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submitted by Foxes281
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(Note: Papabear received this letter before Christmas and replied to in private before writing the full article you see below. This letter is dedicated to those of you who may not have had the most pleasant of family experiences during the holidays. Family life can be tough, but if you believe in yourself and don't let others beat you down, you can surmount the pettiness and hurt. Remember, too, that a family is not just about blood relations. You can find or create your own family! And you can find and create your own happiness, as well. Bear hugs to all of you.)

Hello again,

I guess I should start off by apologizing for being such a boomerang, I honestly have no one I can turn to. And it’s just so nice to have one place where I know I will be listened too. Sorry to waste your time again. I'm not sure what the correct way to ask this is, but how do you know when to “give up” on your family and hopes of having a decent relationship with them?

I have had this problem for years. For as long as I can remember, I've had to struggle to “earn” a place within my own family. I just don't fit in. Even back when I was a child, I always felt like the outsider. When I tried to take part in family activities, they always made me feel like I was the extra, unwanted third wheel. And I don't know why, but things had been this way since I was a child.

I remember that I started to notice this around 6. I wish—from the bottom of my heart—I wish I knew what I did that was so wrong, so horrible that I was forever cut out of the family. I've been trying. I've fought for years to try and fix whatever it is that I've done, but it’s never enough. I've never done a good enough job, I'm never enough.

I just can't take it anymore, from 6 to 26 this struggle has gone on. I've given this 20 years of my life and I can't give anymore. I'm tired, so very tired, and I'm in very bad health. I have an auto-immune condition, and it just makes life harder. I'm sick and tired and I don't want to fight anymore.

I given my mother everything: my time, my energy, my money, and of course my love, with nothing to show for it. I know she’s had a difficult life and I’m sorry she had, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I am unfairly blamed for the difficulties she is currently having. I can’t do it anymore. How much more do I have to take before she realizes that I can’t be held accountable for what she does? OR what happens to her? I have no power in this life. I try my best to always help her, but when it doesn’t work out, I’m the one at fault.

My brothers have followed the same path, as well,. My oldest brother acts like I'm this hideous creature that should have been locked away and kept as some dark family secret. I know that I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes in my life. I know that having a physically disabled sister is probably deeply embarrassing, but I can't change what is wrong with me. He was always considered the “pretty” one in the family, and I'm sure it’s awkward to have such an unattractive sister, but until I can afford plastic surgery, there is nothing I can do.

My middle brother blames everything bad in his life on me. He dropped out of school because my mom was going to various doctors with me. She didn't believe I was sick and she didn't believe me when I told her what the doctors said, so she would come with me to get it straight from the horse’s mouth, as it were. He got a large sum of money from our father and is convinced I stole it, which I have not.

My youngest brother (and I'm sorry to say he is the only one I truly hate) just seems to exist to make my life more difficult. He is constantly making up lies for no reason at all! He told my mother I beat him and went after him with a knife, which I never did. HE also told her that I leave the house at odd hours and go places with strange men in cars, none of which is true. He’s constantly hounding me for the sake of it, made up these insane lies about my cats, and now I have to give them up because of him. He not only makes up these insane lies, but he has a fondness for trying to hurt them. I fear for their safety, and as devastated as I am about that, I have no choice. My mother refused to believe me and that he is lying. It’s like everything he says is gospel.

Now he’s on this kick where he has a childish tantrum every time I sit in the living and try to watch television. He used to have these tantrums every time I sat on the couch. It got so bad that I went out and bought myself a chair for the living room because I'm not going to sit on the floor. He's not a little kid; he's 17 years old and doesn't have any kind of mental or physical problem. He just likes making me as miserable as possible.

And the kicker is I’m constantly having fights with my mother because I spend so much time in my room. Where the hell am I suppose to go if he freaks out every time I sit in the living room? Is it wrong for me to just give up and walk away? I mean, it certainly seems like that’s what everyone wants. I really don’t want to cut them out of my life. It's a messed up thing to have to do. I really don't want to do this, but I've tried going to therapy and it didn't help. She denies everything and acts like the victim and has made it very clear she isn’t going to alter her behavior at all.

