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Since their first event in May, Chinese convention Once Upon A Fur Con, or OUFC, has announced their second consecutive event within this year. The second event was originally planned for mid-June. However, after receiving feedback from student attendees that the schedule would conflict with their end-term exams, the event was deferred to mid-August, to […]

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 15 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

Spreading the word: The artist known as Barasaurus (David Alcántara Rubio) has a new Kickstarter campaign running for his book 151, a collection of Painted Pokemon Portraits (whew!). “151 is an unofficial Pokémon artbook re-visiting the 1st Gen, with redesigns inspired by folklore, video games, the Internet, and pop culture.” The Kickstarter for this hardcover collection is on ’till the end of June.

image c. 2021 by Barasaurus

Welcome back once more for another monthly newsletter! This is going out a little late due to the change in presidency, which also means that things might be a little light on new information for this month.

June is, of course, Pride Month. There have typically been interviews done with writers who are lgbtq+, and I do not intend for this month to be any different. Obviously, things are a little delayed due to the hand-over, but I intend on reaching out to writers over the next few days in order to get some Pride Month spotlights released. If you believe you would make a good person to spotlight, please reach out to us.

You can find all kinds of submission calls for Furry writing in our Furry Writers’ Market! Currently, these markets are open.

• CRINKLE: A Littles Anthology – Deadline: June 15th, 2021
• The Rebel Diaries: An Anthology -Deadline: June 30th, 2021
• Wolves Gay – Deadline: July 30th 2021
• Furward Slash: A Furry Adult Techno-Horror Anthology – Deadline: November 30th, 2021
• Pirating Pups – Deadline: November 30th, 2021
• The Nightmurr Before Christmas – Deadline: October 1st, 2021
• #ohmurr! – Deadline: Ongoing
• Zooscape – Reoccurring submission period.
• Isekai Me – Deadline: When full.

Note that Zooscape will, as of the December 2021 issue, be a fully professional rate, as dictated by the SFWA. This means 8c/word on all accepted submissions, up to 5000 words.

As with the previous update, we are currently still finding our feet with this new role. Over time, we plan to have plenty more information included in these updates. New book releases will also be included with the anthology openings.

Until then, stay safe in these difficult times. Get vaccinated if possible and keep writing!

J.F.R. Coates

Who still connects to some furry IRC networks? Which networks are those? I'm more or less regularly on Furnet IRC.

Another popular web comic gets put together on dead trees for you! This time it’s Living With Mochi. “When architect-turned-cartoonist Gemma Gené first met her pet pug, Mochi, she felt as if time stopped. This dramatic moment and her adoring relationship with the rambunctious pug led her to begin chronicling her adventures with Mochi in a series of incredibly cute web comics that have gained a social media following of half a million loyal readers. The comics chronicle Mochi’s life from puppyhood to adulthood, featuring Mochi’s unrequited dog friendships, his jealousy of his two dog-brothers, and his love of food. Readers and dog parents will love this humorous tale of a sincerely loyal friendship between one grumpy pug and his adoring owner.” Full color, it’s available now in paperback from Andrews McMeel.

image c. 2021 Andrews McMeel

Hello everyone!

Just a quick post for those of you who have been unaware of the recent developments with the guild, we now have a new president and vice-president.

Firstly, I would like to thank Linnea for all the hard work put in during the last year. The Furry Writers’ Guild has really improved as an organisation in this time. We hope to maintain this momentum.

For those who do not know me, I am J.F.R. Coates. I will be assisted by Kate Shaw as my VP. We are both looking forward to seeing how we can help further the guild, as well as maintaining the work put in during the last year. We do not want to see the guild taking any steps back, even if the steps forward we make may be small.

Over the next few days and weeks, we plan to set a firmer vision of what we want to achieve over this term. If there are any thoughts and suggestions for where you – the members – wish to see the guild go, then we are very happy to hear you! Please do contact us, either through the guild email or twitter accounts, or feel free to contact me directly via telegram at @JayFR.

