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Author: dronon This week I accidentally stumbled across two animated shorts, both from the DailyMotion Talking Animals account. The first, Chicken Wings by Pauline Kortmann, is described like this: Once upon a time, when the Wild West was still wild, a Cowgirl and a Werewolf travel the hostile land. As a chicken walks their way [...]

Hello there! Well, I'm moderately good at sketching and I've drawn my 'sona, but alas, I lack skill in digitizing/colouring. If you are willing, comment here and I would love to trade some sketches to you if you could lineart over the top of this sketch:http://imgur.com/ozZ28O7 so I am able to fill it in with a paint bucket. I will do 3-4 sketches for you if you can do this. Examples of my work:http://imgur.com/9pZkBNR, http://imgur.com/vRRXaCA

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Okay, so I live in California and I have been researching lately on the matter of audio recording people without their consent through a phone. Now many people online are mostly concerned about recording other people without their consent for matters of taking to court or use against them in the future. I really don't care to record people for this purpose. Now, I want to record my typical conversations during the day with people I have in different matters, such as meeting up with a friend I haven't seen for a while and chatting up, reminiscing about past time, crack jokes and just have a good friendly conversation. Now the reason I want to record such incidents will just be for myself to rehear later on in the future and smile at the conversation we had, that if not recorded could have just been lost to time and just a distant memory. Technology allows us to treasure such occasions.

Now the question is and I know the obvious response would be just get the consent of the other person, though would I have to do it every time, since California has the two party consent law. I really would just like to go in the conversation naturally as the moment is and just talk freely as friends, but without having to say every time "Hey I want to record this conversation cause I want to rehear it latter on, is it okay with you." or when I meet a new girl and I feel that the conversation will be of good remembrance to either reflect on the point were she found me annoying and lost the chance to make a good impression or if I made a great impression from the start, to be able to later on, if we hit it off good and we start dating, just hear back on our first conversation. Now telling someone you just met, "Hey, I’m gonna record this" will surely throw off the person. Now my intentions won't ever be to use the recording against that person. But just for me to reflect on myself in a deeper sense, thanks to technology, that if not it would have just been lost to my memory, which is really not that good in point where things seems so natural in the sense.

Thank You. 
-Freddie 

* * *

Hi, Freddie,

Your letter reminds me of a related column Papabear wrote about videotaping people in public (http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/10/is-it-legal-to-record-someone-in-public-without-permission.html). I’m glad you wrote me, because recording a phone conversation is different.

Federal law says that you may record a telephone conversation as long as at least one party in the conversation consents to being recorded. The one party can be you, or, if you are not actually participating, someone that you inform that they are being recorded and they consent to that. This is called “one-party consent.”

However, individual states also have their own laws, as you are apparently cognizant of. Some go by the one-party law, but others, including California, where you and I live, require that all parties being recorded know that they are being recorded. Although this is called “two-party consent,” it applies to all people participating in the conversation, so it applies to conference calls with lots of participants, for instance. (Read more here: http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations).

Now, if you make a recording in a state where the one-party system is allowed, and the other person also lives in your state or another state where it is allowed, then you do not have to inform the other person. BUT, if you and/or the other party lives in a two-party consent state, then all parties must be informed.

This is why it’s easier just to cover your bases and tell everyone on the phone that you are recording the conversation. And you really should do this at the beginning of the phone call so that there are no surprises and no potential for misunderstanding, legal or otherwise.

It’s a nice thought to record conversations with loved ones so that you may treasure them later, especially when it is during an important event such as a birthday or anniversary. I understand your concern that introducing the conversation with “Oh, by the way, I’m recording this, if that’s okay with you,” might put a damper on spontaneity, but it is still the wisest thing to do.

Hope that helps,

Papabear

This week has just brought me down, with Boston and Waco and everything. What are some feel-good furry movies that would cheer me up?

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Just post a comment telling me what you want me to draw (your fursona or any other furry request) and I will attempt it. Drawing will be pretty bad, that's the point. It's free comedy.