So what choice to I have? I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of wondering why I'm not good enough. I'm tired of wondering if I should just end it all. I just want to be happy, and I honestly don't think I can do that without cutting them out of my life, maybe not forever but at least for a long while. Sorry to write again and sorry that this is probably really long and probably hard to read. I was crying a lot when I typed this and I try to always write in proper English, I'm sure I messed up somewhere.

Thank you and Merry Christmas,
Galileo (age 26)

* * *

Dear Jennifer,

I remember you writing a few months ago (http://www.askpapabear.com/letters/she-feels-rejected-because-of-her-disability-and-her-appearance) but you hadn't gone into such detail as you do here about your family.

If I could give you a big hug now, I sure would. I cannot excuse or adequately say why your family is like this to you, but they are not acting like family, in my opinion. Real family--and that is not necessarily blood relatives--love and support you no matter what. They don't treat you like this.

Psychologists and counselors call what is happening to you “scapegoating.” Scapegoating occurs in seriously dysfunctional families. There are a number of scenarios as to why this occurs, but in your particular case, I would say the key person here is your mother. She has “problems,” as you say, and probably low self-esteem. She is frustrated and angry with life, and to alleviate herself of the stress this causes, she has targeted you for the blame. The reason it’s you, frankly, is because you are seen as the weak family member and, therefore, an easy target who cannot or will not defend herself.

What happens next, as you have seen, is that your siblings pick up on your mother’s behavior, which indicates to them that they have her tacit approval to pick on you, too (especially the brother who is the “golden child” who can do no wrong). They become bullies, which makes them feel better about themselves because, hey, at least whatever things they are having problems with are way better than what their sister is suffering. You are, in short, a punching bag.

There is a very good article about this by Lynne Namka, Ed.D., at this website: http://www.angriesout.com/grown19.htm. Please read it.

If it helps, you officially have Papabear’s permission and approval to tell your family to take a hike. You are not to blame for any of this, so please do not blame yourself. A real, healthy family would love and cherish you without question. You, sadly, are living in a very unhealthy family.

You are 26. Would you be able to make it on your own or with some friends? If so, then that wouldn't be a bad idea at all. It would be a great idea, in fact. You need to get out of this bad environment. If I were in your position, I would do whatever I could to get out of it. And I would also do some reading on scapegoating (Namka provides some resources) and work on rebuilding my self-esteem.

This doesn't mean you have to cut out your family completely. You can always leave the door open on your way out, and if they choose to actually be family to you again someday, let them back in. For now, you need some distance. You need time away to repair the emotional scars they have carved into your heart.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve it. No human being does.

Hugs,

Papabear

Lurkers plz.

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Do you know any artist that will do a comic commission (yes i know comics can rack up in price) I dont want to shell out a grand for a comic commission if you know what i mean (the struggles c.c) (anything under $70 a page)

submitted by Twotails2
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In an interesting article over at Cartoon Brew, writer Scott Thill discusses a notable animated cartoon short — which is celebrating its 75th anniversary. The amazing thing is that it was made at all. Peace on Earth was created at MGM Animation (the home of Tom & Jerry) and directed by Hugh Harman. Despite the objections of MGM executive Fred Quimby, the film was finished: And for a cartoon finished right before the outbreak of World War II, it’s quite surprising. An elderly squirrel (voiced by an un-credited Mel Blanc) tells his young grand-kids the story of the end of human-kind in a terrible war… and how the animals, directed by the bible, re-built the world and declared an end to conflicts and fighting of all kinds.  An end which they celebrate and renew every year at Christmas. Seriously, go check it out at the bottom of the article. This film is very hard to find — but likely, it should be seen a lot more.

image c. 2014 Cartoon Brew

I just don't know that many furries and I feel like I would have a great time meeting you! I see that the community is great too! PM me please!

