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Review: SLoP 2: SLoPpy Seconds

Edited by Sonious as of Tue 18 Jul 2023 - 15:05
Your rating: None Average: 3.3 (19 votes)

gidget-5c746a080706b-1.jpgLook, the best joke in the first Secret Life of Pets is that if you do the trendy thing of acronym-ing it's title, it becomes SLoP, which is funny because it's true.

Honestly, I can't even say I remember the first movie very well. I did see it. I mostly recall that I didn't really like it that much. So, as you can probably deduce, I wasn't entirely looking forward to the sequel. The trailers also prominently featured coprophagia, so that wasn't helping anything.

But about those trailers— if you take out the inter-titles and the music, you just watched that scene in the movie. That's exactly how it's cut in the movie. All of the trailers are like that. They're just scenes from the movie. The movie is cut like a trailer.

And the weirdest thing about this movie is that, somehow, despite being just scenes from the movie, this is a case of bad trailers being way worse than the actual movie. This is a very weird movie.

Okay, so anyway, there's the dog from the first movie, Max, who used to be voiced by Louis C.K. but is now voiced by Patton Oswalt because life comes at you fast. Max's owner meets a man, marries him, has a kid and that kid grows to pre-school age all in the first ten minutes of the movie, because The Secret Life of Pets comes at you fast. Max takes on the role of over-protective dog for this kid, to the point he develops a nervous tic of scratching himself worrying about the youngin'. As a result he is taken to the vet and given a cone to wear to stop the scratching. And then the family goes on a trip to a nice farm upstate, where he meets Rooster (Harrison Ford) and a farm dog who is not taking any of this neurotic city stuff as he helps Max calm the heck down. I think that was at one point the story of The Secret Life of Pets 2, but then they got notes from the studio asking them to bring back all the marketable characters from the first story, and Max, the nominal protagonist of the movies, then becomes the b-plot.

The main plot actually revolves around the rabbit Snowball (Kevin Hart) and a new dog named Daisy (Tiffany Haddish) trying to rescue a tiger named Hu (Jean Dujardin) from the circus. There's also a c-plot where Max gives his favorite toy to Gidget (Jenny Slate) for safe-keeping while he's at the farm, and she of course instantly loses it and must rescue from the resident crazy cat lady's apartment, allowing cat Chloe (Lake Bell) to do something by, well, actually that was already covered in the trailer linked up top.

Jenny Slate, who narrowly avoided being typecast forever as fluffy, white critters after playing both Gidget and Assistant Mayor Belwether back in 2016 was probably my favorite vocal performance of the movie. Her character has an obvious unrequited crush on Max, and a bizarre fantasy sequence where she imagines herself married, human-style, to Max, while they together raise his squeaky toy, was definitely my favorite scene. Harrison Ford, however, is obviously here for the paycheck. However, much like his performance of Han Solo in Star Wars (I really don't believe in any of this, but I'm a professional, so I'm going to do my best, darnit!) probably mirrored his own take on the material while managing to be the perfect take on the character. Rooster is a character who clearly does not give a crap, so once again it works.

I feel like this movie just kind of threw everything up against the wall to see what stuck, and then just kept everything even if it didn't. It's worth seeing, eventually. When it's like a two dollar rental. It really is a weird movie, which is the part about it that is worth the two buck rental. Getting the farm plot, the tiger plot and the cat plot to all line up is actually pretty impressive. I guess that's why the trailers did this movie such a disservice. Divorced of context they seem like they're from totally different movies. Put together, it's kind of impressive they all make sense.

On the other hand, it's a comedy movie where the best joke is still the unintentional acronym formed by the title. And it's not even an original joke anymore. That's a problem.


Your rating: None Average: 2.9 (7 votes)

I did think the film was funny and the characters were interesting and perfectly voiced. The look of the environs, from NYC to farm, was well rendered. Action, cuteness, and lessons on bravery and dedication made for a satisfying experience.

Your rating: None Average: 2 (4 votes)

Interesting. You spent so much space bringing attention to how lame the movie was, only to conclude that it was okay. Made me think of the british press for a bit.

Well, I'll be...

Your rating: None Average: 2.2 (9 votes)

Well in fairness, he concluded the movie was okay if you pay next to nothing for it. He was saying the movie was weird but also impressive, which is pretty hard to miss when he uses those words to describe the movie like 3 times apiece (and a pretty glaring flaw). I'm not sure where you draw the comparison to British media from unless you're saying British news writers contradict themselves a lot, which I'm sure they do, but I tend not to notice because any time I read the shit, not being British myself, I'm too preoccupied seething at the blatant sensationalism, classism, and what often times reads to me like the author was trying harder to sound clever than actually be smart.

Your rating: None Average: 2.6 (7 votes)

I don't know who downvoted your post, but I upvoted it to restore balance.

Well, I'll be...

Your rating: None Average: 3 (8 votes)

Thanks. It was probably Equivamp. She's had a grudge against me pretty much from day one.

Your rating: None Average: 2.7 (6 votes)

Nope, I was driving out of state at the time to visit family, and I don't have nor have ever had a "grudge" against you. Better things to do than go around downvoting all your comments even if I did, anyway. Why, are you finding yourself getting downvoted a lot?

Your rating: None Average: 2.1 (7 votes)

You are so full of shit.

Your rating: None Average: 2.4 (5 votes)

He clearly has at least 2 (or 1 behind 7 proxies) people who really don't like what he said on the INTERNETS somewhere sometimes.

