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Dear Papa bear,

I got married a little over a year ago to a wonderful, amazing and supportive husband. He is all I ever asked for, and more. When we first got together we were both employed at Wendy's, and I was living out of my van. We decided to pack up and move to my mom's house, three hundred miles north. There we both suffered six months of unemployment, until he finally signed up for MBUSI, a training/internship program at Mercedes Benz/Shelton State Uni. I also found a job. We were pretty well off for about a year. The program is only two years long and when you finish you get a maintenance position at $14.50 an hour, and we planned on it for our future.

Unfortunately, a little over a year into the program, our cars began falling apart, and my drug addict mother stole money from us. This ended in us abruptly moving back down south to live with HIS parents. It's pretty nice here, his grandparents fixed up our car, and I've been working as a full time artist from home. Here is where the problem starts.

My husband is not pulling his weight. At. All. I work from six to eight hours a day, destroying my wrists, back and eyes trying to pay our bills. All I ask of him is that he put in applications, and keep the house clean. Easy, right? Well, it's been two months and he has only put in four job applications, and does not clean unless physically forced to do so. He whines and complains about doing the dishes, cleaning the toilet, doing laundry, etc. And when he DOES put in an application or clean our room, he acts like it's the best thing he's ever done, and wants praise and all that. 

So he sits around all day, playing video games and hanging out with his friend, when he could be out looking for a job. Or cleaning this filthy house.

And he has the nerve to call ME lazy.

I've tried begging, pleading, screaming, reasoning, crying, sweetly asking, threatening, talking, and everything else. He will agree with me, we will cry and make up, and then he will put in one application, do a dish or two, and then go right back to his old habits. 
Frankly, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm fed up, I can't take it anymore. I have a bulging disc in my spine, fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel, hypersomnia, and hypothyroidism, I hurt all the time, I am worn to the bone. He's a frikken college grad, excellent physical condition, no disorders, with a year of machining tech under his belt, six years of work experience, and he won't. do. anything.

It has come to the point where I am considering leaving him. I don't want to. I love him. He is the light of my life. But I think it is the only way to make him see how much he is hurting me, and what life would be like without my income and support.

And yes, we communicate very well, and I have told him everything I've told you. And it has had no effect. 

I am so lost and confused.

Waits

* * *

Hi, Waits,

The male psyche can be a mystery to the female and vice versa. This is a case in point. As a male, I think I might be able to shed a little light on this, or at least try.

In the beginning of your relationship, you were equals, both working at Wendy’s. Then, your husband finished his training and got a good job, making him the top dollar earner. Men like this. They like to feel like the bread winner and that they are taking care of their spouses and leading the way to a stable and happy home.

Then everything reversed. The car situation happened and his mother screwed you over. Suddenly, you both are depending on your family and you are the top bread winner while he has been relegated to “womanly” duties of cleaning the house. Now, I know that sounds chauvinistic—and it is—but it is still how the psyche of the male often works. An example from my own life: when I was married my wife took charge of the bills and the checking account. We were married 15 years before she “permitted” me to have a credit card in my name, even though I was a very responsible person and, for most of the marriage, earned as much or more than she did. How did it make me feel? Well, emasculated, really. Like a second-class citizen in the marriage. I agreed to it because it made her happy, I felt, but the spouse that controls the checkbook controls the marriage. True, really. It’s still rather amusing to me that after the divorce she seemed stunned that I had no problem balancing a checkbook.

My suspicion is that your husband is feeling like “less of a man” because you are in charge, really, making money while he is told to clean up the house. He feels powerless, and when one feels powerless it is really really difficult to get motivated—hence, his struggle to apply for work. The fact that you are in pain from your various ills only exacerbates his guilt and makes him feel more like a loser. It is very easy when this happens to retreat into videogames or, worse, things like booze and drugs. Thankfully, that doesn’t seem to have happened, yet.

So, what can you do? Yelling doesn’t work. Cajoling. Begging. Asking sweetly. None of that works, as you know. Why? Because however you approach it, you are taking the in-charge role and making him feel like he’s no longer an equal. You’re in charge; he’s to do as asked.