I am aware the June Monthly Update has not gone out. I’ll get my head around everything involved with the transition, and aim to have something out during the week.

Thank you for reading. I am looking forward to this task of leading the Furry Writers’ Guild.

Here’s to a successful year ahead!

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

Special guest The Tater joins us this week and talks with us about their life in the fandom, their artwork, and other things. Bearly shares a short clip of his 13 yr old self. The English language is strange and unique. Taebyn shares a story about being a bunny, and we share some really bad jokes. So join us for a rip roaring good time!
The Tater mentioned several things in the interview, here are the links:

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9792-dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder#:~:text=Dissociative%20identity%20disorder%20(DID)%20was,The%20condition%20is%20further%20explained

https://linktr.ee/TheTater

https://t.me/taterinkblot

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S2E6 - The Tater, Young Bearly, Words, Storytime, Really Bad Jokes

The new all-time fursuit auction record is worth a nice car or some people’s yearly income. (Highest commission is a different number.) It’s been 3 years since the last record by MixedCandy: A look at furry business with a $17,017 record fursuit auction price, July 2018.

Shifting winds of tech and business helped make this possible; it has to do with porn, politics, and payment providers. We’ll get into that… but I’m sure that wasn’t on the mind of Zuri Studios and Sabi, the owner/maker based in the Czech Republic with a fluffalicious folio of “god tier fursuits“. (This auction is a contract to create one, not an existing fursuit.)

Sabi just found out there’s no business like sew business.

Record fursuit auction for @Zuri_Studios closes at $50,000 on @TheDealersDen! War between 2 bidders in the last 17 minutes rocketed up the price from $24k, which already beat @mixedcandy's $17k record from 2018. Huge win for an artist and the potential of the art. Congrats zuri! https://t.co/SaJNlma9ZV pic.twitter.com/1fweGwQNO3

— Dogpatch Press (@DogpatchPress) May 29, 2021

$100K fursuit when?

Tripling the record since 2018 gets steaming hot takes on social media. How can any suit be worth so much? 

Like any painting or original object, it’s because something’s rare and someone’s willing to pay. (Try offering less for this one!) The price isn’t just the worth of one costume; it’s for years of school and practice, growing clients and a business, and developing networks for knowledge, trade and materials. Fursuits aren’t art to hang on the wall, they’re eye candy you hug at cons. When live events thrive, it makes a market. But you don’t have to fight for this fursuit when there’s makers for many budgets, who share free DIY maker knowledge. There’s more room for makers to be pro-fans when one can get such a big reward.

But how does that kind of purchasing power come from furries?

Cryptocurrency investing rides a wave of regulation

The answer starts here: Pornhub and Xtube purge millions of videos, telling furverts to “beat it”. It goes with furries making six figures with erotic art or working on Onlyfans, but getting squashed by the SESTA/FOSTA law that shifts liability onto websites. It’s the same friction all sex work faces, like bank account freezes, denial of licenses and high cost to exist. Let’s call the friction vs. demand for service the fap-gap.

Porn is huge, and the fap-gap brings capital flowing in if it can make things smoother for a profit. Meanwhile, cryptocurrency is developing payment with less friction. Together they bring Venture Capitalists investing in a new coin.

$CUMINU (based on the Etherium blockchain):

• In May 2021, this concept-coin appeared with a newly registered website and social media channels.
• It ties to the porn industry to create a pay system that serves adult business users in the fap-gap.
• It has experienced rich investors and is aiming for long term utility, not just a get-rich-quick meme by nobodies.
• It will have a platform to use it: “A mix of Pornhub, Only Fans and Cameo that offers a new adult social experience.”
• It’s being launched with big porn stars and mainstream influencers way bigger than furry fandom.

DISCLAIMER IN CASE OF HOT TAKES: THIS STORY IS NOT AN AD. Crypto has a huge problem with burning energy. I don’t use it. I don’t recommend speculating. I also don’t think sex work, regulation, or crypto is going away. This is simply reporting what happens and why. (See “A Furry’s Guide to Cryptocurrency” and beware of scams and bullshit.) When you’re armed with info, go ahead and write editorials.