Go easy on me, this is my first post.

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The show scheduled for Friday, April 26th will be cancelled, as Dante will be preforming in a play during that weekend. Episode 14 will air at the normal time the following week on May 3rd.

 _Striker

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Striker and Dante are joined via skype by Fayroe from furcast. Topics include public perception and drama.


.

Fayroe
-http://www.furaffinity.net/user/fayroe/

Blood Donor Dogs
-http://news.yahoo.com/blood-donor-dogs-more-mans-best-friend-155615672.html

Murder Cats
-http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill

Writer calls for feral cat genocide
-http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/03/130320-feral-cats-euthanize-ted-williams-audubon-science/

Case against species reintroduction
-http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/03/130312--deextinction-conservation-animals-science-extinction-biodiversity-habitat-environment/

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NOTE: In a previous version of this episode I made an error in the production, causing Wolfgun's track 'Potemkin' to be altered in such a way that was unacceptable to the awesome song. It wasn't cool...but has been fixed in this version. I apologize to Wolfgun for all the copies that were released so far. --- We're back with a new Fuzzy Notes, the podcast about the music made by furs, and it was crowd sourced from /r/furry on Reddit. Every artist featured today was recommended on the subreddit after I put a call out for everyone's favourite furry musicians! http://reddit.com/r/furry THE MUSIC: Rchetype - Act of Love Track: http://rchetype.bandcamp.com/track/rchetype-act-of-love Bandcamp: http://rchetype.bandcamp.com Twitter: http://twitter.com/Rchetype Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Rchetype Fevrier - Divine Place Track: http://fevrier.bandcamp.com/track/divine-place Bandcamp: http://fevrier.bandcamp.com/ Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/fevrier Wolfgun - Potemkin Track: http://wolfgun.bandcamp.com/track/potemkin Bandcamp: http://wolfgun.bandcamp.com Twitter: http://twitter.com/wolfygun Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Wolfgunmusic Futret - Konichiwa Motherfucker Track: https://soundcloud.com/futracks/konichiwa-motherfucker Bandcamp: http://futret.bandcamp.com/ Soundcloud: http://soundcloud.com/futracks/ Twitter: http://twitter.com/FutShitUp Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Futret/243037829061911 Ken Ashcorp - Absolute Territory Track: http://kenashcorp.bandcamp.com/track/absolute-territory Bandcamp: http://kenashcorp.bandcamp.com/ Twitter: http://twitter.com/kenashcorp YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/kenashcorp a cellophane jackal - vnhxly Track: http://acellophanejackal.bandcamp.com/track/vnhxly Bandcamp: http://acellophanejackal.bandcamp.com Svix - Audacity Track: http://svix.bandcamp.com/track/audacity Bandcamp: http://svix.bandcamp.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/svixy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Svixy Steedius - Books Track: https://soundcloud.com/steedius/books-mp3 Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/steedius Twitter: https://twitter.com/Steedius Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steedius/107969449267766 ----- Closing music by Asid Rayne Bonus For Reading Shownotes: Roo's podcast for "Dale Speaking" about Three Mistakes Musicians Make" - http://dalespeaking.podomatic.com/entry/2013-04-17T06_00_00-07_00 This Week's ASK! - If you listen on iTunes I would REALLY appreciate if you rate and review Fuzzy Notes so that people who stumble on the show can get an idea of what to expect! <3 iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id581600769 FIND FUZZY NOTES ONLINE: Twitter: http://twitter.com/Potoroo Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FuzzyNotes Email: fuzzynotespodcast@gmail.com Episode 10 - Subreddit Furries Club [FIXED] - NOTE: In a previous version of this episode I made an error in the production, causing Wolfgun's ...

Author: dronon As the Franco-Belgian animated film Ernest & Celestine should soon be released on DVD, I thought this would be a good time to review A Town Called Panic (trailer), a movie produced by some of the same animators in 2009. Actually, let’s go further back to 2002, when Belgian animators Vincent Patar and [...]

