones. But the friendships you make will be much more genuine if you present yourself as who you really are (hmmm, that sounds like a reference to something recent...) rather than what you think others want you to be.

Make sense?

Hugs,
Papabear

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A care package from space, and the week’s projects.

Illustration from “Fantasy Squish Playing Card Deck,” now on Kickstarter. 

I am a bit of a ditz. I accept this and embrace it. I also have a bad habit of ordering things on Kickstarter and forgetting about them—and the “surprise, it’s Kickstarter Christmas!” is a part of the lifestyle. And then I got this in the mail.
“What is it,” I thought? The layers of stamps, California address, and the general “I can’t tell if this was sent from a friend or from fairies” look to the envelope made me immediately get my partner and housemate for an opening experience.

A few weeks ago I’d been listening to an NPR article about a company—the Mysterious Package Company—which had gotten a recent very successful start through Kickstarter. Their product was stories.

As a marketer and a storyteller—and as a human being (well, sort of)—the idea was compelling. A company that makes narratives that people want to buy into! Buy someone the gift of an experience! And I do have a few friends that are as much into this sort of thing as I would wish to be. Maybe someone got me one?

Or maybe I’d just forgotten about another Kickstarter.

So…I opened it.It got even weirder,

I had no idea what the hell I’d gotten.

See below.

Wow, that’s a terrible photo! But hopefully you can see the weirdness–stickers that look very much like mysterious bumper stickers from the Bavarian Illuminati’s rock band, and a mysterious golden disc with a big-breasted sphinx–quite heavy for its size–with the mysterious text on the side:

MARSCO30018 CIV. TOGGLE. IF FOUND, DESTROY. DATA WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO OWNER’S REPLACEMENT.

Hmm.

We pondered this for a while. There was no obvious input device for a big-breasted sphinx (really, the mind boggles). Putting it to our foreheads didn’t help. The code number wasn’t terribly useful. Banging it against a rock and then throwing it in the air so that it turned into a satellite? No (and it’s been done.)

Weirdest care package ever.

As it turns out, I’d completely forgotten that the nice people behind HC SVNT DRACONES had sent me a bundle of swag as a backer reward, but…LABELS, people :)

On the other hand, it’s rare that you get a care package from space aliens. So, no regrets :)

Reviews this “week”: We are having a run of 1930s retro lately! Check out Ironclaw publisher Sanguine Games’ new fur-noir project, “Urban Jungles,” and fight sky pirates with a wrench and RAW GUMPTION in Wild Skies!

For a “complete” list of furry/fur-friendly crowdfunding projects, check out the Project Page New Projects Art

Project Manimals (Ends: 10/29/2015)
An art project and cause, very realistic commissions to buy the artisst’s mother a kidney. Remarkable artwork!
I’m not a fan generally of using Indiegogo to farm commissions, but this one is unusually nice AND unusually successful, almost $3000 raised.

Children’s Product

Otter Twin Magic (Ends: 10/27/2015)
For children. And otters. A talking-animal book about otters. This blurb is going in circles…

Boots and Cats (Ends: 10/31/2015)
A Child’s Garden of Beat-Boxing, two kittens dance and bass their way through a primer for kiddies who want to make MORE noise. But more interesting noise :)
THIS IS SO CUTE

Comics/Graphic Novels

Chirault II (Ends: 10/24/2015)
A dark and moody epic fantasy graphic novel, with strange monsters (and the obligatory cat girl)

Lloyd and the Bear (Ends: 11/7/2015)
Graphic novel of the Lloyd & the Bear comic series, with lots of extras.
Cheerful and minimalist art, kind of reminds me of the world of Designer Toys.

Torchlight Lullaby (Ends: 11/11/2015)
Kids/tweenies graphic novel featuring anthro koalas, a raven/kenku, and one of the cuter foxes of Kickstarter 2015
Oklay, some shots of the fox are cute, others are rough. It’s a little bit Indie Comic and your mileage may vary.

Feral vol. III (Ends: 11/13/2015)
The third installment of the intense FERAL comic series by DrDubz, Hayley Rosa’s trials in the FERAL fighting circuit, old school martial arts movie plot in the modern urban jungle.

Film/Animation/Theater

Molly’s Follies (Ends: 11/4/2015)
A 2D animated webseries featuring a modern witch and her evil, evil devil cat.

Tabletop Games

Fantasy Squish Playing Card Deck (Ends: 10/28/2015)
Chibi bunnies, dragons, ponies and jesters decorate this adorable playing card deck.
Cute! I don’t know what a squish is, it’s clearly meaningful to the creator…

Urban Jungle (Ends: 11/8/2015)
A fur-noir tabletop RPG of gansters, flappers, swindlers, and hard-luck cases from the makers of Ironclaw.

Le Chat Rouge (Ends: 11/9/2015)
Mardi Gras/Italian Renaissance style royalty on these elegant cards, but the jester is a very pretty anthro cat, well worth a look just for those two cards.

…Just for fun

That, My Lad, was a dragon! (Ends: 11/11/2015): Beautifuly done, semi-anthropomorphic dragon miniature, detailed and nicely muscled.
Mental Illnes Plushies (Ends: 11/14/2015): This is a quirky project–stuffed and strange versions of mental illnesses, one part thoughtful, one part silly.
My 8Bit Story (Ends: 11/30/2015): Graphic novel–a child world-hops through the worlds of her game boy. +1 Megaman, Pokemon, would read again!

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In what situations do they act like an animal? And when do they behave like a human?

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Hi, Everyone,

I'm not leaving the column.

I won't lie and say that what happened with that troll didn't hurt. I was emotionally manipulated in an incredibly deceitful way by a person who regards himself as "clever" because he fooled me. So be it. Call me gullible. Call me stupid for trying to reply to a plea for help.

All my replies to his fake letters were made sincerely. They took me hours to write. In the meantime, other real people with real problems had to wait. So, his trolling also affected them.

It disturbs me greatly that this person regarded me as a subject for his "experiment." Humans are not lab rats. It is that attitude that led to things like experiments on Jews in concentration camps, the Tuskegee syphilis experiment in which black men were deliberately injected with a disease by the American government, or, more recently, Zuckerberg's little manipulation in which Facebook readers were deliberately fed negative news in order to see if it would depress them and affect their posts. I'm not saying what happened to me matches this scale, but the fundamental concept is the same: people are just things to be toyed with to the minds of trolls.

Dear readers, know this: what you see on this page is me. I have revealed to all of you my heart, my beliefs, my failings in order to gain your trust so that when I tell you something it will be believed as a sincere effort to try and help you. Now, sometimes I may be wrong. Sometimes I might even say something dumb, but at least it's done with honesty. Also, you do not have to listen to my advice. As you know, I don't charge for it. And I will never ever try to make you look foolish (er, maybe with the exception of this troll--how about this: I won't make you look foolish if you are honest with me).

Everything I've written here has been written for love of the furry community. I'm very sorry that I let this troll get to me. He really did hurt me deeply, and I will acknowledge that here so he can have his laugh at my expense. You know what? I'm only human. So is this troll guy, whoever he really is. And, as a human being and a furry, I will confess an ugliness in my heart. I frankly don't care who he is anymore, and, no, I don't wish him well. There is no good excuse for what he did. None.

If I could magically curse him, my curse would be this: that no one believes anything that comes out of his mouth for the rest of his life. (Good Lord! I just created another politician! Shame on me!)

Most people I meet in life are good people. For those good people, this column will continue.

Love You,
​Papabear