Talking to auction winner Myst Dingo

Whatever your take on cryptocurrency, this sounds real and it’s funding the $50,000 fursuit buyer, Myst Dingo. Rumors ran wild because Myst was seen advertising $CUMINU; people guessed he might have even founded the coin and bought the fursuit as a stunt to push it. Those rumors aren’t true. Myst is just an individual investor who anticipates doing well and the suit is minor in comparison. Like someone buying a fancy car but an artist gets paid.

Myst Dingo responds:

Hehe, the coin is what give me the cash. It’s run by someone whose already rich. I’m open about it because it’s who I am. I’ve never been a fan of folks who throw cash around pretending to be loaded but it’s family or whatever. In the end, I got lucky. And Zuri deserves it. I’m supporting the token because the NSFW space gets really bad rates and taken for a ride from payment providers. It’s time to go to a platform where they have no control and pass those savings to the girls (and guys) who put themselves on display every day. We’ve even had issues with this kinda thing in the fandom if I recall.

As for a pump dump or whatever. Naw, they intend to and are making something game changing. It’s not my coin, it’s just one I got lucky on.

The ultimate plan, should things pan out is to build a charity/philanthropy YouTube channel. Similar to MrBeast. Figured I was in a position to give a single artist 50k, so that’s a heck of a start. Then it also makes sense to have that level of quality should this coin turn into what it can be. Then I can start giving out tens to hundreds of thousands for videos. I’m not taking credit until the suit is fully paid off. Full transparency, it’s 5k a week for 10 weeks. I’ll pay it off immediately should that token spike to a certain level.

Also, there’s no other maker I’d do this for.

Congratulations to one of the kindest souls I've ever had the pleasure of interacting with@Zuri_Studios has always focused on creating the absolute best she can, and has always carried herself with such an immense level of humility

She deserves every bit of what was paid today

— Myst Chaotic Dingo Energy (@mystDingo) May 29, 2021

A mix of market and fandom

This was a big event for The Dealers Den, the furry auction site. They also want to offer alternative payment options along with card or Paypal: The Dealers Den plans to rebuild with unprecedented features and Blockchain technology. However they don’t take a closing fee – which would be thousands an auction site like Ebay – which makes not-for-profit service.

Keep in mind fursuit making isn’t a get-rich business, one fursuit isn’t a goldmine, and it’s not a payday for a big corporation. Fur isn’t more rare, and freely shared knowledge of makers didn’t get more exclusive. The market isn’t cornered. The sale was paid in USD (not crypto) by an investor who’s already here. More than anything else, the source of money is a topic. With payment in USD, what’s an artist supposed to do about that?

Is this bad for the fandom? Readers can hash out the merits of artists getting paid by unorthodox means. Will the fandom be pissed about problems with it? Of course. Can they help solve the problems so artists can succeed without being in the doghouse?

(6/7/21: A few closing lines and link added.)

Like the article? These take hard work. For more free furry news, follow on Twitter or support not-for-profit Dogpatch Press on Patreon. Want to get involved? Try these subreddits: r/furrydiscuss for news or r/waginheaven for the best of the community. Or send guest writing here. (Content Policy.)

Don’t look now, but Stan Sakai’s world has gone pear-shaped — almost literally! It’s time for Chibi-Usagi: Attack of the Heebie Chibis, a new full-color graphic novel premiering this month from IDW. “Stan Sakai’s beloved rabbit samurai has won countless fans over his 35 year history, thanks to a clever blend of thrilling action, heartwarming characters, and realistic portrayal of Japanese culture. Chibi-Usagi brings these fun and thoughtful stories to middle-grade readers as a original graphic novel packed with adorable art and captivating energy. While fishing for freshwater eels, Chibi-Usagi, Tomoe, and Gen rescue a Dogu, a clay creature from Japan’s prehistory. The Dogu’s village has been enslaved by the Salamander King and his Heebie-Chibi minions and are forced to work in their mines. Chibi-Usagi and his friends must rescue the Dogu people and eliminate the threat of the Salamander King forever in this feature-length story of adventure, humor, and slippery eels.” It’s written by creator Stan Sakai, of course, with art and more writing by Julie Fujii Sakai. In trade paperback.