submitted by TheCloudHusky
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Hey guys, ive been searching for a few days for a webcomic that was kind of slice of life. I read it a few years ago but cant seem to remember it at all. I think the main character was some sort of rabbit, and his girlfriend was a white cat who he played games with. I think he had a badger for a friend. I know that they did various drugs at different points. With the main character getting in trouble for flipping shit while on shrooms. if any one knows what this webcomic is called I would be very appreciated.

submitted by kleinvoimond
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Personal update since I posted this

I no longer have a dilemma about this. I accidentally told one of my old mates IRL (long story, i'll tell ya if you like :3), and judging by the messages and emails I have since received, every one of my friends now knows. Problem solved, I guess XD

Thanks for all the replies anyways c;

EDIT: Long story in comments section c;

submitted by TehWhitehart
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So, I was about to check my email when I noticed this on the yahoo home page...

http://music.yahoo.com/photos/miley-cyrus-s-bangerz-tour-has-begun-and-it-s-ridiculous-1392491014-slideshow/

Well, I started clicking through out of curiosity and noticed a blue fox/wolf in the background.
It's totally a fursuit. It looks like a legit fursuit & not one of those mass-produced bit of terribles.

Seen here:
http://tinyurl.com/q3x53rc

And a few images later I see this:
http://tinyurl.com/odprtou

And a better shot of the canine/fox suit:
http://tinyurl.com/khjb9ez

It's certainly not the first time furries have shared the stage with music groups:

Flaming lips has them regularly, and even Incubus & Moby have featured them in videos.

http://www.vox.com/2014/12/10/7362321/9-questions-about-furries-you-were-too-embarrassed-to-ask

9 questions about furries you were too embarrassed to askUpdated by Dylan Matthews on December 10, 2014, 8:00 a.m. ET

Nineteen attendees of the Midwest FurFest were sent to the hospital after an apparently intentional chlorine gas attack in the Hyatt hotel in Rosemont, Illinois, where the convention was being held.

Midwest FurFest is what's known as a "furry convention," aimed at members of the furry subculture. That group has come in for a lot of ridicule over the years from posters on sites like Something Awful and 4chan. Mainstream press accounts tend to portray furries as sexual fetishists united by a common interest in sex in animal costumes.

But survey evidence suggests a lot of these stereotypes are wrong (very few furries think sex in animal costumes is a good idea, for instance). Here's a brief guide to the furry community, which hopefully can clear up some of these misunderstandings.

1) So being a furry means you run around in a fur suit all the time, right?

Fur-suiters on parade at Anthrocon 2007. Note that most of the people on the convention floor aren't suited. (Douglas Muth)

Fur-suiting and the furry community tend to be conflated in the popular press, but research by the International Anthropomorphic Research Project, which studies the furry fandom, suggests fur-suiters are a minority of that community.

A 2007 survey found that only 26.4 percent of respondents at a furry convention reportedowning a fur-suit and 30 percent reported wearing one. A 2014 survey found that tails are the most commonly owned fur-suit component, with 48.1 percent of respondents at Furry Fiesta 2014 reporting owning a tail. Only 13 percent reported owning a full suit, while 34.3 percent reported wearing any clothing or accessories associated with their furry persona or "fursona" (more on that in a sec).

2) Is being a furry just a sexual fetish?

No, though, like with any other fan interest (video games, comics, etc.) there are sexual themes present. While sexual activity with other furries (known as "yiffing," after the sound foxes make during sex) is part of the subculture for some, others maintain a non-erotic interest in the subject.

Furries are typically subject to media portrayals that overemphasize the sexual aspect of the fandom, such as this bit from 30 Rock:

Furry Josh Strom explained to Boing Boing's Lisa Katayama, "We go to conventions to hang out with friends, maybe buy something like art or badges, go to a discussion panel or see a show. Swinger parties and fetishes are there, but that's not what the fandom is about." And the focus on sex in fur suits is particularly wrongheaded. For one thing, only a small minority of furries own full fur suits. For another, as Plante points out, "Nearly all fur-suiters will make it explicitly clear that sex in a fur suit is completely undesirable (not arousing, damaging to the suit, and not something they’re interested in doing)."