What he needs is an ego boost to feel like he is a man again. Now, I’m not sure what all is involved in your art business, but have you tried this? Ask him to be a partner in your business. Perhaps he can help with your website, taking orders, marketing, finding new clients. Although you are the artist, he can be an equal partner by being your business manager. Let him handle the money side and give you reports on how you are doing. As someone who is his own businessman, I can tell you that being an editor involves more than just editing; I have to handle all aspects of my business, and it would be a great thing for me if all I had to worry about was the editing process and have someone else handle my bills, finding clients, doing my website and so on. Don’t just ask him to do menial stuff like housework; ask him to be a partner in your business. He needs to share a little power in the relationship; to feel he has some respect from you, and believe me, respect is very important for the male ego.

Once he feels like a partner again and not second fiddle in the marriage, his self-respect will improve and this will improve his mood and make him feel he can take charge of his life again, including looking for jobs for which he is qualified.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and good luck with your business!

Papabear

Soo today i just figured out i only got paid 55 $ this week and this week is also the week for us to buy groceries .. i only have 200 left in my account which also goes to gas as well i will probably be out of money by the begining of next week and im soo scared Im in the process of making a new price sheet right now Im gonna have to up my prices because i think its gonna start turning into my main source of income since my job is not giving me any hours.. So again im taking commissions only doodles until i get the price sheet up They are 10$ Here is some examples http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9755394/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9784990/ http://i519.photobucket.com/albums/u354/PurplePikachu/Zebrasarecool.png Im very desperate right now so any money is good All i ask is that if you cant buy please PLEASE spread it every where Also if you spread it enter my raffle and you could win http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4268548/ I just need support now guys so just please help me out

submitted by Geek143
[link] [8 comments]

Hey fuzzies, i'm looking to get a few shirts and maybe a few furry stickers that I could place on my macbook to give it an awesome flare.

I just have no idea to look at all. I don't know where I could find any stickers. The only furry site I know of is kittylovesmonster and they only have one sticker available.

I'm looking for just like, a generic paw sticker or something along those lines. Thanks for the help!

submitted by katakos
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As the title says, I need someone to draw my fursona. The problem is I am completely broke... Can someone help a fur out by getting a little practice in, and drawing me a portrait for my new FA page?

submitted by Mou5beat515
[link] [5 comments]

Author: Higgs Raccoon We’ve had a Treeless Squirrel; now we have a Waterless Trout. Environmental groups in Colorado, USA, are trying to stop the diversion of large amounts of water out of the Fraser River, one of the tributaries of the Colorado River. 60% of the river’s flow is already diverted to supply the Front [...]

submitted by Ipatfurries
[link] [8 comments]

Author: Isiah Jacobs Purchase – Vote at the Ursa Majors Find the full article here: flayrah – furry food for thought Creative Commons: Full post may be available under a free license.

Author: Huskyteer Following an unsuccessful campaign on Kickstarter (covered last month), Shota Ishiwatari has moved fundraising for Tailly, ‘the tail that wags when you get excited’, over to Indiegogo. Tailly responds to the wearer’s heartbeat, wagging fast when a raised heartbeat indicates high emotion and slowing with the pulse to a swing. This time, the [...]

How many times have you desired change? How often do you think that God should just change something? When do you get up and start making changes yourself? We explore this topic, in traditional WagzTail style discussion.

Hosts: Levi, Wolfin
Podcast image by micromoth

Daily Show: January 29, 2013 - How many times have you desired change? How often do you think that God should just change something? When do you get up and start making changes yourself? We explore this topic, in traditional WagzTail style discussion. - Hosts: Levi, Wolfin

How does that rate in this most ridiculous newsgroup?

--
I have killfiled the assworm. He is my prisoner.

Author: crossaffliction This game is a nostalgia trip. Much like the original Epic Mickey, it highlights a diverse cast of classic Disney characters that don’t always get the spotlight; sure, there’s a matchmaking questline that unites Donald and Daisy Duck as romantic partners, but there’s also one featuring Clarabelle Cow and Horace Horsecollar. When was [...]

Author: AuldWolf Wyrmkeep Entertainment, who recently launched a Kickstarter project to fund a sequel to their perennial point & click adventure, have cancelled it, admitting the campaign was insufficiently compelling to non-fans. A post-mortem of the project is underway. The original Inherit the Earth was released in ’94 for IBM-PC and Macintosh computers, and has [...]

With the latest Ursa Majors Awards coming back around again Kyell Gold has respectively stepped out of the award section. He noted that the Ursa Awards while not making changes in ranking because of popularity, just may do the opposite . He sites that others have had the same issue and not just himself. Listing only the popular books, art, etc… is showing only those who make a lot of popularity, while others who do great work are not noted at the top of their lists. Gold comments, “In addition, this allows me to recommend other books in the fandom for you to read, other stories to look at, without being conflicted. I would really like you guys to keep reading and keep voting in the awards, because that’s important to the fandom.” He also dully noted that you should not step back from voting or cause drama. This comes at a quite a cost to himself and would only be pushed if only thought in best interests.