image c. 2021 IDW Publishing

On this episode we have Ash Coyote and Ash Eagle, about their documentary called The Fandom. Find Ash Coyote on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ashcoyote And Ash Eagle: https://twitter.com/furryfilmmaker Find the Fandom documentary on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv0QaTW3kEY Find us on Twitter: @South-Afrifur, https://twitter.com/southafrifur, on Tumblr, http://south-afrifur.tumblr.com/, and on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/southafrifur Also, for more local news, check out the Zafur forums! http://forum.zafur.co.za/

Nuka and Roo chat with Nazanin Nourmohammadi about professional development, resumés, and more!





NOW LISTEN!
SHOW NOTES
SPECIAL THANKS

Nazanin Nourmohammadi

PATREON LOVE
The following people have decided this month’s Fur What It’s Worth is worth actual cash! THANK YOU!

Premium Tier Supporters

Jarle, the Spirit Wolf

Get Stickered Tier Supporters

Nuka goes here

Kit, Jake Fox, Nuka (Picture Pending), Ichi Okami, Taz

Fancy Supporter Tier



Rifka, the San Francisco Treat and Baldrik and Adilor and Luno

Deluxe Supporters Tier

 

Guardian Lion and Katchshi and Koru Colt (Yes, him), Wolf in a Barrel (picture pending), Ashton Sergal

Plus Tier Supporters

Skylos
Snares
Simone Parker
Ausi Kat
Chaphogriff
Lygris
Tomori Boba
Bubblewhip
GW
Moss

McRib Tier Supporters

August Otter

 
MUSIC

Opening Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Century Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Closing Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Chill Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!) S9 Episode 9: Roo’s Resume Ruckus - Nuka and Roo chat with Nazanin Nourmohammadi about professional development, resumés, and more! - NOW LISTEN! SHOW NOTES SPECIAL THANKS Nazanin Nourmohammadi - PATREON LOVE The following people have decided this month’

Animation Magazine let us know about a new animated TV series called Housebroken, which just premiered on Fox. Housebroken is “…a new animated series which centers on Honey (Lisa Kudrow), a standard poodle who runs group therapy sessions to help animals from her neighborhood manage neuroses brought on by their owners and each other. The show’s super hip voice cast includes Nat Faxon as a sloppy St. Bernard, Will Forte as a sex-positive tortoise, Sharon Horgan as an aging Persian cat, Jason Mantzoukas as a street-smart cat, Sam Richardson as a co-dependent cat, Tony Hale as a sweater-wearing terrier with OCD, and Clea DuVall as a know-it-all corgi.” There’s more information still gathering on Wikipedia, too. Woof.

image c. 2021 Fox

It is the 24th century, and humanity has colonized the stars. Aliens and robots are as commonplace as interstellar travel, while mercenaries and pirates casually jump between spaceports looking for work to do. Living together on their spacecraft The Serendipity, Clarity is a free-living, nostalgic human who agrees with Irohann—a pragmatic yet caring and seemingly anthropomorphic fox-like alien called a Heffen—that they’re running out of money and therefore need to expand their services to clientele. One of whom is an AI calling herself Wisper, who had recently transferred her consciousness into an empty robot and desperately needs the mercenary duo, plus four others, to escort them to a nearby research base in order to rendezvous with a ship that will help them reach a stranded expedition crew near a deadly pulsar. These four other passengers include an insectile physicist named Am-lei, her elephant-like wife Jeko, a lapine alien pilot named Roscoe, plus a sentient swarm of bugs and flies that calls itself Mazillion. Seemed like a simple drop-off mission, right?

