Creative Commons license icon

Opinion: 'The Honey Cooler' is a mess, and not in a good way

Edited as of 11:56
Your rating: None Average: 5 (2 votes)

The Honey Cooler (first covered in March) is described by one of its producers as:

... a farce-noir film starring local celebrity Sid Pink. Sid is a down-on-his-luck private investigator that gets caught up in a world of burlesque dancers, luche libre wrestlers and people who like to do each other in animal costumes.

Now new photos [Syhusky/DFB] and video clips have emerged suggesting that the movie, which has now wrapped up shooting, really isn't as bad as it first appeared. It's worse.

Cheetah and Panda in 'The Honey Cooler'This isn't a review. That would require actually seeing the entire movie, which isn't available yet. But judging by the production and behind-the scenes stills, the trailer, the 'petting zoo' segment and this recent confusing teaser, we're not missing much. Even the gag reel isn't that funny.

The plot verges on incoherent. There is a private eye - a really bad one - who's set up by a hot dame who has no patience for him. A decidedly unprofessional professonal wrestler is involved, somehow. Then there are the rental-store costumed critters, who are essentially eye-candy.

Despite promotion by The Onion's A.V. Club, the film's Kickstater campaign failed to reach 10% of its funding goal - which arguably could be seen as a success, since they failed to get a single backer on IndieGoGo. Regardless, they started filming. Here is one cast-member's experience:

I'm playing a panda bear (like in LOST, if LOST took place in a dive bar in Denver) who plays pool with a tiger and then, in the next shot, is making out with said tiger on the pool table. [...] The eye holes in the panda head make it really hard to see what the hell is going on, which is great for keeping your focus on the pool table, but makes it really hard to see any cues. Still, I do my best to repeat my actions each take--a shot in the corner, pause, survey the table, line up a shot side pocket. Then, I make out with the tiger, which essentially just involves pushing our costume heads together and rubbing our hands on each other's backs. As far as making out on screen goes, it's either the most or least awkward way to do it.

At the end of the day, even the actor is lost. The one bright spot is that the film looks so bad, it simply won't be seen by anyone who matters.

"The Honey Cooler" is produced, directed and written by Ryan Demers and Paul Pendell, with screenwriting by Bob Bobala.
You can also find them on Facebook - though it's unclear why you'd want to.


Your rating: None Average: 5 (2 votes)

Those are some ugly suits... Also I hope that that isn't the panda and 'tiger' from the movie because that's not a tiger. It's also not how the fur pattern would go. Pale bellies are cute!

"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

Your rating: None Average: 2.4 (5 votes)

Urgent message to furries:

You can't just film any old lamely-scripted, lazily-directed, cheaply-shot, straight-to-video shit you want and magically turn it into a pioneering 'furry movie' just by having the characters wear costumes.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (3 votes)

I don't think the filmmakers are furries, though I have to wonder about the two who offered to pay $300 to wear a suit.

Your rating: None Average: 3.6 (5 votes)

"Unemployed College Grad" is the name they usually go by.

Your rating: None Average: 5 (2 votes)

Amazingly, The Honey Cooler has been completed. One review is not favourable.

Your rating: None Average: 5 (2 votes)

Stumbled upon this movie (uploaded in its entirety!) on Youtube today.

Few things are sadder than a failed comedy flick. Other types of "B" movies are usually tons of fun, but an unfunny comedy just makes you feel awful and embarrassed for everyone involved.

The acting is wooden, the dialogue sounds like it was written by 14-year-olds who were trying to imitate Tarantino, and the entire affair reeks of just trying too hard to be edgy, wacky, and irreverent, and confusing weirdness with humor.

However, the main furry scene did manage to get *one* chuckle out of me. When the main character heads to a furry party in a panda suit, he enters a lavish mansion filled with people in bad fursuits chatting about quantum physics while listening to classical music. They could've exploited this idea more, but chose not to--probably because they didn't know what to really do with the joke, and didn't realize its true potential.

One decent, under-exploited joke in an hour-and-a-half movie. So, there ya go.

Your rating: None Average: 3 (2 votes)

It sounds to me like the guy did most of his research on the furry fandom from The Shining.

Post new comment

  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <img> <b> <i> <s> <blockquote> <ul> <ol> <li> <table> <tr> <td> <th> <sub> <sup> <object> <embed> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <dl> <dt> <dd> <param> <center> <strong> <q> <cite> <code> <em>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This test is to prevent automated spam submissions.
Leave empty.

About the author

GreenReaper (Laurence Parry)read storiescontact (login required)

a developer, editor and Kai Norn from London, United Kingdom, interested in wikis and computers

Small fuzzy creature who likes cheese & carrots. Founder of WikiFur, lead admin of Inkbunny, and Editor-in-Chief of Flayrah.