Well, I'll be...

Your rating: None Average: 1 (5 votes)

It's really just a hypothesis I can't back up with anything more than Equivamp's past as an EDiot/lolcow but I figure she probably has a few buddies on a Discord server somewhere and I'm just one of a handful of people (because it's not like that many people even regularly comment or contribute to this site) that whenever they comment they immediately go "OMG he's at it again!", regardless of the fucking content of said comment. That's just the way the internet is nowadays and I've been on both sides of that wall. Then I grew up and made it a point to at least try to adopt a policy of more or less total non-engagement with people that don't really want to have actual discussions as much as preen and posture at someone else's expense for as long as they can get away with it.

It's easier said than done and it'd help if I didn't have to see that stupid fucking avatar in these comments sections. It'd be nice if a block function was really a block function and people that've pissed you off to the point that you're all but certain you'd never change your mind about them were completely out of sight, out of mind.

I think I understand now why social media's killed older formats like forums and comments sections and the like. I really miss the old-web but it was probably inevitable that these kinds of people were going to shit it up to the point nobody wanted to use it anymore and preferred the echo-chamber to the hive.

Your rating: None Average: 2 (4 votes)

That has to be it. Everyone else here clearly loves you.

Your rating: None Average: 2.4 (5 votes)

It's hard to care about the opinions of "Everyone else here" when instead of voicing those opinions they abuse the ratings system. "Oh look, my innocuous, uncontroversial comment got like 5 one-stars, just like I figured". And it didn't start happening until I got tired of you and your obnoxious personality, or to be more precise, when I got tired enough of it to tell you I was blocking you to stop fucking replying to me because I don't care what you have to say anymore. Funny, all things considered my average wasn't too bad before that. So yes I think you're probably butthurt and lashing out, because damn near every comment you've made since I started using the site in earnest has been you being butthurt and lashing out for one flimsy reason or another.

There's been some really rotten people on here, but they comment sporadically, or they say their piece and move the fuck on. Or they're among those abusing the ratings system because I'm one of the ones who called them on their bullshit in which case, I reiterate, not much reason to respect their vote.

I may not know you personally, but I know your type, and just because GreenReaper gave you an ultimatum to stop editing ED doesn't mean you shed the ethos behind online cultures like that, which is more or less "my personal amusement first, logic and reason a distant second and mainly troll-logic at that, and compromise? not in my vocab." Basically I have a hard enough time believing a leopard can change it spots and, uh, I think hell would freeze over before a zebra could change its stripes.

Your rating: None Average: 4 (5 votes)

I can't speak for everyone but I've given all your comments on this article either 1 or 2 star ratings, not because of any grudge against you but because every comment you have posted here has been either incredibly rude, insulting or a wild accusation. If you don't care what she has to say, then just don't reply.

"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

Your rating: None Average: 1 (4 votes)

I tend to treat people similar to how I've been treated by that person, once I've reached my limit and my patience is pretty much maxed out at this point. I tried just talking to Equivamp like just a normal person at first, got nothing but snippy or passive-aggressive replies. I tried letting that go. Then I just stopped replying to her comments when it become apparent that that's just who she is. Next thing I know, she's the one replying to all my comments, again, just to be snarky and try to provoke me, or accuse me of this or that. So after arguing for a while I said fuck it and blocked her, and she kept replying anyway, and when I didn't give in, then the mass-downvoting started. I don't think it's a wild accusation to conclude someone's doing something all too common for people like her to do on the internet once most if not all of the other boxes have been checked. And I don't see why I should give someone the benefit of the doubt when they would never do the same for me.

Your rating: None Average: 1.8 (4 votes)

Is this an example of you talking to someone "like just a normal person"? If so I feel like I get you more now.

Your rating: None Average: 2 (6 votes)

No, that's an example of me talking to someone I'm assuming is a normal person while trying to give a fair, but accurate critique of something someone else wrote. I know the shit flies over your head but then again, I wasn't talking to you.

Your rating: None Average: 2 (4 votes)

Dude, this conversation wouldn't be happening if you weren't waxing paranoid while I was enjoying my holiday.

Btw, if you're strapped for cash, I'll totally go halvesies on the "I don't care what Equivamp posts" chest tattoo.

Your rating: None Average: 2.2 (5 votes)

Dude, I already knew you were full of shit when you told the other most common lie that you don't have time to go downvote all my shit because you were too busy enjoying your holiday while checking the site you're supposedly too busy having the time of your life to be bothered with.

Btw, if I wasn't strapped for cash, I'd literally offer to pay you to simply never reply to me ever again. Hell, I'd offer to agree to do the same after this reply, but 1) you enjoy this shit too much to ever just let it go and 2) even if I'm wrong about that part, your need to have the last word overrides all other impulses. I know, because I've let you have the last word numerous times in hopes of you just taking the hint and fucking off.

Also my actual chest tattoo is going to be pretty neat and I'm not sure why you think I'd want to get your name anywhere on my body when it should be pretty clear by now, as I've said, what I'd prefer is to just never have to see your name/avatar again but, I guess at least when I finally get around to making that Twitter account that's one place where that'll be an option.

Your rating: None Average: 1 (4 votes)

Ah a kindred spirit in ink. Good form.

Your rating: None Average: 1.8 (4 votes)

My holiday was on the fourth :)

Your rating: None Average: 4 (6 votes)

In this day and age, who doesn't?

"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

Your rating: None Average: 1 (3 votes)

I came to the same conclusion based on pure observation

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