Unfortunately for the protagonists, things are not as they seem. After losing The Serendipity partly through their journey and finding out that Wisper has kept things from them, Clarity and Irohann reluctantly join the AI’s rescue operation. However, it isn’t a rescue mission to save a crew, but to save the colonized reaches of the observable universe from an experiment gone wrong. Will they be able to make it to their destination in time, let alone survive?

This is the overall plot of ENTANGLEMENT BOUND, the first book in Mary E. Lowd’s epic space opera series set within her Entanglement Universe. And boy, is it epic! Within the decent span of over three hundred densely packed pages, the author balances plot, characters, comedy, and heart into what will hopefully become a more popular example of space operas done well.

Despite Clarity herself being an outgoing and a very likable protagonist, whose decisions and care-free lifestyle are easily identifiable even to those rooted on Earth, my favorite character in ENTANGLEMENT BOUND has to be Irohann. Although his backstory could have been explored further or perhaps spread out across the novel instead of info-dumped early on, it is still an incredible backstory, nonetheless. It shows all the different layers of what is perceived to be a simple yet wise and pragmatic deuteragonist. The events of his previous life, while distant as far as he knows, still clearly affect his present to the point where there are positive and negative ways his past shapes his relationship with Clarity.

Otherwise, Wisper is a great artificial intelligence of a character. Her dry and almost sarcastic humor is almost reminiscent of Dorothy from the anime “Big O”, and Roscoe seems like an old rabbit-like explorer who is in over his head while Am-lei and Jeko are a subtle power couple. Mary E. Lowd somehow even made Mazillion an interesting hivemind of indiscernible origin, and Cassie—a space whale horrifically amalgamated into a biological spacecraft—with a personality too endearing for a harsh universe. What makes these characters so engaging is that the reader can wholly believe they are the protagonists of their own grand narratives, like each of them have enough history in them to be given a book. In fact, the backstory of Irohann is well-deserving of its own novella as a prequel.

Smaller details from the characters having "pocket computers" to "solar biologists" who believe that stars are actually sentient to public space stations having a "grav-bubble playground" where children can play in zero-gravity help make the setting of ENTANGLEMENT BOUND stand out from the standard space sci-fi stories out there. However, there are still clear homages to classic stories such as Star Wars, Firefly, Cowboy Bebop, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, as well as animated shows like Final Space. In fact, given the similarities and visual themes of the animated show, this reviewer would be shocked if Mary E. Lowd had written ENTANGLEMENT BOUND without having watched one episode of Final Space.

Aside from a few noticeable grammar hiccups early in the first quarter of the novel, Mary E. Lowd’s writing shines through the rest of the pages to the very end. What began for Clarity and her friend Irohann as a simple escort mission gradually turned into an adventure across the galaxy and beyond, testing their long friendship and the relationships they forged with the crew to the very ends of space. ENTANGLEMENT BOUND is the kind of novel that appeals not just to readers who like furry fiction, but also to readers who enjoy the idea of a space epic that will leave them sitting on the edges of their seats.

Entanglement Bound, by Mary E. Lowd

How do I make friends in the fandom?

Hey there Papa Bear! My name is Papaya, I don't consider myself a furry, but an anthro enthusiast (that's a story for a different day). I'm more of a right leaning person and I've found it difficult lately to find similar people like me. I don't mind if my friends are furries or if they're anthro enthusiast like me, however I'm wondering what is the best way to go about making some furry friends. It's been hard lately with such a divide, I'm scared of sharing my views with someone who will blast me on Twitter just for having an opposing view.

