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If you don't like to read, this isn't the post for you. I don't want someone to halfway read this and give a halfhearted reply. If anything, I want someone to understand..truthfully understand.

I will miss this community more than any others. You all have helped me an innumerable amount of times. No matter what the problem was, you all were there for me. You may all be strangers but sometimes it feels like we are all family. I feel that this is important to start off with.

I don't think I'm happy. I'm not really sure what happiness is. I've been thinking that maybe I'm not really happy. I still feel the same as I have for years. How exactly do I feel? I can't always tell. Most of the time I just feel nothing. It's not a bad thing I suppose.

Happiness: the moments in life when I get a taste of how others must feel most of the time. It's brief..usually when I'm with friends or having a good day I can recognize it. Most of the time my life is just..there. I go to work like everyone else, come home and eat. I stay up for a few hours and wait. What have I been waiting for all this time? Is it a person..a thing? Is it a stroke of inspiration? I've been searching for years. I just can't grab it. It's not something I can really stop doing either. I do it every single night. You probably think I'm crazy or something.

I wonder if anyone actually will look at this, jaws agape with disbelief. Feeling a sense of bewilderment..excitement that someone else is just like them. I've often thought about that as I lay awake just thinking. I never think about anything in particular.

My name isn't important. I'm not important. I'm struggling to grasp the meaning of life. There is no point in all of this. I won't keep doing everything like everyone else. Everyone walks around with a smile on their face like everything is okay. Like they don't see that what we are doing is futile. We all are going to die. I won't die working a 9-5 job. I'm not going to waste years getting a piece of paper that signifies im proficient enough to do a job. I don't think anyone has been as lost as I am in this world. I'm walking through crowds of the same person. The same drive to live and provide for the cycle that has been going on for a vast number of years.

When I was younger I thought that the purpose of life was the journey, and that part of the journey was spending most of your life working to survive. To form memories, friendships, relationships that we all share as a collective whole. We don't know what happens when we die. Spare me the pearly gates, the eternal happiness. Imagine, you the reader of this; religion does not exist. There is no promise of an ending. There is only the unknown and uncertainty of a fate that we all share. We all will eventually end our journey, and truthfully you must understand that.

When I was just a few years younger, I came to realize this. I am not special. I will die, and with me every memory, every achievement down to the last iota of my existance will dissappear. Let's face it, most of us don't end up in the history books. We might end up in a book thats on the shelf gathering dust. Family History..that book..that's where I will be. All I ever was might end up being a small paragraph on a piece of paper, if I'm lucky.

I don't understand what love is.. is it a feeling I should have? No, really.. I'm serious. I can't remember what it's like to recognise that I care for someone. It's been at least 5 years since I could say that in confidence. Life was easier back then, when I could confidently tell someone devoted to me that I loved them and not feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not convinced that there is someone out there who feels the same as me when that exact attempt to feel normal leaves their lips. You don't really know what you're promising. You're saying it to be normal. It hits you as soon as you say it that you're as devoted to the idea of love as they are truthfully devoted to loving you.

I have no skills, no drive for anything but to keep moving. The only thing I am good at is games. I have no other hobbies- no other aims in life anymore. Everything I ever wanted became meaningless it seems. I don't need to be like everyone else to be interesting. I don't need any hobbies. My one true fascination is nature. It feels like the only time that I'm happy is when I'm outside. That is when life seems to be more than okay. The only time I feel like I really understand why we are all here. When I can breathe easy. When my head actually feels clear. When I'm not feeling anxiety. When I'm truthfully alive. That's what I'm here for.

So, I rear my head one final time. This is it-this is my last attempt at understanding what keeps everyone else moving. My last attempt to reclaim the emotion that I've lost. I'm giving myself one more year to find what I've been waiting for. I can't exactly go searching if I'm unaware of what my target is. I'm extending my hand to everyone. An invitation to you on the street. An invitation to the people I interact with..to the people that don't interact with me. To show me what-or whom I'm missing. I can't keep doing this for any longer. This is not how life is meant to be. I'm not meant to feel this way. Like a cooped up animal with no purpose. We live our lives the same..we see friends, we see family. We get drunk; we get high, we trip, we stumble and get back up again. We go to work, we have a family, and then they do the exact same thing.

I can't even get my sexuality pinned down. I yearn for a connection with someone, and it feels like that's all I want. To connect, to actually share that feeling with someone. To hold someone's hand and not have to have a single thought going on in my head. I don't care about sex, I just desire someone by my side.

You know when you and a friend think of each other, or the same subject at the same time? I was thinking that maybe conciousness is like a river and everyones thoughts are connected. Perhaps when those coincidences happen its because the subconscious takes the same turn as someone elses. Like we are all in a boat in our heads, paddling around. Perhaps we just take the same river or stream occasionally . Maybe the reason why people are afraid to be different is because we all are going down that same river. We don't want to break rank..being different is hard. I mean, actually and truly being different than most people. Think about how traffic jams start if one person gets in an accident a mile ahead of your lane? I'm thinking that as a species it takes many people to change.

I've been thinking about how I'm going to tell everyone that I'm leaving. How I'm going to say my goodbyes. I'm not sure how one is really supposed to do this. There really isn't a guide or a manual for these types of things. I don't want anyone to be upset or saddened. I don't want anyone to feel responsible. I don't want anyone to feel cheated. I want there to be no regrets when I leave. I want people to understand that my choices are not easily made. It's taken me a while to come to this conclusion. This isn't something I came up with in a day, in a week, even a month or a year.

I've made my decision to leave. I'm saving up money for a year and going. I don't know where, I have no destination. I just know that this isn't the kind of life for me. I want to see everything. To have an incredible journey and meet many people. I will have met people from around the world. No matter where I go, at some moment in any figure of time I will be remembered. I will have finally commited to something and stuck with it. This is truly the only fate that I can choose happily. There are no rules. There is only possibility without limitation.

I think I've finally reached a point in my life to where I'm at peace knowing that I will follow through with this. There is a certain sense of excitement that comes to me knowing that this journey is coming to a close. I will cherish every moment with my friends and family. I don't ever plan to return. I will write so they know I'm okay occasionally. I will make memories that I Will hold close to me until I finally do die. When I do pass, I will be in the thoughts of many. Someday, perhaps my life and values will be told to someone else young and I will live on in the memories of others.

I never write like this. Most people are too busy with their own lives to consider someone elses true thoughts and feelings. I can't discuss these things with other people. I can't describe all of this in a conversation. It's hard to let any of this out in the first place. Why does everything in my life have to be suspect? I'm done rambling, I think I've taken enough time to write this.

I'm seeking a friend for the end of this life, and the beginning of another.

If you're willing to join me, we have to get along. I'll be waiting for you, wherever you are.

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Hey again guys and gals! Thanks for tuning into another Art Prompt thread!

This week, to celebrate the announcement of Pokémon Go, we're doing Pokésonas! Draw your fursona as a Pokémon! If you already already have a Pokésona, draw your sona as another Pokémon! Mix and match, hybridize. Do whatever! Just have fun!

Thanks to /u/espurra and others for the suggestion. Go mad!

Week 12

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This year, it seems like more great press attention went to Anthrocon than ever before.  Take a look!  (Here’s everything I could find in July.) Why was there rising attention?  One of the big reasons was the fursuit parade.  For the first time in an almost two-decade history, the con took an amazing spectacle seen in private out to […]