Raccoons Take Over New Orleans
Well, more like City Park. But, hey, it's the main headline in the paper.
The article, entitled "Masked Marauders", depicts them as "furry little sacks of disease"---not quite untrue, but I don't want to see us do the same thing that we did with the nutria, which was to send out police snipers, and otherwise put a bounty on them. Wholy undignified and unnecessary for raccoons. (Nutria are, by contrast, foreign, and destroy wetlands and levees; they are the true pests.)
After I submit this, I'm going to write the paper an opinion piece, because somebody has to vouch for them and be their defense where they otherwise have none.