Papaya

* * *

Dear Papaya,

I'm not too sure what the difference is between an "anthro enthusiast" and a furry. My first thought was that you meant you didn't participate in furry activities like going to cons and meets, but then you want to make furry friends, so ... I dunno. Anyway, my thoughts about politics and religion are that it is best to keep such topics out of the conversation unless you know somebody very well and feel confident you can discuss such things without causing hurt. As you are aware, these days, especially in America, the right and left have become super-polarized without much room for compromise or moderation. In my Greymuzzles group, I set up rules that religion and politics be kept out of the posts, and that has been pretty successful at keeping the peace in the group. That's rule 1. To make new friends in the fandom, simply join any furry social media group and look for people who share your interests. Then, strike up a conversation with them. It's really not complicated. Then, once you get to know them well, you might open up the conversation to a wider range of topics. Not all furries are left-leaning. There are many conservative and even hard-right furries out there. For example, if you are a gun enthusiast, you can find furries who enjoy hunting and target shooting. Furries are a diverse group of people and you can find people who share your views and hobbies if you look hard enough.

Good Luck, Anthro Enthusiast ;)

Papabear

Speaking of furry invasions: outside the fandom, a furry encounter became the star of the internet show globally. For news reporters, reporting outdoors puts them live on the scene and exposes them to what mother nature has to offer. A Russian news reporter for MIR TV learnt that the furry way when a dog came […]

中文：兽圈大入侵：优步广告中惊现福瑞，兽圈主流化步步稳进? Español: La invasión furry: Los furries aparecen en un anuncio de Uber; ¿ganando terreno para convertirse en la corriente principal?

Starting off from Australia, Aurawra has changed their convention venue, after their local government has reserved their convention hotel, the Novotel Sydney International Airport hotel, as a quarantine site for airline staff for a period of time that crosses the furcon’s planned dates end-July. Novotel Sydney Olympic Park is their new venue, which is an […]

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 14 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

by Joanna Galbraith

“Word spreads quickly about the Festival di Notte and every animal in Florence is cordially invited.”

In the Florentine hills below Fiesole, where the land is quilted with olive groves and stitched with high stone walls, where every house has dark green shutters and facades of yellow yolk; there lives the rooster of Villa di Notte who crows throughout the day.

Lustily squawking as he struts his stuff, no one understands him apart from the chickens.

‘Hush,’ they coo as he begins to crow. ‘Today he begins the Seventh Circle of Hell.’

It is the rooster’s dream to reach Paradiso; His father only made it as far as Purgatorio.

Sometimes the villa dog comes down to listen; scratching his back on the dry stone wall. He cannot follow what the rooster says (for like most dogs he does not speak Fowl) but he enjoys the camaraderie that comes with each show. Even the olives stop growing when the old rooster crows.

Now this dog is a proud fellow with a thick Shepherd’s mane. Eyes like two toffees: brown, melting stones. His name is Palmerino. He wishes it were not.

‘Oh to be a Leonardo, a Michelangelo, a great Cesare. Anything would be better than such a limp Palmerino.’

‘You should be grateful,’ scolds the plump villa cat. She speaks perfect Hound. She can speak Wild Boar, too.  ‘I am called cat. Nothing fancy about that.’

Sadly, the inhabitants of Villa di Notte do not sense Palmerino’s despair. They think his pout looks like a smile, his grimace just a grin. They think he likes to hear his name. They shout it all the time.

‘Don’t be hurt,’ consoles the cat. ‘They don’t mean to be unkind.  Besides, you know how little they understand about their villa world.’

Palmerino nods at the cat’s prudent words: he knows that she is right. How can they know about his name when they know so little else? Like how their sheep play Blind Man’s Bluff amongst the cypress trees or how their goats enjoy pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey although the donkey is far less keen!

Or how their chickens are so erudite, their rooster so verbose.

And that they have a cat with more tongues than lives and a dog with a lofty dream. A dream that extends far beyond his name — a dream to reach the sky. To stand up high on his own hind legs and walk a steady mile.  To shake the paws of all his friends instead of sniffing bums. Not that he minds the sniffing part (he quite likes it truth be told) but he knows it lacks sophistication; it just isn’t how it’s done.

‘Yes indeed,’ sighs Palmerino to himself. ‘How can they know I need a more gallant name if I am to walk upon my hind?’