A survey at Furry Fiesta 2013 found that 96.3 percent of male respondents and 78.3 percent of female ones reported viewing furry pornography (which, it should be noted, is a broad category and typically quite similar to regular porn albeit with furry traits added); men reported looking at furry porn 41.5 times per month on average, while women reported looking 10.5 times per month.

But they also reported that most of their involvement in the fandom was non-sexual. Men reported spending 34 percent of their online roleplaying time on sexual content, and women reported spending only 21.4 percent. Nearly half of male furries, and a large majority of women, reported that sexual content played little or no role in their introduction to the fandom:

(International Anthropomorphic Research Project)

3) So what is a furry, then?

In the broadest sense, a furry is someone with an interest in anthropomorphized animals — that is, animals who have been given human characteristics, like an ability to talk or walk on their hind legs.

That encompasses a wide spectrum, from people who are simply fans of TV shows and video games featuring anthropomorphic animal characters (like Sonic the Hedgehog or Pokémon), to people who develop a highly specific furry character ("fursona") they identify with, to "otherkin" who see themselves as not fully human on a spiritual or mental level.

Dr. Courtney "Nuka" Plante, a social psychologist at the University of Waterloo and member of the Anthropomorphic Research Project team, analogizes furries to other fan groups, like comic book enthusiasts or Trekkers. "It has its origins in the science fiction fandom," he said. "If you like comic books with characters who are like animals, or artwork with humans with animal traits, those would be considered forms of furry artwork."

4) What is a fursona?

A fursona inspired by The Lion King (Nala15)

A fursona is a "furry-themed avatar" which furries use "to represent themselves when interacting with other members of the fandom," according to a recent paper by social psychologist Plante and fellow Anthropomorphic Research Project members Dr. Sharon Roberts, Dr. Stephen Reysen, and Dr. Kathy Gerbasi. "Nearly every furry has a fursona," Plante said. "It's well into the high 90s — 97 or 98 percent."

Crafting a fursona involves picking an animal — real or mythical — to represent yourself as, or, less commonly, designing a new mythical animal for yourself. Fursonas typically have names and are often the inspiration for artwork or fiction, but the degree of investment in them can vary. "For many it's just a cutesy avatar to represent yourself to people," Plante said. "For others, it's much more deep and meaningful."

5) Can I get a music break?

Of course! In addition to visual artists and fiction writers, many furries are accomplished musicians who create work with furry themes or otherwise blend their musical interests into their fandom. Here's Bucktown Tiger, a furry pianist, performing a movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata at Anthrocon, the world's largest furry convention held in Pittsburgh every year, in 2010:

6) So being a furry isn't really about sex. What do furry fans actually do, then?

You can divide furry fan activities into online fandom and furry conventions. In each case, the analogy to science fiction and comic book fandoms is strong. Fan art is an important part of furry fandom, just as it is for comic book fans. A 2012 synthesis from the Anthropomorphic Research Project, looking at several surveys conducted online and in various conventions, found that thevast majority of the most popular furry sites are art-related. Many of those sites — likeFurAffinity and SoFurry — also host furry-related fiction and music, and provide forums for fan discussion and community-building.

Conventions — which Plante says about half of furries attend on an annual or semiannual basis — create an in-real-life space for furries, many if not most of whom have met online, to hang out, and they also provide a way to talk to artists who are popular within the fandom. This is similar to how events like Comic Con let people talk to favorite movie directors and actors and comic artists. "It's like sci-fi fandom," Plante said. "If a fan is much more casual, it may be enough to buy the books and watch the movies. But for others, meeting JJ Abrams or meeting the voice actors from your favorite show is very meaningful."

Like fans in other communities, furries often report being bullied or ostracized in the past. "These conventions are the first places they could go to not be picked on for being into these comics or watching cartoons when they're no longer a kid," Plante said.

7) Are furries the same thing as bronies?