Hello Hello and welcome to another addition of Foxy Fridays!

If you haven’t yet realized that this is probably a post not to look at while at work then I have no sympathy for you.

A recent article I read on Polyamory: A relationship not restricted to two individuals particularly in the aspect of physical affection… a.k.a sex. Now whether you are for polyamory, or against it, or don’t care/ have never heard of it before. It is a topic that is gaining more and more pull. I think what I like about this article is that it’s not saying that Polyamory is better than Monogamy. It simply states you should follow what is right for you and not feel ashamed about it. Thoughts?

Artists in descending order of use:

Veronique13

TaniDaReal

Tyelle

Abanob

Dear Papa Bear,

I've never written a letter to an advice column before, pretty much being forced to, but here it goes.

My boyfriend, C, and I have been together for four and a half years. It's a long distance, online relationship (sorry if that bothers you since you seem tired of letters involving one) and we're usually happy for the most part. The problem comes from fights we have too often, particularly a bad one just this week, which is prompting this letter.

Our fights tend to be the same general thing, he's done something or mentions friends of his that I do not like at all and I get pissed and it escalates into a fight. On his side, he sees nothing wrong with them, but I just have a huge aversion to them and he feels there's nothing he likes that I won't get pissed at, but I feel it's not that many.

They are started by things that other people would probably consider minor, but they always escalate. When we argue our points in these fights and my view is questioned, he says he's just trying to understand why I feel a certain way, but I always feel that he tries his hardest to poke holes in my way of thinking and destroy my viewpoint. The fights always end with us apologizing and saying we'd try to avoid this, but they keep happening.

The latest fight was actually caused by an after-effect from a fight that happened a few days before. It started by him mentioning he was going to hang out with someone I don't like I'll refer to as D. The reason I don't like him is because around a year ago, C wanted to try a master/pet thing with him (we have a semi-open relationship) with -- as a pet, though, they hadn't even known each other for very long, but they lived in the same area. I was unsure of the idea, but I saw nothing wrong with him trying it out. After some time, C was hanging out with a friend of ours, J, who wanted to see what C looked like with a leash, collar, and these little dog or fox ears he had. J took a picture and showed me, but then sent a picture to D, despite C asking him not to (lately, C has told me the pic was sent to D before he protested, but he never said this at the time and I feel it's just a cover) and later that day, D told C that he felt he wasn't "master material" or something along those lines and dumped him as a master. C got upset because of this event. I was rather pissed at both of them, so I called them out on what they did, but they acted outraged that I dared to accuse them of having done something wrong. 

The whole thing made me decide to never consider them friends, only as jerks, but C is still friends with them, something that baffles me. Another problem is someone from FurAffinity, called S, whose first interaction with us was insulting C’s character while I was defending him from someone else. C became friends with him after getting a very minor apology from him and I believe he shouldn't have given him the time of day, that we should have made him admit he was an asshole, then forget about him, but leaving him labeled as a jerk in our book.

So, when D was brought up, I let my displeasure be known, and C began defending him and J and I got angry over the fact that he tries to be friends with people who have offended him when the clear (from my point of view) choice would be to drop them. We argued over this, him being upset that I get so angry over him mentioning these people and me being upset that he still gives them the time of day. Though he claims he just wants me to stop getting angry at him for mentioning people I don't like, he always seems like he's trying to force me to forgive them by going on about how wrong I am about them or how great they really are, but he denies that. We eventually calmed down; decided to try another compromise where I would try to stop giving him grief when he mentions them.