* * *

As it turns out Palmerino is not the only dog who wishes he stood tall. The dark stone streets are full of such creatures, hankering to drink their morning espressos from tiny porcelain cups or to lean, cross-legged, at Trippa Bars while swallowing down their lunch. Each animal is proud of their Florentine home – of their city’s glorious pedigree. They know of the Renaissance from a time gone by.  They dream of the Renaissance still to come; a rebirth of sorts for all animal kind when the light from their souls will finally shine.  A time when they will at last create.  A time that has not yet come.

They are patient though, these aspiring artists, as they wait for their beautiful day.  For they know how simple human folk really are (despite their invention of algebra) and how dangerous this can be.  Just look what happened to the poor Russian bears that tried to stand before their time; strapped into skates, dressed in pink tutus, condemned to circus life.

No. These Florentine animals will not make this mistake. They are content to wait until the time is right and steal any opportunities that they can.

Like Sunday nights at Bar Café Mingo where they meet to exchange ideas. Owned by a Perugian with a heart spun from silk, he lends his key to a wolfhound called Basso without a single word. He understands that these animals need to meet. Need to express their animal souls. He doesn’t even mind the muddy prints they leave around his cups or that occasionally an enthusiastic tail may break a glass — for so too can a careless arm

Now here in Bar Café Mingo all the animals come to stand upon their hinds. There are the cats who paint with their motley paws and the Arctic Hares who throw clay pots. There are the dogs with a penchant for archeology who bring in their latest digs and the sculpting frogs that spend their days in mud perfecting the animal form. There are the Beatnik goats clapping out their rhythms; the spiders weaving tapestries.  All celebrating together in a small Oltrano bar while the Florentines peacefully sleep.

Palmerino is a regular; he is good friends with Basso, but the villa cat she never comes.  She much prefers to stay at home and enjoy the open air. Besides her father was a rather famous poet who used to cause trouble in the bar. Not for his poems (though somewhat provocative in themselves); he was an alcoholic too. The cat is afraid of what a whiskey and cream might do to her as well.

‘So how was last night?’ she asks Palmerino whenever Monday morning rolls round again.

‘Wonderful. A flock of migrating geese dropped by and honked in a capella Holst’s – Mars, The Bringer of War. Can you imagine? Then they sang a piece which they had composed themselves during their long flight south. Quite spectacular really.’

‘I wish I could have heard it,’ sighs the cat wistfully, resting her head on her well-groomed paws.

‘You really should come to the bar some time.’

The cat shakes her head; the memory of her inebriated father swinging from bar room shutters is still too raw for her.

‘It’s a shame we can’t do something away from the bar. In the open air perhaps.’

‘Like a festival?’

Palmerino furrows his brow. ‘Yes, exactly.’

‘A festival would need a lot of space.’

‘There’s plenty of room out here.’

The cat shakes her head again. Visions of skating bears flash through her mind. ‘Oh no, the villa folk are kindly people, but they would never understand.’

Palmerino pouts.

‘Unless,’ muses the cat with a thump in her tail. ‘Unless we wait until the Dolomites.’

‘The Dolomites?’

The cat rolls her eyes. Sometimes Palmerino can be very slow.

‘You know when the villa folk go to the Dolomites. They do it every year.’

Palmerino’s tail begins to wag. Of course, the Dolomites! Ever year the villa folk go to the mountains for five days. Normally they take him when they go on holidays but never to the Dolomites. Apparently one of their Aunts is allergic to his fur and she makes a lot of fuss.

‘I shall announce it next Sunday,’ shouts Palmerino in great glee.

The cat raises a paw to the front of his nose.

‘Ssh my excitable friend, not so fast!  At least let me find out first when the Dolomites will be.’

* * *

Word spreads quickly about the Festival di Notte and every animal in Florence is cordially invited.  Even the castorino who live down by the Arno and are known for their less than salubrious smell!