The cast of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (My Little Pony)

No, but they're not totally disconnected either. "Bronies" refers exclusively to fans of the showMy Little Pony: Friendship is Magic; originally it only referred to male fans but the definition has been broadened in practice. Bronies share one basic commonality with furries: they're interested in anthropomorphized representations of animals. The 2012 survey synthesis found that nearly a quarter (23.5 percent) of furries identify as bronies. This wasn't the result of a brony "invasion" of furrydom, the results suggest, but rather a development of interest in the show by pre-existing furries.

About half of furries consider bronies a subgroup of furrydom; another 28 percent say they're related but not a subset, and 22 percent say there's no connection at all. There's a substantial degree of enmity toward bronies among furries as a whole, with 38 percent expressing negative views toward them compared to 36 percent reporting positive feelings and 26 percent reporting indifference.

Interestingly, there were very few demographic differences between the furry and brony fandoms. "With only a few minor exceptions," the researchers conclude, "furries and bronies are relatively indistinguishable from one another beyond the differences in the content of their fandom."

8) What kind of people are furries?

Fur-suiters before a rehearsal of the musical Furry Tales, the night before Anthrocon 2007. (GreenReaper)

Surveys suggest that furries are overwhelmingly male and white, are disproportionately likely to be gay, bi, or trans, and skew younger, with an average age in the mid-20s.

The 2012 survey synthesis estimated that 79.2 to 85.7 percent of furries at conventions were male, as were 78.3 to 84.6 percent of furries active online. A majority were atheist (44.36 percent) or agnostic (9.47 percent); 23.19 percent identify as Christian, 3.94 percent as Pagan, 1.91 percent as Wiccan, and 13.72 percent as "other."

Convention attendees were a bit older (24 to 27.1) on average than online furries (23 to 25.6) but in both cases the group skews quite young. Perhaps reflecting that, only 3.8 percent of furries have one or more children, according to survey evidence. Furries don't make significantly more or less money than the general US public and tend to be significantly more left-leaning politically. And they're much likelier than the public at large to report a non-straight sexual orientation, with well under 30 percent reporting exclusive heterosexuality:

(International Anthropomorphic Research Project)

A later study, conducted in early July 2014 at Anthrocon, found that almost 90 percent of respondents identified as white.

9) Do furries think they're animals?

It's complicated. About one in three furries report feeling not 100 percent human. A small fraction (8 to 14 percent) report meaning this in a physical sense, with many more stating they feel not fully human mentally or spiritually. About 38 to 53 percent report a desire to be 0 percent human, if they could be.

Furries and other people who identify as non-human in some substantial degree are known as "otherkin." "Therians" are otherkin who identify with, in whole or part, an actually existing species that live or have lived on Earth (wolves are the most common). Some reserve the term otherkin for those identifying as fictional or fantastical creatures (dragons, vampires, etc.) while others use it as a catch-all term.

Some researchers have suggested that the existence of otherkin and therians suggest these people could have a "Species Identity Disorder," modeled after "Gender Identity Disorder," which is used by psychiatrists to classify trans people. (Many trans people argue that theclassification of gender dysmorphia as a disorder is stigmatizing and counterproductive.) Critics have responded by arguing that the analogy obscures more than it enlightens.

Vox.com is a general interest news site for the 21st century. Its mission is simple: Explain the News.Vox is where you go to understand the news and the world around you. It treats serious topics seriously, candidly shepherding people through complex topics ranging from politics, public policy and world affairs to pop culture, science, business, food, sports and everything else that matters. Amassing over 5MM unique visitors in just over a month, Vox's unprecedented inception represents one of the most successful launches in digital and proves that this new kind of news site is truly fulfilling the previously unmet demand for explanatory journalism.

In regards to the thread posted not too long ago about what you wanted, what did you get?

submitted by Arkazex
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So, for starters, hi ^ been lurking here for a couple of months after my boyfriend showed me reddit, and finally decided to sign up.

Okay question time. I was wondering if anyone has a fursona of one species that has a were of another species? If that makes any sense, I have a horrible way with words -.-

submitted by WerewolfKitty
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