Things calmed down for a while, but a new fight occurred involving another friend of ours who we were almost always on good terms with, E. While C and I were arguing, C had mentioned that E had said I was being childish, and that made me sore at him for a while. When things were calm, C had said E was worried because he had a dream that we didn't like him anymore and asked me if I still liked him. I said I was a little mad at him for calling me childish and C expressed concern over that, then feared we were going to start fighting again. I assured him we weren't, because I figured it was a minor thing that I would just get over and I seriously did not want to fight again. Then, C did what I consider an incredibly stupid thing, and told E that I was mad at him. E and I got into a fight with him calling me childish for my disagreements with C, complaining at how I hold grudges, and pretty much taking C's side and bashing mine for an argument that had already ended. He basically rekindled the sore feelings from that fight and then I got really pissed off because I had only been annoyed at E and I believed that my frustration would have faded after a while, but instead, C told him that I was mad, which forced a confrontation when C and I really wanted to avoid a fight. I was so angry, that I called both of them idiots in my fight with E and told him this new fight was their fault. That set him off, and he started saying how childish I was, how I was wrong to be getting mad at C, treating me like the bad guy when they were the ones who disturbed the water and brought it up, calling my frustration with him a grudge. Then, he got up on his high horse and asked if I was done and if we could talk like normal people, as if it wasn't their fault that I got angry. I then exclaimed that this fight was only because they agitated me by fighting my views when things were still sore from the last fight. He then just started defending C's point from that fight, effectively beating a dead horse. Then he said he apologized for calling me childish in the first place and decided to play peacemaker by saying he hated when C and I fought, despite the fact that things had already settled and the two of them decided to kick up dust into everything. I just wanted to stop talking to him and I knew that continuing to speak to him would make things worse, so I told him I wanted to cool down and we stopped speaking after that for most of the day.

At the same time, I was arguing with C. He said he TOLD me it was going to be a fight, as if it would have happened if he did not DELIBERATELY start it by telling E that I was mad. He called me a jerk and said I was proving E right. He then dared me to yell at him for agreeing with E, since he "knew I would." Then he had the audacity to say "you're talking to him now? Good *hugs* please don't be bitter after" when he was the one who had caused this fight. This made me say I wanted to tell them both to shut up and he told me to not talk to him for a long time.

So, they both stopped talking to me for hours and coincidentally, C then had a horrible day and E was under the impression that I was going to apologize and relayed this misconception to C. Later at night, E texted me to relay that I was close to losing C, that he had the worst day ever, and that he was pissed off. So, I texted C back and he vented on me, pissed that I had called him and E idiots, that we always get into an argument that goes nowhere and nothing changes, that it seems I'm apparently never wrong and that he's always seen as attacking me. We then talked over the phone to try and settle this and I gave some serious thought about my part in our fights.

Our fights tend to start because of something I don't like, but I escalate things to an extreme. When I think of myself, I like to think that I am aware of my flaws and that I acknowledge them as such, but I really don't. In our fights, I always see myself as absolutely in the right. My views in them always make so much sense, and I cannot understand C's. When C (or anyone, it seems) tries to argue his side in a bad fight, I take it as a personal attack and I start seeing them as an enemy and I struggle as hard as I can. Even when we reach a compromise, I never see it as a compromise. To me, I'm always the one who loses and has to make a change and I always feel that all C has to do is avoid these things, which I feel should be easy since I always think its something that, by its very nature, should be repellant to him. This perceived injustice always seems wrong to me, so I never make a long-term change. Also, thinking about how I disagree with C forgiving people who have offended him, I tell him that my habit of writing off people who have offended me is how I've dealt with things like bullying, or people being unnecessarily rude or cruel. I write them off as worthless jerks who don't deserve forgiveness, or even existence in some cases. More thought made me realize it's so easy to do that because none of the people I've labeled as worthless have been my friend. I have no emotional investment in them at all, so I can dehumanize them. My parents, my sister, C, E, and some friends have all upset me in the past, but I never wrote them off. If people I didn't know had bothered me in the same way they have, I would have written them off right away.

Of course, after realizing this, I immediately began to rationalize that C didn't know D long enough for him to be that important, or that S was a stranger who didn't deserve any chance to begin with.

Which brings me to another problem I have. Even after analyzing myself and realizing these problems, I am still seeing myself as in the right. I admit that I escalated the fights, but I blame C and others for starting them. I victimize myself to avoid bettering myself. I have a moment where I realize something bad about myself, then ignore it. I still feel that this latest fight was E and C's fault. E for having called me childish and C for telling him I was mad about it.