‘There is plenty of room,’ Palmerino enthuses to the bar crowd. ‘Olive groves, hay barns, a swimming hole as well. We shall walk, we shall dance, we shall touch the moon with our paws.’

Both he and the villa cat work tirelessly to prepare. They arrange with the pigeons to string up fairy lights; they speak with the mosquitoes about humming Habanera.  A horse chef is invited to whip up delicious treats although she cannot make them by herself as her shoes are far too awkward.  Instead she employs some local rats with nifty, little hands to work as sous chefs in her stable kitchen; to follow what she says. She also invites a herd of local bulls to come toss great salads in the air and a family of squirrels come in to crack nuts and unscrew jam jar lids.

* * *

Finally, the day comes when the villa folk are to leave.  Palmerino slumps glumly while they pack their bags – just as any loyal dog should always do!

‘Not too glumly’ hisses the villa cat. ‘They might take you after all.’

Immediately Palmerino starts smiling instead. He trots to the car with a wag in his tail and watches, head tilted, until the car pulls away.

‘Now,’ he whoops joyously. ‘Let the festival begin.’

Soon the animals start arriving in droves, flocks and herds. Dogs walk gaily, paw-in-paw, hind-upon-hind, musing wisely about the speed of light.

‘Well of course the neutrino can go much faster. I have tested it myself.’

Pigs don party frocks spun by spiders. Chickens count eggs before their laid. The ducks perform Swan Lake to rapturous applause.  Champagne spills over and flutes are broken. They prove too delicate for animal hands.  But the shards are soon melted down and blown into glass jewels by a troupe of fireflies.

By the third night the entire villa is in disarray, but it is a delightful sort of chaos. The lady dogs are wearing waistcoats; the men are in high heels. A fox has come up with a new kind of trot. A frog has learned to jive. The rooster has finally reached Paradiso; he plans to tackle William Shakespeare next.

Palmerino watches with a puffed out chest. He feels so tall he can reach the moon.

‘It’s a success,’ he barks joyously to his fellow host.

‘Aye,’ replies the villa cat who has been learning Scottish from a highland cow.

Suddenly, however, a bright light shines down the road.  Two flying saucers is the first supposition, but alas it is something far more alarming than this. The villa folk. Returning early? Apparently the allergic aunt found a stray dog hair in her soup.

The cat quickly ushers the animals out the back gate while Palmerino slumps frozen in his spot. His head is slung low though his heart is undefeated.

The villa folk cannot believe their eyes. Their house, their garden an unspeakable sight.  Smashed up plant pots everywhere, spilt vats of wine, trodden in food, sagging grape vines. Sculptures made of cow manure. Intricate mosaics designed out of seeds. A woven tapestry of wild, blooming flowers. Remnants of equations scratched out on barn walls.

They search for poor Palmerino with his innocent, brown eyes.

‘Aw come here,’ they say kindly while ruffling his sticky head. ‘Fancy being caught up in such terrible chaos. Such terrible vandalismo! Brave doggy, good doggy let us give you a bath.’

And Palmerino is bathed and groomed and fed though nothing feels as good as standing on hind legs.

* * *

The following morning Palmerino wakes from a kaleidoscopic dream and ventures out into the garden. Everything has gone. Nothing remains. In the field burns a giant bonfire, almost touching the sun.

‘Next year Palmerino’ the villa folk say. ‘You will come to the Dolomites with us.’

And Palmerino pouts though they think it’s a grin.

‘O don’t be sad,’ consoles the villa cat. ‘They don’t mean to be unkind. Besides you know how little they understand about their villa world.’

 

* * *

Originally published in Stupefying Stories

About the Author

Joanna Galbraith (she/her) was born in Australia but currently lives in Tuscany with her two cats – Pirate and Dalmazio. She has written about singing fish, humming whales, and dancing polar bears as well as the occasional story about vengeful dustbins and eight-fingered snowflake spinners. Her work has been published in numerous publications, including the highly-acclaimed Clockwork Phoenix anthology series.