Religion: Satan is a Furry
We’ve all heard the charge that Furry fans are fetishists who dress up in fursuits just to have sex with each other.
Have you heard that Satan is a Furry; a cat-man from the Large Magellanic Cloud who is responsible for all the evils on Earth?
That might be funny if over ten million people did not believe it.
According to him, humans were created by God on the planet Venus, and migrated to Earth in spaceships, 400 million years ago. Then, on page 20, he says,
It was at this time that such gigantic life forms as the dinosaurs were beginning to prowl the land surface of the Earth, and there was some apprehension that colonists unused to the terrestrial environment might go in peril of their lives. For this reason, the race chosen [by God] to comprise the first immigrants was a warlike people from the Magellanic Cloud who were both extrovertly audacious and aggressively independent. Their technological expertise was relatively advanced, however – enough, indeed, for them to be able to make the journey to Earth in their own spacecraft. In outward appearance they were very close to the people of today, except that they had pointed ears and a tail much like a cat’s. These features were gradually to disappear through the process of evolution, although some of them on returning to the spirit world reverted to their original form as a result of residual racial memory.
Anime fans will recognize the traditional Japanese description of Furriness: ears and tails only. So now you know why the dinosaurs really disappeared: they were hunted to extinction by big-game hunters from the Magellanic Cloud. As to why one of these cat-men, Satan, a.k.a. Lucifer, became the Devil, it is too long to quote, but it is on page 21.
Happy Science might very roughly be described as a Japanese Buddhist equivalent of Scientology. It mostly espouses peace and brotherhood, except for the need to conquer North Korea and Red China before they can nuke Japan. The ghost/spirit of Margaret Thatcher has told them so. Okawa is the Messiah of the Happy Science religion. He claims to be the reincarnation of a long list of famous people including Thoth, Enlil, Jacob who founded the Twelve Tribes of the Jews, Hermes, Moses, Confucius, Plato, Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Isaac Newton, and Thomas Edison.
Happy Science claims more than ten million parishioners around the world, mostly in Japan but including religionists in Hawaii, Southern California (I have met some), New York, Paris, and other metropolises. I can believe it, because every few years Happy Science commissions Toei Animation to make a theatrical cartoon feature dramatizing one of its teachings, and it has enough followers to make it #1 at the Japanese box office for two or three weeks. Happy Science tried to get Streamline Pictures, where I worked during the 1990s, to license some of them for video release in the U.S., but we were not interested – they were all too preachy.
Anyhow, if anyone asks you if anybody famous is a Furry, you can tell them that Satan has that honor. Also maybe Chewbacca and Jake Sully, since Happy Science recognizes the Wookies of Star Wars and the Na’vi of Avatar as real aliens.
Here are the complete 104-minute movie version of The Laws of the Sun. Satan is at 17 to 19 minutes. Also Hermes: Winds of Love, The Laws of Eternity, and The Golden Laws, any of which I recommend as more coherent and interesting than The Laws of the Sun (not counting the boring first couple of minutes of Hermes).