So BedFellows gives a little wanky-wanky of a promo for this coming season. A cute little opening of somethings to come for BedFellows cartoons on YouTube. Check out the link and be sure to subscribe to them for upcoming things!! YouTube LINK

submitted by Kaybok
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submitted by lunagron
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Author: admin Sorry for the lateness of this week’s episode! Istanbul was doing a thing for charity all this weekend, and became dead for a short time. This week’s episode starts off with juice boxes that make you gay, and leads right into Kyo’s rendition of Hava Negilah! Yeah, it’s like that. Istanbul mentions the [...] Episode 74 – Candy Heart

Sorry for the lateness of this week’s episode! Istanbul was doing a thing for charity all this weekend, and became dead for a short time. This week’s episode starts off with juice boxes that make you gay, and leads right into Kyo’s rendition of Hava Negilah! Yeah, it’s like that. Istanbul mentions the Kotaku article about Further Confusion, and Kyo’s sexy Dr. Robotnik makes Isty nope himself clear out of the room! Isty also talks about the polo shirt sizes for charity that will be available at Furry Fiesta, and Kyo waxes philosophical – for him – about his frothing hatred of children, especially children with bad parents. Smokey finishes by mentioning some of the new Wii U games coming out, and then it’s on to the e-mails!

Once the e-mails get going, Ryo gives more information about his home life, and Marcus Noble shares news on his job search, both positive and negative. We get one listener talking about his low sex drive, and the cast generally agrees that while sex is fun, it’s not the end-all-be-all. We even get incriminated in a listener’s supposed near-death experience! Ladies and gentlemen, our podcast is officially marked Handle With Care! The cast gives their opinions about romance vs. sex, everyone seems to agree that bar pickups are skeevy and parentally-arranged pickups are even worse, and a good time is had by all!

Next week’s topic is all about waste. Things you are wasting, things you have wasted, listening to us wasted, how to deal with others’ waste, and all other topics related! Remember, you’re not limited to that topic, so write in and let us help, and spread the word about us!

One more thing! We have our topic for the Fiesta show: Addiction! Things you can’t live without, addictions you’re trying to break, and coping with the addictions of the people around you. DON’T FORGET: If you have an e-mail you want us to read in the live show for Fiesta, please include “Live Show” in the subject line so that we know to save it!

Music: 99 Floors Underground from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team from OC Remix

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Episode 74 – Candy Heart
File modified January 28, 2013 – 71.2 MB – downloaded 451 times so far

Episode 74 – Candy Heart - Sorry for the lateness of this week’s episode! Istanbul was doing a thing for charity all this weekend, and became dead for a short time. This week’s episode starts off with juice boxes that make you gay, and lead[...]

Hello.

I am a researcher working for an independent group of people, and i've been asked to relay a few questions from the group to you, the community. i'm not going to expect or ask for upvotes, and all we want is some information. if you have questions of us, we will try to answer them as quickly as we can.

Group questions: (you don't have to answer all, or any if you wish. but any feedback would be appreciated)

"when did you first know you were a furry?"

"what does it mean to be a furry? in your own words?"

"has it changed anything for you?"

"what's your favorite aspect of the fandom?"

"Did you ever "come out?" what was it like? did you need to?"

"Have you ever met anyone else who is a furry? how did it go?"

More questions may be asked depending on the feedback we get.

Thank you for reading!

submitted by kejani_researcher
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Hey guys, I know I haven't posted here in a while but hopefully you remember me.

Yesterday I had to take my pet rat Mason the the emergency vet because he had a respiratory infection and he was having a lot of difficulty breathing. Unfortunately, I'm now out almost $200 (or more for his treatment, depending on if he gets worse.) And I still have to take in my two younger rats for a check-in to make sure they didn't get infected as well.

Because of this, I am now open for emergency commissions. The slots are only $20.

Here are a few examples of the quality.

I will draw almost anything for these commissions, but please remember that there are some things that I am unwilling to draw, usually just because I am not good at drawing them. Feel free to message or note me here or on my furaffinity.

Thank you.

submitted by silverfennec
[link] [53 comments]