We both care about each other and don't want to end things, because we make each other really happy when not fighting (I know that sounds stupid), so now, C decided that he will see to it that something changes this time. Again, I feel cheated because it feels like I've lost and will have to change, and this time it's being enforced. He said one step I have to take is writing this letter to you, something I did not like the idea of. That probably has to do with how I always believe I'm right in a fight. I see myself as just fine with no need to change, and I think of getting help to change as somehow destroying who I am.

I don't even know what I should ask for. I wrote the letter like C asked, and knowing me, if you said something I disagreed with, I'd probably get angry again, even though you wouldn't be intending harm. I suppose I would like to ask for your opinion, please.

Angry and Apparently Always Wrong.

* * *

Dear Angry,

There’s a saying that goes like this: would you rather be happy or would you rather be right? When we insist on being right all the time no matter what, then confrontation is inevitable even when it is about very minor things, as you mentioned.

Papabear senses that both you and C may have some issues, too, stemming from childhood. With C, he may have been emotionally neglected, which makes him crave attention and friendship, even from people who don’t treat him very well. With you, you may have suffered some abuse, too, emotional or otherwise, that makes you defensive and irritable. These are just guesses, but it would explain both of your ways of behaving.

It’s good that you recognize you have a problem, but as long as you “feel cheated” because you have “lost” you will never stop fighting with your mate, which would be a shame because the two of you seem happy otherwise. The problem here is that you are quick to take offense and quick to anger. There are things you can do to avoid that, and here is a very good Web page from Sri Chinmoy to help you: http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/10-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-anger/.

In addition to the above, you need to explore why you are such an angry person in the first place. As I said, this may have a lot to do with your upbringing, but you don’t talk about that in your letter so it is something you’ll need to think about and see if maybe that is a root cause.

So, that is some advice for you. But, in any relationship, it takes two to tango. Your mate is part of the problem, as well. As your mate, C should be concerned that he is upsetting you with his insistence on seeing people whom you don’t like. In all of this, while insisting on you changing your behavior, he hasn’t made any effort to change his.

Now, I am hoping that not all of C’s friends are people you don’t like because then that wouldn’t be very fair to him. You would be denying him all relationships outside of yours. I assume, then, that the two of you share some friends that the both of you like, even though you are in a long-distance relationship. 

The key word here is “compromise.” You need to give a little, and so does he. You need to agree to try and control your anger and resentment, perhaps with the exercises I linked you to above, and he needs to show more consideration for your feelings, as well.

Also, think about this: you could take a lesson from C about forgiveness, letting go. It might be that C is a little too forgiving, but I’m not sure that’s the case as nothing you have said in your letter is so offensive as to go beyond forgivable.

In summary, here’s what you should do:

1. Explore whether there is a root cause to your being so easily angered and come to understand why you might feel so angry.

2. Practice the exercises discussed by Sri Chinmoy.

3. Ask your partner to also explore why he might be allowing himself to be stepped on a bit by others.

4. Work on a compromise in which you agree to control your anger and C agrees to be more considerate of your feelings and that, at least sometimes, you might be right about some of his friends.

5. Hang out more with friends you BOTH like (I guess, virtually).

6. Learn the art of forgiveness and letting go of old arguments. They only hurt you and your partner. Once an old problem has been resolved, move on. It is never fair in an argument to bring up old grudges that you have both agreed to forgive. That’s not fighting fairly.

Four and a half years is a long time to be in a long-distance relationship. Congrats for making it this long. I still say that any real relationship involves two people being in the same physical space together, and it could really help the two of you to resolve disagreements if you were. You see, a lot of misunderstandings can happen when dialogue is conducted via texting or emails or even an online game that includes audio or via Skype. The reason is that a lot of communication between partners is physical, not verbal. Body language and physical touch go a long way toward understanding, empathy, and sympathy. I hope you can take your partnership with C to that next level someday.

Good luck! 

Papabear

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