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Ember explains /b/tards

Edited by GreenReaper as of Wed 10 Nov 2010 - 07:10
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Wow, look at this, I'm in print! This is different to my usual stomping grounds of YouTube; the traditional methods for the venting of my spleen over things that make me angry enough to blow snot out of my eyeballs has been changed to some sort of text-based medium. How shall I manage I wonder? Well let's leave that up to you, the humble reader of this, The Furtean Times. Of course, to the delight of some of my regular audience, I have to tone down my language for this particular session, as there could be people afraid of words they most likely hear a thousand times over at their local furmeets... or something.

Anywho, what's wrong now? Have I run out of things to get annoyed about? No, of course not, don't be silly. So long as the fandom exists there will always be things about it (either directly or not) that forcibly eject the cheap lager I happen to be drinking all over my copy of The Daily Mail. So now we find ourselves with the big question: What has pissed Ember off so much now? Well despite my own personal views on the matter, I am going to do what a lot of people have been crying out for me to do, and I am going to have a little talk about furry haters.

Oh yes, we all know them don't we? The /b/tards, the EDiots, the 4channers, they're relentless aren't they? What is it they say to us? Oh yes, I remember now "Yiff In Hell, Furfags" and other such intellectually stimulating verbal and textual responses to us. Gosh, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were not too fond of us fuzzy folk. Quite why, is something that I will be able to share with you today. Wait... what? Ember is going to tell us something useful for once? Yes my little chickadees, the time has come to give you an explanation as to why it is that they yell such abuse at us. But how do I know why they do this? Because, ladies and gentlefurs, I am in fact, an ex /b/tard. There would have once been a time where I too would have told you all to yiff in hell. Gasp! Shock! Drama! We cannot trust this Ember any more! He was one of the enemy once! Well, for those who have met me, they can vouch that I am very much a dedicated furry, it was the continuous hate that drove me away from being a /b/tard, I had had enough, and decided to join in the furry fun. Now, I'm soon to be owning a fursuit, going to a furry con, and loving every minute I spend in this wonderful fandom.

So what is the secret to beating the /b/tards then? It's quite simple really; first of all most /b/tards are actually furries. Yup, simple as that, they are often disgruntled furs who have become disillusioned with the fandom (I blame the baby furs for this) and have decided to rip on the rest of us "for the lulz", and lets be honest, when you see some of the more repugnant areas of the fandom, can you really blame them for wanting to burn us a little? If you see a picture of a baby fur with a dirty nappy and a massive erection, you're not just going to blink and move on. You're going to look at it and empty the contents of your stomach all over the floor. The real problem, is that most /b/tards don't know where to stop, so they destroy all aspects of furry. So what do they want? Why do they do this? They do it because furries are notorious for over-reacting to protect the fandom. There have been so many incidents of furs crying foul "OH GOD YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, I WILL CUT MYSELF FOR MY LOVE OF CARTOON ANIMALS! MISTREATING FURRIES IS LIKE ANTI-SEMITISM!" and... when you have people acting like that, it's hilarious for onlookers. So the /b/tards slander the fandom as much as possible in order to provoke the most ridiculous reactions they can from over-protective furs. You think you're winning the "war" by responding with a witty and clever comeback, but you're only doing what they want! If you want to win the "war", then do NOTHING! There is nothing more frustrating for a troll, than to be ignored. So just ignore them, it's not that hard, surely?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to defend something you believe in, just don't do it the way you have been doing. Going on with a 3 hour rant about how furry haters are "stupid" and "retarded" when two simple words can give you an unbeatable counter-hater reaction, makes you seem a bit silly. You want to know what those words are? The ultimate weapon for disarming the /b/tard? Ok, come a little closer, and I'll whisper it to you.

"NO U"

See! Isn't that easier! Ask yourself this question, how do you come back from that? What could you possibly say in reaction to that, which would make your point valid? Exactly, nothing. If you say "NO U" to someone yelling "Yiff in Hell Furfags", then you've won, because you can't come back from that.

So come on boys and girls, what have we learnt today? Fur haters are annoying, yes, but rising to them only makes it worse. Use the two magic words I have provided you with, and everything will be OK. Ignore them, and move on, safe in the knowledge that you know you're better than they, and that you actually have friends.

This is Ember, wishing you all a happy furry day, and to ignore the /b/tards.


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